1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. hrh

    hrh Registered User

    Sep 16, 2017
    57
    Hello all,

    My father in law, passed away on Wednesday, we haven't told mum who has dm, the funeral is not till 1st August so a couple of weeks away yet, the plan is to tell mum a few days before and let her attend the funeral. This is a very hard decision to have to make. At the moment she is constantly asking after him and wanting to get home to cook for him as she knows he not been well. Has anyone experienced having to do the above, did it have such a negative impact on the pwdm. I'm sure once she is told she won't want to live herself and give up. Being in the CH isn't perfect but the best way to go. Also the financial considerations of owning her own home has an added complication as to do we do a deffered payment scheme or go self funding, as at present we do a top up fee. Does this make a difference.
    Why is everything so complicated.

    Yours, really feeling tired.

    H x
     
  2. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,902
    Female
    South coast
    Im so sorry to hear your news @hrh

    Although your dad is still on your mums mind I think your mum will probably forget that he has passed away. You dont have to remind her - it may be better to just say that he is at work and working long hours or something, so that she doesnt not get anxious or agitated.
    ((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
     
  3. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,075
    Merseyside
    I’m so sorry @hrh. my thoughts are with you.
     
  4. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,227
    Essex
    Dear hrh,

    I send my sincere condolences to you as I lost dad just over a month ago and I am still tearful some days. At the moment you will have to keep your mum calm and you may have to tell some love lies. My heart goes out to you and hopefully once the funeral is over you'll be able to relax a little. I hope you are getting some help.

    MaNaAk
     
  5. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,417
    Female
    England
    So sorry to hear your sad news.
     
  6. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    312
    My thought are with you
    What does the CH suggest?
    I’d follow their advice as they have experienced these situations before & will be able to advise
    X
    Much love at this time
     
  7. hrh

    hrh Registered User

    Sep 16, 2017
    57
    They have said they will support us in our choice there is no right or wrong way.

    Dad to be looking at her, today she said she is cross with him and they not speaking,
    H x
     
  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,143
    Kent
    I'm sad for you @hrh. You have so much to worry about on top of losing your dad.

    I hope the care home will be supportive to you. I know there is no right or wrong way so give yourself a little time to make the best decision.
     
  9. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,265
    Female
    Dundee
    I’m so sorry for your loss. Sending my condolences.
     
  10. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,755
    Female
    Scotland
    The second part of your post was about their home which now presumably is owned entirely by the wife. This means that her care home fees will have to be paid entirely rather than just a top up until she reaches the cut off level of around £23,500. So the family is now faced with selling the home and rearranging finances.

    Hard to do but better to know what lies ahead.
     
  11. lis66

    lis66 Registered User

    Aug 7, 2015
    239
    So sorry for your loss xx
     
  12. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    312
    How did you it go ?
    Did your Dad remember that she’d passed afterwards?
    I hope it wasn’t too distressing for you ?
    Xx
     

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