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Dad will have to go into care home

Ewigfield

New member
Feb 23, 2021
1
0
Dad going into a care home. My mum who is the main carer for my dad has reached her breaking point and would like my dad to go into a care home. I feel devastated by this and feel really upset and sad as I know this isn't what my dad would have wanted. I also feel like this is it- he'll go into a care home and not come out. I've worked in care homes previously and worry about the quality of the care he will receive as he is mainly bedbound. The main reason my mum has reached this point is because she has been unable to work as Dad can't be left on his own. She spoke to the social worker about a private carer which would cost £500 a month. How much are care home fees roughly? My mum is laying the maximum threshold amount each month currently after a means assessment. Also, do those going into a home need to have had both the first and second dose of the vaccine?
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,983
0
N Ireland
Hello @Ewigfield. I'm sorry that such a sad circumstance has brought you here but you are welcome.

Fees vary widely both on a regional basis and depending on the nature of the home(residential, nursing etc)

The best I can do is supply a link below that will take you to the publications list and you will see that that contains a lot of information on the subject. I hope it helps
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,282
0
I am not sure I fully understand your post, so forgive me if my answer isn’t what you wanted!

My friend recently employed a live in carer ( which means the understanding is they get to sleep at night ) she is paying £840 per week, but is located near to London. This is a private arrangement and actually cheaper than an agency.

I expect to pay about £1200 per week when my mother has to go into care.

You do not need to two jabs to enter a care home.
It is possible to queue jump and get the second jab, it just requires a letter from the GP.

Care home.co.uk can be a useful web site, for comparing homes.

I hope things work out for you.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
1,363
0
High Peak
Whatever your dad may have wanted, he would never have imagined the way dementia would affect him or his wife - your mum.

Caring for someone is about getting them the help they need, not about keeping them at home indefinitely. Your mum has reached carer breakdown and your father needs far more help now than she can provide. As time goes on, he will only get worse and no one can change that.

Your mum deserves a decent life too, doesn't she? If your father moves to a care home she can go back to being his wife again rather than trying to do the jobs of umpteen carers 24/7.
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,490
0
My mother in law was in care in the south east and was paying £1300 a week. I had a quote from an agency for live in care and it was £1000 a week. I'm afraid that the person with dementia's needs become so great that they outweigh what they or family members want to happen . You have now reached that point.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
2,818
0
Hi @Ewigfield and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. You'll get lots of help and advice here.
This is a link to the site that @Weasell mentioned Care Home UK. It's a good place to start if you are looking for a care home. From the sound of it your father needs a nursing home rather than a residential one I know it isn't something that anyone wants to have to consider, but it does sound that it would be for the best for both your father and your mother. As for cost my mother's home costs about £1,600 a week but we live in an expensive part of London and it is a modern 'hotel' like place.
This Fact Sheet on paying for care might be useful as might this one about choosing care.
As others have said going into care care doesn't mean your mother and you are still not caring for your father you are just doing it in a different way and can get back to being his wife and daughter again.
Do keep posting, this is a very supportive place.
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
10,088
0
Yorkshire
hello @Ewigfield
a warm welcome to DTP

I'm sorry that your mum has reached her breaking point and had to take the tough decision to move your dad into residential care ... that's such hard choice for a spouse to make and often comes a long time after it was clearly necessary, as your mum will have wanted to keep her husband at home with her for as long as possible ... she has to do what your dad needs now, sadly overriding his wants

it's not an easy time for any of the family, so it's understandable that you feel as you do ... keep posting here, it helps

I'm a little concerned that you say your mum is paying care fees ... the financial assessment should have made it clear that any funding of care fees should come only from your dad's individual finances, plus half of any shared savings, so your mum ought not to be paying his fees (she will need her own finances to live on, and your dad can give her half of any private pensions)
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
14,939
0
South coast
24/7 caring for someone with dementia is incredibly hard and eventually their needs exceed what one person can meet, however loving and willing.
No-one wants to move into a care home, but it often becomes necessary and sometimes it can be very positive. Mum tried to make me promise that I would never put her in a home, but instead I promised to do everything I could to do what was best for her. She moved into a care home and lived for three years there. She thrived there and I have some very happy memories of her time there. I felt (and still feel) that i had kept my promise.

As has already said, caring for someone means doing what is best for them, not trying to keep them at home indefinitely.