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Dad very depressed and not eating much


Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
My Dad is very very low at the moment and isn't eating much at all, refusing food at the care home, or only eating a little bit and has lost a lot of weight. I am wondering if he has just decided to give up? Has anyone else had any experience with this sort of thing? He is 82, was diagnosed last july with Alzheimers but had been bad for at least 18 months before.

He has been in the care home for 6 months and has settled in very well. Before at home he had been hiding food and lost a lot of weight, and put some back on when he first moved into the home. They then tried to get him off the Respiridone and as the dose got very low his behavoiour changed with him getting very agitated and angry, particularly when staff were trying to change him (he is doubly incontinent). The decision was made to up the Respiridone again, which was done about a month ago. In the last few weeks he has become more and more depressed.

They are talking of trying him on some new anti depressents, which I don't have much faith in, as I have read that they are not very effective on people with dementia.

I just wanted to share, it is so sad. I hate to see him so low and I honestly don't want him to go on for years suffering, and the honest truth of me saying I hope he passes on sooner rather than later makes me feel like a complete and utter cow, and I get depressed from that, and as and when he does go I will be heart broken to have lost my Dad.

Sorry I am not having a very good day today.


Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
Saucepan I don't think there is a single person who would criticise you on here. When quality of life diminishes beyond a certain point it is hard to be positive. Nevertheless you are the one who gives him a sense of well being and let's other people in the care home know you are looking out for him.

Good wishes.


Registered User
Apr 22, 2015
Oh Saucepan I certainly dont critercise you with your thoughts " sooner rather than later". I to have them and they make me feel dreadful but in reality I just don't want my mum suffering. I'm a firm believer in quality of life in animals yet I am watching my mum suffer like your dad. It just breaks my heart it really does - just a huge hug xxx


Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
Thank you for your kind words. It is so good to know we are not alone and support is out there from you lovely people.


Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
SW London
I have such thoughts too, and I don't think my mother is even suffering as such - she is past being aware of much at all. It is just that she has zero quality of life any more, and it is a most pitiful and undignified existence that would have horrified her former self. She will be 97 next month and I honestly do not think that another birthday, in her case, will really be anything to celebrate. She will not be remotely aware of cards or presents or any of it. She is such a very poor old thing now - I wish she could just slip away peacefully in her sleep, and I can't say I feel bad or guilty for feeling like that.


Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
Witzend - I know from your posts on here what a lovely person you are. I am part of this group - the group none of us wanted to join - where you're waiting for someone you love to die and hoping it won't take too long because the time taken is just prolonging barrenness and horror. x


Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
You are never alone here friend and there is always a friend to tell you they understand. Death is always on my mind. I hope mum passes with a fast stroke rather than sink into a world where she forgets everyone. But, we have only to wait and pray and stop every now and then to gain strength. Sending you strength and love to help you through. Love quilty

Wendy C

Registered User
Jan 29, 2012
West Midlands
Your certainly not alone, as I have said previously if only there was only a little pill. I love my Mom to the moon and back and would miss her terribly, but I hate to see her living in a world of her own. So blinking sad. xx

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