Should we tell Mum?
I haven't posted for a while as things have been very hectic and it has been impossible to concentrate on anything. After my dad went back into hospital, it felt as if he was going into the process of giving up. He kept asking the doctors to 'finish him off' and give him tablets. We talked a lot and he decided he felt more like living after a while. He somehow seemed less confused than when he was at home; perhaps not distracted by how things used to be and the fact my mum was no longer there. In the last week, he started to deteriorate at an alarming rate and it became harder and harder to have a conversation with him. I sat with him at the hospital all day yesterday and he was barely conscious and couldn't communicate. I talked all day to him about past holidays and exploits and told him how much he was loved. I was holding his hand when he took his last breaths and passed away at 5.30pm. Although I felt it was going to happen, it was still a shock if that makes sense. I feel in a daze today and have started informing friends and family, who are very supportive. My dad had requested a burial in the small village church and so I am making the necessary plans. Of course, now my attention turns to my mum; she is more in her own world than ever in her care home, believing my dad is either on holiday or 'very busy' at the moment. I am actually wondering what the benefit of telling her about his death would be and also attending the funeral. I feel I need to look at what's best for her and don't want to trigger a decline even further in her dementia by exposing her to the distress of the funeral when, by past experience, she won't understand what is happening. I would really welcome other's view or experiences around this as I want to do the right thing. Thank you.
I haven't posted for a while as things have been very hectic and it has been impossible to concentrate on anything. After my dad went back into hospital, it felt as if he was going into the process of giving up. He kept asking the doctors to 'finish him off' and give him tablets. We talked a lot and he decided he felt more like living after a while. He somehow seemed less confused than when he was at home; perhaps not distracted by how things used to be and the fact my mum was no longer there. In the last week, he started to deteriorate at an alarming rate and it became harder and harder to have a conversation with him. I sat with him at the hospital all day yesterday and he was barely conscious and couldn't communicate. I talked all day to him about past holidays and exploits and told him how much he was loved. I was holding his hand when he took his last breaths and passed away at 5.30pm. Although I felt it was going to happen, it was still a shock if that makes sense. I feel in a daze today and have started informing friends and family, who are very supportive. My dad had requested a burial in the small village church and so I am making the necessary plans. Of course, now my attention turns to my mum; she is more in her own world than ever in her care home, believing my dad is either on holiday or 'very busy' at the moment. I am actually wondering what the benefit of telling her about his death would be and also attending the funeral. I feel I need to look at what's best for her and don't want to trigger a decline even further in her dementia by exposing her to the distress of the funeral when, by past experience, she won't understand what is happening. I would really welcome other's view or experiences around this as I want to do the right thing. Thank you.