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Dad with dementia and driving

clumsy

New member
Dec 1, 2021
1
0
My dad has had memory problems since he had a mini stroke 5 years ago he's always been in denial but the last year it's been horrible he can't get his words out when he tries to tell us things and finally mum rang the Dr to say we needed help and they sent dad to the memory clinic. He's failed the test and today had a driving assessment and now has to go for a driving test and he's been so nasty to mum blaming her but so difficult and upsetting seeing him like this. It's not helped as my brother had covid 20 months ago and we nearly lost him and he's had to learn to talk eat and walk again and he's still in a care home and dad's not coped with this at all but we have so much stress on with both dad and brother we are at breaking point. We know dad will only get worse and he gets so nasty to poor mum we are waiting for which form of dementia dad has but they think it's vascular and he's going down hill so quickly. Such a stressful time.
 

nellbelles

Volunteer Host
Nov 6, 2008
9,446
0
leicester
Hello @clumsy and welcome to DTP.
it sounds as if as a family you are going through a very difficult time, it is possible that your Dad will refuse to believe that there are any issues with his driving which may cause issues for you all.
Now you have a diagnosis you could look in to claiming Attendance allowance, it also might be time to see if he would agree to setting up power of attorney while he still has the capacity to do so.
This is a very supportive and friendly forum you will hopefully learn a lot from other members posts, so I hope you will continue to post and share your own experiences .
 

duchess55

Registered User
Sep 1, 2021
57
0
My dad has had memory problems since he had a mini stroke 5 years ago he's always been in denial but the last year it's been horrible he can't get his words out when he tries to tell us things and finally mum rang the Dr to say we needed help and they sent dad to the memory clinic. He's failed the test and today had a driving assessment and now has to go for a driving test and he's been so nasty to mum blaming her but so difficult and upsetting seeing him like this. It's not helped as my brother had covid 20 months ago and we nearly lost him and he's had to learn to talk eat and walk again and he's still in a care home and dad's not coped with this at all but we have so much stress on with both dad and brother we are at breaking point. We know dad will only get worse and he gets so nasty to poor mum we are waiting for which form of dementia dad has but they think it's vascular and he's going down hill so quickly. Such a stressful time.
My husband had his licence revoked about 20 months ago. He is very bitter and resents me driving the car. Only today he said, that is your car outside and said it very nastily. A few times I have had to stand in front door f the door and prevent him from going to the car and driving it. The irony is i don’t like driving.
 

BluTinks

Registered User
Dec 7, 2018
64
0
I had same problem with my mum, you just have to keep saying it’s nothing to do with you it’s the law and out of your hands. Even when my mum’s driving license was revoked she still drove!
 

Violet Jane

Registered User
Aug 23, 2021
585
0
You can contact the local police station and ask them to send an officer round to speak to your PWD. My elderly friend would not accept that she had to stop driving and refused to hand over her keys to me. As I did not have a PoA for Heath and Welfare I didn’t feel that I had the right to take her keys from her without her permission. After some weeks of getting nowhere her GP surgery contacted the police and they sent an officer round. My friend told me that the police officer had dropped by to reassure her that the police were looking out for elderly people who lived on their own but I was pretty sure that he had come to talk about something else! I don’t know whether it was a coincidence but when I visited her the following morning she agreed to hand over her keys to me, and I virtually ran out of the front door before she could change her mind. Afterwards, she did talk about driving for a while but never appeared to search for her keys or, if she did, she didn’t mention this to me. What helped (sadly) was that her legs and feet became very swollen and I don’t think that she would have felt able to drive with them in that condition.

Sometimes it’s best to find a reason why the PWD can’t drive for a supposedly temporary period eg s/he is recovering from an illness / the car is in for repair or an MOT / the roads around him/her are being taken up or blocked off. After a while, s/he may forget about driving or may have deteriorated to the point that s/he no longer expresses a wish to drive. Of course, strategies to stop the PWD driving do essentially involve lying but that’s far better than him/her driving and having an accident that could kill or seriously injure someone.

It’s obviously much more difficult if you are living with the PWD and still have to use the car and transport the PWD in it.
 

MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
1,451
0
I have come to realise that this is very common indeed, and my own tale of woe has much in common with others. Usually the person who is most close is blamed. I had to endure a veritable storm when I sold my dad's car after his licence was revoked. He continues to deny that there is any reason why he should not drive.