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Dad wants me to quit work and look after him

jelba

Registered User
Aug 1, 2012
225
Huddersfield
My dad is 73 and recently been in hospital with kidney problems he back home but spends half a day in bed or in the bathroom. I work but had to keep taking days off as he got part altzimers due to his stroke last year. His wife is In a care home so he only got me. Money not a issue so looking after him won't effect me financially. What steps will I have to take and who would I need to contact. My dad won't go into a care home and knows time is running out for him don't think he well enough to visit his wife much more. I asked him about trying to get a part time carer in but he not keen on the Idea. Another thing I like to know about is how do I get a covid test for myself as i could see mum if we can get extra care any help or advice would be much appreciated thank you
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,905
South coast
My mum wanted me to give up work, leave my OH and go and live with her so that I could look after her.
It was never going to happen.

You dont actually have to inform anyone, you just move in, but if you do do this it could turn out to be a short-lived solution. Would you be able to return to work afterwards?
 

Louise7

Registered User
Mar 25, 2016
2,263
Did you mention previously you were furloughed? You'll need to let your employed know if you don't intend to return to work. If you are moving in with your Dad then if he is a local authority/housing association tenant he will need to inform them, and you will also need to let the Council Tax department know. If he is able to pay for private carers then you could arrange this without needing to go via social services. Most people will say that they don't want a carer coming in but if he needs one you could arrange this, maybe introduce them as being there to help you rather than him. Think carefully about giving up work as it could affect your future pensions and although you may be OK for money now you need to think about the future too. You can get a covid test privately, prices tend to vary but it will cost around £100 or so. Bear in mind that the test will only show if you are negative on the day that you take it so if the care home are saying that you need one to visit your mum check their guidelines first before going ahead with a test as they may want the test to be taken close to the visit. NB: The government is apparently going to announce changes to the current guidance relating to visitors inside care home very soon though you might be best to wait to see what the announcement says before going ahead with a private test.
 

jelba

Registered User
Aug 1, 2012
225
Huddersfield
I live with my dad and been back to work for about a month now been at same work place for 27 years dad also on stroke care support but due to the coronavirus can't visit and everything is done by telephone at the moment house is fully paid for so no need to worry about that
 
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jelba

Registered User
Aug 1, 2012
225
Huddersfield
Had to do 111 again as dad won't take his tablets still got stomach pains they think it might be an hernia paramedic thinks he needs 24 hour medical care which I can't give him this is the forth time in a month I had paramedics to my dad he don't want a carer in because all my dad wants to do is stay in bed to 2,pm everyday his weight is decreasing a lot and my dad knows there something wrong but due to his stroke he can't tell them and blames me. Had a meeting at work yesterday but if I resign I will loose 28 years redundancy money but how can I give him 24 hour care
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,905
South coast
You are not a trained nurse - you cannot give him 24 hr medical care.
What he needs is a nursing home with trained nurses on shifts so that there is someone on duty over the 24 hr period.

Your dad wont like it, but there comes a time when you have to stop trying to enable their wants and start to enforce their needs. I think you have reached this stage.

Now is the time to contact SS and get a new needs assessment.
Please dont give up your work.
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,509
I was just going to post exactly what @canary said. If you give up work you'll be a lot worse off in lots of ways but it won't make things better for your dad as it sounds he needs far more care than one untrained person could give him. He won't like it, but to be honest he probably wouldn't be happy if you were there twenty-four hours a day either.
 

jelba

Registered User
Aug 1, 2012
225
Huddersfield
He went to the hospital out within a hour gave him some laxatives and said he be OK talk to him about care and said he only go if a doctor or his stroke worker says so stroke service are waiting for the shielding to end on August 1st
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,307
He might agree at the moment about care , but what if he refuses next month ? As others have said , he needs a whole team looking after him 24/7 . He won't be happy wherever he is, that's the nature of the illness.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
410
I agree with the other members that looking after your Dad on is not sustainable. Four paramedic visits in a month is a big hint. Does the care-home your Mum is in have the facilities to care for your Dad?
 

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