Dad refusing to Change Clothes

[referee50]

Hello all,
My Dad has been in a Care Home since he broke his Hip last year and his moderate Altzeimers worstened. He is happy in the Home and generally we are happy with the care he receives. However, he is getting more stubborn about bathing and changing his clothes. He has had his current clothes on for 3 weeks now. He should have assitance to wash and dress himself, but he makes sure he is up and dressed before any of the Carers get to him! Suggestions for him to change his clothes are met with straight refusal, and if they attempt to remove them when (and if) they can get him to have a bath, he gets angry. He told me that they have a "special machine" on the premisis and his clothes are removed from his Zimmer, where he hangs them, as he sleeps, and put back there, all clean, before he wakes up!! If we find dirty clothes in his room we try to put them in his laundry hamper without him noticing, but 9 times out of 10 he must notice them later as Mum will find the items back in his drawer/wardrobe later in the week.
I have asked the home to try to ensure that he changes his clothes once a week, and, if possible, bathed, but we keep coming back to this point again.
Has anyone else experienced something similar in a Care Home environment? I cannot understand how they cannot find a solution to this as it is a re-occuring theme month after month. Am I being unreasonable to ask them to treat this as a problem, or am I right to expect that they should have the expertise to handle this and find a solution that we are all happy with? I am totally in agreement with them that he should not be put in a position where he feels uncomfortable, anxious or forced into something he does not want to do, but sad to say it almost feels like they are using it as an excuse not to deal with this matter? My Mum finds it really hard as she visits 3 times a week and to keep seeing him in the same dirty clothes is very upsetting for her as he was always a very smartly dressed man...

 

[loveahug]

May I suggest identical sets of clothes, to wear, to keep in the wardrobe/drawers and for the home to store separately so they could then switch them in the night, it would be difficult for them to say they were unable to do this, surely?

 

[jeany123]

When you get hold of the dirty clothes in his room could you take them straight to the laundry instead of putting them in his hamper then he wouldn't be able to put them back in his drawers,

 

[BR_ANA]

Take him to swim, or just wet him with an "accident" with a cup of water.

Identical sets of clothes are good too.

I would ask manager to dress and bathe him earlier.

 

[ASH74]

Does your Dad leave the care home at all...shopping...visits home...? My FIL went through a similar phase at home....I am afraid I always did my very "bossy" bit ..... We are off to the docs you better wash and get changed can't go to the docs in those pants....so and so is coming to visit you better get upstairs and have a wash......I was the only one who could get away with it....everybody else got the thin lipped treatment. (I think it is ingrained in his head what he used to say to my son......do what your Mum says.....you don't want to upset her!). He also showers and changes his clothes when he knows I am expected ! He rings me to tell me! (I must be soo scary).

I like the idea of identical clothes (did that when my son was tiny...forgotten!....he would scream as a toddler if he didn't have his T-shirt) ....FIL had such a melt down when I chucked his trousers with a hole in the bum and no fly zip.....he had worn them to the point of collapse.

I do think the nursing home should be a bit more proactive. Is he happy with his bathroom there? Is there only a shower and he wants a bath? Just a thought?


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[Jessbow]

Do they have an on site laundry? Surely someone could whip the clothes away overnight, wash and dry them and have them back on his zimmer for the morning?

What would happen if his clothes were simply not there in the morning? They may have to ride out the storm for a day or two whilst he gets cross about it, would he stay in his PJ's ss or wear something else?

I tend to agree with you, thy are not being very proactive, they do need to do something! Male carer maybe?

there are ways and means (pressure mat maybe)of noticing someone getting out of bed. They should be able to get to him and assist/supervise...even if every otherday for a start.

 

[Witzend]

My FIL would not change his clothes if asked, and it was very difficult to get him to have a bath. Only my OH could sometimes persuade him, and he was often away for weeks at a time.

The only thing I found I could do was to watch like a hawk for when he went to the loo first thing (in his pyjamas), zoom in and replace his clothes with clean ones. Thank heaven he never seemed to notice. I had to have the other things all ready to go - couldn't be faffing around looking for clean underpants etc. Difficult to do this in a CH, though.

He had always been terribly stubborn about clothes even before dementia - insisting on wearing very thin summer trousers when it was freezing, or on wearing some old holey jumper when my poor MIL had spent ages knitting him a nice new one. My OH once marched him off for new shoes when he was insisting on wearing some that were falling to bits - on the way back OH dropped the old ones in a bin. It was funny how he would take this sort of thing quite easily from OH, when poor MIL could never persuade him - he would just dig his heels in even harder. I suspect there was a little bit of old fashioned misogyny at work - 'What do women know,' etc., though I don't suppose he'd ever have admitted it.

 

[pamann]

My husbands cousin is in a CH she has started to get difficult with washing and changing clothes, she just get so cross when they try to wash her, she is begining to look very rough dirty clothes, hair looks a mess, l think if they are difficult they seem to just leave them, her niece is trying to sort it out, most of the residents look smart and clean, all of them have dementia, AD it is upsetting for you, good idea to have the same clothes, then wash the dirty ones let us know how you get on ♥♥♥

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