My 90 yr old Father has been in a slow decline with Alzheimer's for the past 4 years, however within the past few months he has been very reluctant to actually get up in the mornings - ( although he sleeps very well through the night ) Yesterday we did not manage to get him up till 3.15pm. Today he is still in bed, having taken his medication and all food & drink in his bed ! Any suggestions/ideas at all, much appreciated.
Dad wont get out of bed...?!
- Thread starter Zojets
- Start date
Hello Zojets and welcome to Talking Point,
I know things like things are upsetting and worrying but I would just leave him to get up when he wants if I were you, I don't see the point of making him if he doesn't want to, sometimes the only place you can get comfortable is in bed,
If you can't stop in bed as long as you want when you are 90 when can you?,
At least he still gets up sometime and is drinking and eating and taking his medication which is a big bonus,
Best wishes Jeany
I know things like things are upsetting and worrying but I would just leave him to get up when he wants if I were you, I don't see the point of making him if he doesn't want to, sometimes the only place you can get comfortable is in bed,
If you can't stop in bed as long as you want when you are 90 when can you?,
At least he still gets up sometime and is drinking and eating and taking his medication which is a big bonus,
Best wishes Jeany
My mum was like this some years ago, earlier in her dementia journey. I had to instruct her carers only to give her water and meds, no food or hot drinks, in bed. If she could trick them by pretending to have a headache she could spin it out all day, but if she needed to get up to have her food then she was more motivated to get up!
The other thing the carers could do was to give her plenty of fluids, so that she would need to get up to go to the toilet. Then when she came back they would stand in front of the bed, blocking her access, and say brightly "Oh good, you're up now, let's get you dressed." If that didn't work, then on her next toilet trip they would strip all the bedding off so that the bed no longer looked like a cosy haven.
It's all very well to say "Ah, bless, why shouldn't they stay in bed?" Well the answer is that it seriously shortens their lifespan if you let it become a habit. People need to move about to keep their lungs and general circulation healthy. They need to use their muscles. It doesn't take long for an elderly person's muscles to weaken through inactivity and then they can't mobilise even if they want to. They will also be at greater risk of falls. An immobile person in bed will develop pressure sores and is at risk of developing pneumonia because fluid builds up on their lungs.
It really isn't good for someone to take to their bed before nature puts them there, to be blunt. Nobody would begrudge them the odd duvet day. The trouble is, in my experience, that the person with dementia cannot remember that they've been indulged as a treat and will just make the same demands every day. Once they succeed in making it a habit you've the d*v*l's own job to restore a healthier daily routine.
The other thing the carers could do was to give her plenty of fluids, so that she would need to get up to go to the toilet. Then when she came back they would stand in front of the bed, blocking her access, and say brightly "Oh good, you're up now, let's get you dressed." If that didn't work, then on her next toilet trip they would strip all the bedding off so that the bed no longer looked like a cosy haven.
It's all very well to say "Ah, bless, why shouldn't they stay in bed?" Well the answer is that it seriously shortens their lifespan if you let it become a habit. People need to move about to keep their lungs and general circulation healthy. They need to use their muscles. It doesn't take long for an elderly person's muscles to weaken through inactivity and then they can't mobilise even if they want to. They will also be at greater risk of falls. An immobile person in bed will develop pressure sores and is at risk of developing pneumonia because fluid builds up on their lungs.
It really isn't good for someone to take to their bed before nature puts them there, to be blunt. Nobody would begrudge them the odd duvet day. The trouble is, in my experience, that the person with dementia cannot remember that they've been indulged as a treat and will just make the same demands every day. Once they succeed in making it a habit you've the d*v*l's own job to restore a healthier daily routine.
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Won't get up is familiar
Hi I am new to this, first person to talk to! I wonder how you have got on. I have gone through this, at a distance as I am an ill, only child. My daughter has cared for,,plus carers, my mum for a couple of years. In the last few months she too has refused to get up despite going to bed at 9 pm and sleeping. She also found the 3- 3.30pm a time when she woke up. Problem is she has diet controlled diabetes so she has been ill and press the red button when awake. carers cannot wake her or make her eat. Gp put her in hospital for a check up two weeks ago. In this time it is clear to us my daughter, and Carers cannot sustain her at home because of this sleeping and not eating. Now entering Care Home nightmare, I cannot afford any Top up fees as I am ill so th eight are begins. or maybe not if mum is looked after.
Hi I am new to this, first person to talk to! I wonder how you have got on. I have gone through this, at a distance as I am an ill, only child. My daughter has cared for,,plus carers, my mum for a couple of years. In the last few months she too has refused to get up despite going to bed at 9 pm and sleeping. She also found the 3- 3.30pm a time when she woke up. Problem is she has diet controlled diabetes so she has been ill and press the red button when awake. carers cannot wake her or make her eat. Gp put her in hospital for a check up two weeks ago. In this time it is clear to us my daughter, and Carers cannot sustain her at home because of this sleeping and not eating. Now entering Care Home nightmare, I cannot afford any Top up fees as I am ill so th eight are begins. or maybe not if mum is looked after.
3 pm waking sounds familiar
Cannot help much, but we had this with mum in last two months. exactly as you describe. Carers nor my daughter who oversees care has managed to get round this. Mum awakes then is ill and presses the red emergency button.mshe is unwell and deeply confused as she has diet led diabetes, and has refused weakening and food. GP sent her into hospital for tests, but it is the Alzheimers we are told. My daughter is on her knees and has a young family. She has only done this for me as I am quite poorly with a long term illness. I live 130 miles away.mwe have just started the care home route, but I Cannot afford any top up fees. So am,looking for advice myself. I do hope you are managing better now.
Cannot help much, but we had this with mum in last two months. exactly as you describe. Carers nor my daughter who oversees care has managed to get round this. Mum awakes then is ill and presses the red emergency button.mshe is unwell and deeply confused as she has diet led diabetes, and has refused weakening and food. GP sent her into hospital for tests, but it is the Alzheimers we are told. My daughter is on her knees and has a young family. She has only done this for me as I am quite poorly with a long term illness. I live 130 miles away.mwe have just started the care home route, but I Cannot afford any top up fees. So am,looking for advice myself. I do hope you are managing better now.
Katrine said:
Here are two valid points of view. Zojets, I think you have to decide which is appropriate for your situation.
Katrine, I understand your point about shortening a person's lifespan, but if a person is 90, that may not be as relevant as if the person is 65.
What we did when my mother point blank refused to get out of bed (she was in her late 60s at the time) was to have the staff ensure she stay hydrated with juice and water, and let her lie in later. They usually managed to get her up and out of bed for lunch. I felt that was a fair compromise between her desire to stay in bed and keeping her moving. Now that she is in a wheelchair, we feel it's no longer as important.
My father, who is almost 89, has been like this for several years. I have been totally unable to do anything about it - he absolutely refuses to get up, sometimes until the late afternoon. It's very expensive, because his carers clock up extra time just hanging around in the house waiting to give him his breakfast ... which often gets skipped, and he goes straight to a late lunch. Sometimes he won't even get up when he's got an important hospital appointment, and we have to re-book.
I've told him and told him and told him that in the end, he will lose his ability to walk, but it makes no difference. Now he actually has lost most of his walking ability - and guess what - he is really upset about it.
I got him a special foam mattress that's supposed to be good for preventing bedsores - in his area (Kirklees Council) you can get these free from Social Services, and now we give him one of those build-you-up vitamin-rich drinks in the morning, just so he's not going for too long without some sort of food. We always try to make all his appointments for as late as possible in the day. These are the only things I have been able to think of to cope with the problem.
I've told him and told him and told him that in the end, he will lose his ability to walk, but it makes no difference. Now he actually has lost most of his walking ability - and guess what - he is really upset about it.
I got him a special foam mattress that's supposed to be good for preventing bedsores - in his area (Kirklees Council) you can get these free from Social Services, and now we give him one of those build-you-up vitamin-rich drinks in the morning, just so he's not going for too long without some sort of food. We always try to make all his appointments for as late as possible in the day. These are the only things I have been able to think of to cope with the problem.
