Dad now realises he needs help!!!!

[gillian69]

Hi

I'm not sure wha to do now and am lookin for some advice please.
My Dad has now sort of realised that he needs help and that he can't leave mum.
I have talked to my dad tonight who realises that mum needs something, but not sure what?
I have then talked to my mum, who said that she could not talk to me cause he was listening and watching.
She talked about being left out and not in the know, and dad going to play golf, but she couldn't go cause he likes playing with the men!!! Just his way out.
How can i bes help feel i need to be closer, but am about 200 miles away so i cant just go!
I feel that this is just a get out clause for me, but have 2 children, no not young but 16 & 19 and they need more help as they get older beleive me!!
Has anyone else been in my situation and can advise me of what to do?
My sister is supportive, but ready to give birth any day, and my brother is semi interested!!!
Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks

Gillian

 

[alfjess]

Hi Gillian

Think of this as a positive, they are admitting they need help.

Although you are a distance away, could you liase, by phone, with Social Worker, re Daycare, Alzheimers, Crossroads etc. and try to arrange the help they need.

Sorry, if you have already tried all this and I have missed posts.

Teenagers take a lot of supervising, taxi-ing, keeping tabs, making sure homework assignments are done and just being supportive. A full time job, but well worth it in the end, when they turn out to be responsible adults.

It is difficult caring from a distance, but I'm sure other distance TP carers, will soon reply with better advice than I can give.

Take Care
Alfjess

 

[Grannie G]

Hi Gillian,
I can`t be of much help either, other than to try to point your parents in the right direction.

Is there somewhere you can go for advice locally. Social Services, AS Helpline? Perhaps you could make a few phone calls on behalf of your parents and relay any information back to them.

 

[jeanierec]

Hi Gillian

I`m sorry I can`t give you any advice but just wanted to empathise with your feelings of not knowing what to do .

I`m slowly coming to terms with the fact that there are no rights or wrongs and that we often must just go with our gut instincts ,which is of no practical help whatsoever but I am thinking of you .

It seems to me that you are taking all this guilt on board `cos for whatever reason no one else either can or will.

I`ve heard lots of people on tp refer to the guilt monkey that lives on our shoulders and the advice everyone gives seems to be to lose it ,I`m sure someone will be along soon to offer help.

Love Jeanie x

 

[jenniferpa]

No help here either, but just wanted to say I TOTALLY understand your position re your children. Mine are a bit older than yours (18 & 21) but at the moment, they both need guidance on particular issues that I won't go into here. I am however somewhat guilty (not a lot but a bit) that I couldn't be with my mother on her 90th Birthday. The only reason I don't feel more guilty is 1) we don't on the whole "do" birthdays in our family 2) she doesn't know it is her birthday and 3) if she did know, she'd absolutely understand.


Jennifer

 

[Cate]

Hi Gillian

You cannot help your own home circumstances that's just the way they are, so, you just give that guilt monster a biff on the nose should he appear on your shoulder

Clearly you are already doing so much for your parents just by being able to understand how things are for them, the miles shrink when you can be at the end of the phone.

In practical terms as already mentioned, you can help by co-ordinating outiside agencies to help. You dont mention if they already have a Social Worker or CPN. If they are looking for practical help in terms of carers going in to help, meals on wheels, day centre respite, these are the people to contact.

Keep posting letting us know how you are.

Cate