Dad wants to change his will! What should I do?

[Kevinl]

The problem is if the father has a mental capacity assessment and it is determined he does have capacity he could fall out with Lilly over the matter and write a new will disinheriting both daughters.
Refusing to have anything to do with the will change and if it is decided he has capacity could alienate him from Lillly as well as the other sister, when dealing with people with AZ it's important to stay onside with them as far as possible, going against them in even the smallest way came get a disproportions over response from them as I'm sure many of us on here have found out the hard way.
K

 

[northumbrian_k]

I have some experience of a capacity test carried out by a GP as this was required when my wife was going to change her will to mirror changes in mine (at our solicitor's suggestion). On the day of the test she was not aware of discussing this with the solicitor and could not explain why she would want to change her will. The GP quickly and quite rightly felt that she had not demonstrated capacity. If your father has capacity he can act as he likes but I suspect that any test carried out might conclude that he hasn't. Either way you should keep out of it to avoid any future misunderstandings about your role and potential bad feelings.

 

[AliceA]

The problem is if the father has a mental capacity assessment and it is determined he does have capacity he could fall out with Lilly over the matter and write a new will disinheriting both daughters.
Refusing to have anything to do with the will change and if it is decided he has capacity could alienate him from Lillly as well as the other sister, when dealing with people with AZ it's important to stay onside with them as far as possible, going against them in even the smallest way came get a disproportions over response from them as I'm sure many of us on here have found out the hard way.
K

You are right about 'as far as possible.!
But it does have limits on what is possible, what is safe and what is legal. Lily needs to learn to distract too. Some things that that may become an obsession could be life threatening, such as deciding to drive the car again. Too much acquiescence could be feeding the obsession. Of course it could be that by the end there is little money to leave.

 

[lilly73]

Thank you for helping I am trying to discourage him to proceed with this change to his previous Will which splits his estate between the two of us and I have spoken to the solicitor concerned as I have had to help him with the administration filling in the will questionnaire etc as he can't write things down anymore and I have had to make the appointments and take him to them which i think is leaving me open to criticism after he has passed away and the will comes into force. Its very difficult to see how I'm going to stop him doing this. Its already taken 2 months to get to this point.

 

[LynneMcV]

I am not an expert on this but I am sure that there is an ability for a beneficiary of a Will to execute a deed of variation under which he/she can redirect all or part of any inheritance to another individual.

if I was in this difficult situation and there was nothing I could do to stop a Will being changed to something I felt was unfair to a sibling I would be looking at that as a way forward.

 

[canary]

Its very difficult to see how I'm going to stop him doing this.

What you do is defer everything and keep kicking the can down the road.
My OH wants things done NOW and saying "no" is like a red rag to a bull, so what I do is start the sentence with "yes" and then say what I need to say , even though Im actually saying no.

So - when your dad wants to to do something say "yes" so it sounds like you are agreeing, and then back pedal as fast as you can. Yes or course Ill take you to the solicitors, but first you need to book an appointment. Yes of course Ill book the appointment, but I seem to have lost the number. Oh it totally slipped my mind (my memory is getting so bad), yes, Ill do it - tomorrow. Yes, we are waiting for the solicitor to get back to you. Yes, Ill give you a lift, but my car has got to go to the garage/have its MOT/whatever done first. The questionnaire may mysteriously disappear - never mind, Ill get you another one dad.

Rinse and repeat until the obsession stops

 

[chippiebites]

I am not an expert on this but I am sure that there is an ability for a beneficiary of a Will to execute a deed of variation under which he/she can redirect all or part of any inheritance to another individual.

if I was in this difficult situation and there was nothing I could do to stop a Will being changed to something I felt was unfair to a sibling I would be looking at that as a way forward.

Yes, I too think this is possible, although I think it is the executors & the beneficiaries that would be affected that would all have to agree to execute a deed of variation on a will

 

[Upset and tired]

We’re going through a similar situation and have shown how things between families, especially where money is involved, can turn ugly. See my post. The problem is the other sister could feel as though she has no control and become embittered by it all. Given my own experience, don’t get involved, it doesn’t sound as though he would have capacity. At the end of the day, if he does decide to change his will, she could, if she chose, to challenge it. The only people to benefit then would be solicitors. Trust me money matters makes people act in very strange ways.

 

[Jessbow]

Thank you for helping I am trying to discourage him to proceed with this change to his previous Will which splits his estate between the two of us and I have spoken to the solicitor concerned as I have had to help him with the administration filling in the will questionnaire etc as he can't write things down anymore and I have had to make the appointments and take him to them which i think is leaving me open to criticism after he has passed away and the will comes into force. Its very difficult to see how I'm going to stop him doing this. Its already taken 2 months to get to this point.

You cant stop him doing it IF he A) has the capacity and b) you dont pave the way.

STEP BACK.

If he wants to change his will, let him do so, but dont involved yourself in ENABLING him to.

If he can do it on his own, so be it, if he can't , he cant.DONT help him do anything

If he wants a solicitors appt, he has to ring

If a form needs filling- he has to fill it.



Inform the solicitor that I wont be enabling? NO, I wouldnt even do that - solicitor wont want to loose work and will ring dad.

Just keep batting the ball away with excuses

 

[rocket27]

Hi when I read this thread I couldn't believe how similar it is to the mess Im dealing with at the moment. My mum passed away last year and it only came to my attention that she had changed her Will two months later after she passed away. I started to get suspicious when my sister broke all contact with me straight after the funeral. Turns out my sister had taken mum to her own solicitors and dealt with the whole process her self, made herself and her business partner the executors of the estate found a doctor (not her GP) willing to give a mental capacity assessment for a few quid and completely disinherited my self and my family I can't tell you how shocked we were its terrible you think you can trust family. I still can't believe how easy it was for her to do it and how the solicitors let them. My advise to you is to walk away from this NOW!!!

 

[witts1973]

Hi when I read this thread I couldn't believe how similar it is to the mess Im dealing with at the moment. My mum passed away last year and it only came to my attention that she had changed her Will two months later after she passed away. I started to get suspicious when my sister broke all contact with me straight after the funeral. Turns out my sister had taken mum to her own solicitors and dealt with the whole process her self, made herself and her business partner the executors of the estate found a doctor (not her GP) willing to give a mental capacity assessment for a few quid and completely disinherited my self and my family I can't tell you how shocked we were its terrible you think you can trust family. I still can't believe how easy it was for her to do it and how the solicitors let them. My advise to you is to walk away from this NOW!!!

My God that's shocking

 

[Saffie]

To be honest, your father chose to move four hours away from your sister - I’m assuming it was his decision and not your’s - therefore making visits from her more difficult to manage. So to accuse her of not visiting now seems rather unfair but then that is dementia and logic disappears very early on.
I agree with those who say to tell your father that as a beneficiary, you are not permitted to help him with this in any way at all. He must make the appointments and do everything. Not easy I realise but capacity at any given moment does not reflect a person’s true state of mental ability. Persistent gnawing at an issue is very much a dementia trait. I assume distraction doesn’t work.
A very difficult situation for you and I wish you well with it.