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Dad passed away

hrh

Registered User
Sep 16, 2017
76
Hello all,

My father in law, passed away on Wednesday, we haven't told mum who has dm, the funeral is not till 1st August so a couple of weeks away yet, the plan is to tell mum a few days before and let her attend the funeral. This is a very hard decision to have to make. At the moment she is constantly asking after him and wanting to get home to cook for him as she knows he not been well. Has anyone experienced having to do the above, did it have such a negative impact on the pwdm. I'm sure once she is told she won't want to live herself and give up. Being in the CH isn't perfect but the best way to go. Also the financial considerations of owning her own home has an added complication as to do we do a deffered payment scheme or go self funding, as at present we do a top up fee. Does this make a difference.
Why is everything so complicated.

Yours, really feeling tired.

H x
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,375
South coast
Im so sorry to hear your news @hrh

Although your dad is still on your mums mind I think your mum will probably forget that he has passed away. You dont have to remind her - it may be better to just say that he is at work and working long hours or something, so that she doesnt not get anxious or agitated.
((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
2,506
Essex
Hello all,

My father in law, passed away on Wednesday, we haven't told mum who has dm, the funeral is not till 1st August so a couple of weeks away yet, the plan is to tell mum a few days before and let her attend the funeral. This is a very hard decision to have to make. At the moment she is constantly asking after him and wanting to get home to cook for him as she knows he not been well. Has anyone experienced having to do the above, did it have such a negative impact on the pwdm. I'm sure once she is told she won't want to live herself and give up. Being in the CH isn't perfect but the best way to go. Also the financial considerations of owning her own home has an added complication as to do we do a deffered payment scheme or go self funding, as at present we do a top up fee. Does this make a difference.
Why is everything so complicated.

Yours, really feeling tired.

H x
Dear hrh,

I send my sincere condolences to you as I lost dad just over a month ago and I am still tearful some days. At the moment you will have to keep your mum calm and you may have to tell some love lies. My heart goes out to you and hopefully once the funeral is over you'll be able to relax a little. I hope you are getting some help.

MaNaAk
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,742
My thought are with you
What does the CH suggest?
I’d follow their advice as they have experienced these situations before & will be able to advise
X
Much love at this time
 

hrh

Registered User
Sep 16, 2017
76
My thought are with you
What does the CH suggest?
I’d follow their advice as they have experienced these situations before & will be able to advise
X
Much love at this time
They have said they will support us in our choice there is no right or wrong way.

Dad to be looking at her, today she said she is cross with him and they not speaking,
H x
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,743
Kent
I'm sad for you @hrh. You have so much to worry about on top of losing your dad.

I hope the care home will be supportive to you. I know there is no right or wrong way so give yourself a little time to make the best decision.
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,132
Scotland
The second part of your post was about their home which now presumably is owned entirely by the wife. This means that her care home fees will have to be paid entirely rather than just a top up until she reaches the cut off level of around £23,500. So the family is now faced with selling the home and rearranging finances.

Hard to do but better to know what lies ahead.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,742
They have said they will support us in our choice there is no right or wrong way.

Dad to be looking at her, today she said she is cross with him and they not speaking,
H x
How did you it go ?
Did your Dad remember that she’d passed afterwards?
I hope it wasn’t too distressing for you ?
Xx