1. stephb

    stephb Registered User

    Dec 30, 2009
    4
    Gravesend Kent
    Hello everyone. My dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about a year ago now. He has been taking Aricept?
    We have had a wonderful Christmas with him and mum and although he acted a little like a wilful child, we all had a smashing time together, that was until...........

    My husband and I own a flat in Bournemouth which we stay at every few weeks, it gives us so much pleasure and is quiet and peaceful. My son stayed at home (he's 23) and was going to make sure that mum and dad were ok and didn't need any shopping etc while we relaxed.
    We had a call yesterday telling us that dad was ill but not to rush home the doctor had been in and couldn't really find anything wrong. We have just been round to see them and truth be told he's not ill at all he is just refusing to get up. He said he's just pretending to be ill and looking and questioning him, he's being truthful.
    When we try to make him get up he gets violent, what is the best way for us to persuade him to get up? I'm worried sick.
     
  2. maryw

    maryw Registered User

    Nov 16, 2008
    3,805
    Surrey
    My Mum used to do this and it was very difficult to handle, particularly with work commitments! I'm sure others will have loads of advice, but this is the way I handled it. My Mum said she was fading away, going to roll over and die. There were no obvious signs of illness, no sign of stroke.

    I said to her "it must be very difficult for you" so she felt heard and understood. I stayed calm and then I said it would be great if she could just put 1 leg out of bed by the time I'd made her a cup of tea. I think the whole procedure took a couple of hours, but she did get up.

    However, I really would check for any sign of illness, call in the GP for reassurance. My Mum was eventually diagnosed with clinical depression and needed medication.

    Let us know how you get on.
     
  3. Christin

    Christin Registered User

    Jun 29, 2009
    5,038
    Somerset
    I would say don't panic. We have had many days when FIL refuses to get up, yesterday was one of them. Today he doesn't remember and everything is usual. Best wishes to you xx
     
  4. stephb

    stephb Registered User

    Dec 30, 2009
    4
    Gravesend Kent
    Thank you so much for your advice, we called the doctor in yesterday and he checked him over and said he could find nothing wrong. I thought that if we ruled out illness first we could then move to the next step.
    He has done this before but never to this extent, mum is exhausted from running up and down the stairs to him but I have told her that sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and told her to stop. We did manage to get him up but the moment we left he went back to bed!
    I said to mum that she has made him too comfortable, to turn the TV off and hide the remote and stop running around after him! As I write this she is sitting in the lounge drinking a well earned cuppa and dad is still refusing to get up but is upset because he can't watch TV from his bed. I am really hoping that he will get bored of lying there and come downstairs. We have told him that if he carries on like this he will have to go to hospital but that just made him happy!

    Sometimes he is like a very wilful child and you have to be firm with him at the same time loving and understanding. He gets a glint of mischief in his eyes and you know to watch him carefully.

    I will keep you updated and once again thank you for your replies, sometimes it's just nice to share.
     
  5. gill@anchorage5

    gill@anchorage5 Registered User

    Apr 29, 2007
    211
    Southampton
    Gettting up

    This brought back so many memories!

    My Dad HATED getting up in the mornings. Usually waking him first thing - he was OK, but the actual getting out of bed was quite another matter entirely.

    Our situation was made worse by the fact that we had to fit in with the carers times (which as we all know are limited) The language was often very colourful and there were times when they had to "give up and leave him" because he got in such a state.

    I did find that if I was able to get him sitting up on the bed and drinking a coffee before they arrived it took the "tension" out of the situation, but this was not always possible. It did seem as though the process was a lot less stressful for him if it did not need to be "rushed".

    I wish you luck with it.

    Gill x
     
  6. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,237
    Female
    Dundee
    This sounds a bit like my Bill! Over the last few months he has started to hate getting up. He doesn't pretend to be ill or anything. He says (and I think he is) so tired. Sometimes I leave him and phone him from work to tell him to get up. Other times I insist and almost drag him to the bathroom where I was his hair to wake him up! He is usually fine when he gets up. Some days I can cope with it. Others I get really upset as I get the sharp end of the bad mood no matter how I ask him to get up. Anyway - good luck! Izzy x
     
  7. medenview

    medenview Registered User

    Nov 10, 2008
    20
    My mum won't get up either! In fact, as I write, she is still in bed at 5pm, having been waited on all day. She usually will get up at about 7pm to watch a bit of tv and have dinner, then she will return to bed at 9.00 pm The whole thing will be repeated tomorrow - unless she is going out somewhere, when she will let us all get her up. No chance of her having a bath/wash hair though... I've given up worrying about it now, since I seem to be unable to change things.
    Please don't worry.
    Shaz x
     
  8. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,237
    Female
    Dundee
    Bill went upstairs to have a bath at 4.30. 5.40 - he hadn't returned. Went upstairs - he's in bed!! I am sad to say I lost the plot. He has had more than a few choice words and is in no doubt that I am not happy with him. Not fair I know but sometimes I can't help it. Sorry. Izzy x
     
  9. Clive

    Clive Registered User

    Nov 7, 2004
    716
    Just write to confirm I went through a similar period with mum who would lie in bed, ramrod straight, looking as if she was dead.

    In general it was almost impossible to get her to move and the best policy, in mum’s case, was to leave her until she decided to get up.

    Best wishes

    Clive
     
  10. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,061
    Toronto, Canada
    I think the best thing to do is leave him in bed. Your mother shouldn't be running up & down the stairs either. I'm glad to read she's having a cuppa and ignoring him. You've already established he's not ill so I think he can be ignored with a clear conscience.

    As you say, sometimes he's like a willful child.
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,125
    Kent
    It isn`t worth having a fight over, but I would not wait on anyone hand and foot unless they were ill. But someone with dementia is ill so where to draw the lie is difficult.

    Izzy, could Bill be suffering the after effects of your anniversary celebrations? Dhiren is always more tired after a change of routine.
     
  12. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,237
    Female
    Dundee
    I think you're right Sylvia. He was awake and up much earlier this morning - of his own volition. He lay and listened to the ipod while I went down for a swim at 7.30 (impressed!?) and was still awake and listening when I got back. He then happily got up at 8.45 - not like him. So yes I think that is the case and as usual I have been unreasonable. I need to get back into his good books but I think he may have forgotten what I said! Izzy x
     
  13. Vonny

    Vonny Registered User

    Feb 3, 2009
    4,577
    Telford
    Dear Izzy, with all you have to cope with, I don't think the term "unreasonable" fits you at all. Don't be so harsh on yourself, you are one in a million :)

    Vxx
     
  14. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,237
    Female
    Dundee
    Oh don't be nice to me - I'll cry!! Let's make sure we have a wee dram at the retreat!! Izzy x
     
  15. NewKid

    NewKid Registered User

    Mar 26, 2009
    367
    Warwickshire
    Bed, bed and more bed

    Sorry, but I was almost pleased to read all this as it is the same situation as my Mum.. and it's worrying me too. She spends a lot of time lying in bed - not necessarily asleep/ and not seemingly 'ill' (though as rightly pointed out they are all 'ill' and this I suppose is sadly just another symptom?).

    Some people observe she seems to be 'switching off' and 'depressed'. And there is surely a lot to be depressed about when your life has changed so much and you can't fathom it? (Her CH are going to bring in the GP and think about a vit B shot to try and energise her and lift her mood.) They worry because she is isolating herself as not in the sitting room interacting with others and misses so many of the morning activities (which I was so desperate for her to have). Me thinks she likes the safe haven of her bed, where she doesn't have to worry about conversations that she can no longer keep up with/ or initiate (it's a mixed dementia/ old age only place and Mum is new there). And apparently in the morning she can be vile tempered if badgered to get up - so they are tending to leave her to it rather than get a mouth full.

    So seems like a lot of us are in the same old boat here.
     
  16. Brokenhearted

    Brokenhearted Registered User

    Nov 27, 2009
    82
    Wales
    another bed lover!!!

    My mum will go to bed at around 10.00pm and she's still there at 1pm next day, but she's actually sleeping.....snoring for Britain!! She missed her hairdresser last week at 11am,and then said as sweet as a nut "I can't understand how I missed her". I can,she just hates getting out of her pit,(as I call it) trouble is, she then gets really angry and says some vile things to me.I hate this illness. Izzy, you're marvellous, I haven't been a member for long but you sound like an absolute diamond, don't reproach yourself. I wish I could be a part of having a wee dram with you but Dundee & Wales are too far away, have one for me please?
    Love Brokenhearted x
     
  17. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,237
    Female
    Dundee
    You're being too nice to me! Tears in eyes again!! Come to our virtual celebration on Helen's New Year thread! I have an aunt in Wales so we will be raising a glass to Wales as well! Izzy x
     
  18. Brokenhearted

    Brokenhearted Registered User

    Nov 27, 2009
    82
    Wales
    Too nice?

    Izzy, you absolutely deserve everyone to be nice to you, sorry if you get more tears in your eyes, but hopefully, they're tears of joy!! You're a star!!

    Love Brokenhearted [[[HUG]]]
     
  19. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,237
    Female
    Dundee
    Enough - thank you!!!!!
     
  20. Splodge

    Splodge Registered User

    Jan 13, 2009
    4
    Cheshire
    My mum currently spends as much as 20 hours out of 24 in bed, possibly more. And yes, she is SLEEPING and constantly complains she is tired when she is up, asking within 30 minutes of getting up if she can go back to bed. She does have depression but takes daily Citalopram with her Aricept which does a fabulous job of keeping her mood generally very good and quite jovial, she's just getting a bit stroppy sometimes with the carers, and with me too.

    My mum was always a poor riser, even when we were children, she is the archetypal 'not a morning person' and would always be dozing in the chair in the evening when we were kids. Alzheimers and consequent loss of interest/ability in hobbies, reading etc has just meant that she has nothing much to engage her when she is downstairs, so she trolls off back to bed.

    The result is that she has lost alot of muscle tone and consequently her mobility has decreased markedly in the last 18 months. Just standing upright now for more than about a minute will cause her to complain of back pain - I think her muscles have lost the ability to keep her vertical! At least we don't have to worry about wandering because she can no longer walk to the end of the road without demanding to sit down.

    The trouble is that this means she drinks very little which of course impacts on her lucidity. Her problems are mostly functional, cognitively she can have quite lucid periods. I know when she is dehydrated because she talks complete nonsense, with absolutely no part of her conversation making sense, whereas normally she can make sense some of the time.

    She now has carers three times a day and they are asked to give her half a glass of fizzy drink on arrival while they organise her meal. She also need prompting to drink, even when she complains of desperate thirst.
     

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