Dad only has a few days to live......

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by gillybean, Feb 13, 2010.

  1. gillybean

    gillybean Registered User

    Jan 17, 2007
    My dad was daignosed with DLB around 5 years ago now. Three weeks ago he had a bad fall, I called the ambulance to get him checked over as he was unconscious for a while. Things went from bad to worse then a little better and now it's at the stage where he can no longer swallow, he has been coughing a lot and it's due to the inhalation of food over a period of time, now he can't chew or swallow. Therefore we had a meeting with his consultant who has said they can't do anymore for him, a stomach tube would only prolong his death by a few months if we are lucky. He is very confused most of the time, not sure if he even knows me now. They have now removed his drip, and they have said they can just offer pallative care and pain relief to keep him comfortable. He will probably die in 7 - 10 days. I feel numb. I know it will be a masive shock even though I know it will happen soon. I keep crying all the time, I can't help him any more, poor Dad.
  2. Polly H

    Polly H Registered User

    Nov 26, 2009
    Dear Gillybean,

    So sorry to learn about your Dad. All I can do is offer you a big hug.


    I do hope his suffering is kept to a minimum. I know that this will eventually happen to my Dad. I have no idea how you must feel.

    Keep posting though. We are all here for you.


    Polly H
  3. shelley

    shelley Registered User

    Mar 29, 2009
    so sad

    Gillybean,dont know what to say to you only be strong,i cant begin to know how you must be feeling life throws some horrible obsticales at us ,Take care.shelley
  4. gigi

    gigi Registered User

    Nov 16, 2007
    East Midlands
    I'm sorry, gillybean.

    It's very hard to watch someone you love go through this.

    Are you able to visit and just be with dad, to let him know you are there?

    I'm sure he's being well cared for and not in any distress.

    Love xx
  5. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    I`m so sorry gillybean it must be torture for you. I can only send best wishes for you to have the strength to see this very sad period in your life through
  6. gillybean

    gillybean Registered User

    Jan 17, 2007
    Thank you all for your support, it's an awful time
  7. fireflyring

    fireflyring Registered User

    Oct 28, 2009
    Oh Dear Gillybean, I am so sorry to hear about your dad it must be heartbreaking for you sending you love and huggs and some prayers, please also take care of you

  8. shelagh

    shelagh Registered User

    Sep 28, 2009
    Juat swnding you loving support. Be strong
  9. Winnie Kjaer

    Winnie Kjaer Account Closed

    Aug 14, 2009
    Hello Gillybean, I too am so very sorry to hear about your dads condition. This is a very hard time for you but try to spend as much time with him as you can to comfort him, you will be given the strength to get through this awful time. Dad needs your love now more than ever. My thoughts are with you. Look after yourself too.
  10. gillybean

    gillybean Registered User

    Jan 17, 2007
    It's so hard to be there, seeing him lose so much weight and his appearance has's awful to think what he's going through. I have asked they keep him pain free, no one should suffer should they? I want to be there, but I don't if you understand, I am so afraid.
  11. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    I can fully understand your feelings. I'm so very sorry that your poor dad is so ill and feel for you and your family at this very hard time.

  12. Mo_N

    Mo_N Registered User

    Oct 29, 2009
    South East Essex
    Hello Gillybean,
    So very sorry to hear about your Dad. I'm sure we all understand the mixed feelings you are having. It is awful having to watch someone you love go through this. For his sake & yours I hope they manage to keep him as comfortable as possible.My thoughts & prayers are with you. Do you have someone with you to comfort you?

    Mo xx
  13. gillybean

    gillybean Registered User

    Jan 17, 2007
    Yes, my hubbie I just feel for my Mum too, although she said today he looked relaxed and pain free, it's the best we can hope for. I feel a bit detached to be honest and it's something I know I can't prepare for even though I know it will happen. Funny thing is I never thought it would be like this, I just wished he would die in his sleep than have to go though all the painful process of the body shutting down. I remember it took my Nan 4 weeks to die like this. This is one terrible, terrible, cruel disease. My Dad is such a gentle kind man and when I think what awful people walk this earth, why him? why has this happenned to him bless him...
  14. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    Ashford, Kent

    So sorry to hear your news.

    I know exactly what you are going through. I lost my Mum 2 years ago (she didn't have AZ or anything like that), and remember all too well those words 'there is nothing more we can do'. In her case, it was she is going to die today.

    I remember all too well that numbness you are feeling.

    Please, don't be scared. You don't need to be. Just be there for him.

    Beverley x
  15. Roma

    Roma Registered User

    Jan 15, 2008
    I am so sorry to hear about your Dad gillybean.

    My Mam died two weeks today. She stopped eating just after Christmas and stopped drinking about 10 days before she died and like your Dad her appearance changed totally, so I fully understand what you're going through. It is so hard to sit and watch them fade away, knowing there's nothing you can do except hold their hand and tell them how much you love them.

    I do understand how frightened you are. I too wanted to be sure she wasn't in any pain so the GP applied a morphine patch to her arm, just in case, as she was unable to tell us if she was in pain or not.

    It's hard to be strong but your love for him will get you through somehow.

    Thinking of you.

    Love Roma xx
  16. gillybean

    gillybean Registered User

    Jan 17, 2007

    Thanks for your kinds words, sorry to hear about your Mam. We talked about morphine patches, I hope he's not going to suffer, I can only see that he isn't suffering from when I'm there (can't be there all the time) and when others visit too.
  17. milly123

    milly123 Registered User

    Mar 15, 2009
    so sorry to hear about your dad you will be in my thoughts milly
  18. Roma

    Roma Registered User

    Jan 15, 2008
    The trouble is that it's so difficult to predict when the end is nearly there.

    My brother and I stayed with my mother for 24 hours the day before she died as her breathing had changed but she hung on. I think because she had no other underlying illness to help her on her way it was, as you say, just waiting for the body to shut down.

    We weren't with her when she died, she waited two hours after we'd gone, but she was in a nursing home and fortunately she wasn't alone as there was always someone there holding her hand when we weren't there.

    I did feel bad that I wasn't there, but I like to think that she somehow spared me that final pain. So don't feel any regrets if you're not there. You've been with him throughout this awful illness and that's what matters most.

    I'm sure he's aware of the love that is surrounding him at this time.

    Love Roma xx
  19. gill@anchorage5

    gill@anchorage5 Registered User

    Apr 29, 2007
    Thinking of you and your family

    Hello Gillybean

    Just to say that I'm thinking of you at this difficult time. I went through exactly the same with my lovely Dad John just over 3 months ago and I can remember so vividly the torment you are going through at the moment.

    I was told at the time that I was lucky to have that precious time with Dad, and in many ways (no matter how painful it was) I do believe that to be true. When someone is taken suddenly, you may not have the chance to say the things you want to.

    I remember so well that surreal feeling of utter helplessness, and the heartache that I couldn't do anything to stop the inevitable, an awful feeling.

    You are in my thoughts - wishing you strength and courage through this terribly difficult time.


    Gill x
  20. DozyDoris

    DozyDoris Registered User

    Jan 27, 2009
    Thinking of you xx

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