Dad not yet diagnosed.

[Duggies-girl]

This is my first post.

Dad is 87 years old and has had memory problems for a long while with very slow progress. Probably more than 5 or six years now. It has worsened slowly over the last year and a then a month back we had to stop him driving. Too many minor dents then a bad scrape and then he mislaid the car altogether.

He is very stubborn and insists his memory problems are normal for someone of his age. I am sure he has some form of alzheimers but I don't think he wants to know so I am just going along with that. I managed to get him to the doctors because I said he was not to drive until he had seen a doctor just for a check up and I got the doctor to say no more driving so he has accepted that. Doctor checked his bloods and blood pressure and he seems quiet healthy. He has also referred him to a memory clinic.

He seems to have worsened since the car episode and lost all confidence. Is this sudden progression normal or is it a result of loss of independence. He worries about everything, he has another appointment this week but I dare not tell him. I will spring it on him on the day as just another check up (which it is)

He can't make a simple decision to save his life. I give him two choices when we go out for lunch and he agonises and then says I'll have what you have.

He is such a sweet and gentle man and this breaks my heart. I try to bolster him up a bit but it does not seem to work.

Any advice welcome.

 

[Sam Luvit]

I can't really say much one way or another, but didn't want to read n run

The memory clinic may give an indication, or the GP may arrange a scan. A diagnosis helps in some ways, but it's only a start.

You deserve a massive pat on the back for getting him off the road, it's something many struggle with. My dad (not dementia) fought that one & I was the evil daughter for telling him to stop driving

For the time being, until you know what it is, not giving much notice of an appointment is probably best, less worry all round.

Personally, I give mum lots of hugs, tell her I love her & try to act like it's all normal. I also tell her we will get through it together.

Parenting your parent is hard. It's all wrong, but after a while, it's right in a funny sort of way

Keep posting. It really does help

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Duggies-girl

`I`ll have what you have` really does take me back .

You are doing all you can and managing well in the circumstances.

It`s good you have not given your dad notice re the appointment. It`s best left till the time and covered by referring to it as a general check up.

You are right to go along with the memory problems idea. Your dad doesn`t need to know his diagnosis unless he asks.

It`s difficult to boost moral when so many difficulties have to be faced. Anti depressants may help your dad. See if the doctor agrees.

 

[marionq]

Making decisions and more importantly making good decisions is hard for someone with limited memory and who has lost their reasoning faculties.

This has been the major loss with my 84 year old husband who has Alzheimer's so I don't trouble him with asking for a decision. I just do it for him by eg saying "the chicken/ fish / etc looks good would you like that". If I dont get an answer then I just order what I think he'd like. Nowadays he doesn't care much what he eats.

 

[Duggies-girl]

I can't really say much one way or another, but didn't want to read n run

The memory clinic may give an indication, or the GP may arrange a scan. A diagnosis helps in some ways, but it's only a start.

You deserve a massive pat on the back for getting him off the road, it's something many struggle with. My dad (not dementia) fought that one & I was the evil daughter for telling him to stop driving

For the time being, until you know what it is, not giving much notice of an appointment is probably best, less worry all round.

Personally, I give mum lots of hugs, tell her I love her & try to act like it's all normal. I also tell her we will get through it together.

Parenting your parent is hard. It's all wrong, but after a while, it's right in a funny sort of way

Keep posting. It really does help

Thank you for that, Yes the car was a struggle but he had to stop. He parked it in town and was rescued by a very kind passerby who tried to help him find it and eventually got a phone number out of him to phone us. He was very confused and did not know where he had come from, shops, bank or civic centre. Thank god for the kindness of strangers.

He seems to have accepted it. I have the car now and am using it to ferry him about as he is isolated without it. I took him shopping today and he seemed quiet happy about it and yes I feel like I am the parent now.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Thank you for that, Yes the car was a struggle but he had to stop. He parked it in town and was rescued by a very kind passerby who tried to help him find it and eventually got a phone number out of him to phone us. He was very confused and did not know where he had come from, shops, bank or civic centre. Thank god for the kindness of strangers.

He seems to have accepted it. I have the car now and am using it to ferry him about as he is isolated without it. I took him shopping today and he seemed quiet happy about it and yes I feel like I am the parent now.

I've found strangers to be kinder than friends . Maybe it's because they can see a need, but have no emotional involvement, or maybe they recognise a need & just act on that.

 

[Duggies-girl]

This is my first post.

Dad is 87 years old and has had memory problems for a long while with very slow progress. Probably more than 5 or six years now. It has worsened slowly over the last year and a then a month back we had to stop him driving. Too many minor dents then a bad scrape and then he mislaid the car altogether.

He is very stubborn and insists his memory problems are normal for someone of his age. I am sure he has some form of alzheimers but I don't think he wants to know so I am just going along with that. I managed to get him to the doctors because I said he was not to drive until he had seen a doctor just for a check up and I got the doctor to say no more driving so he has accepted that. Doctor checked his bloods and blood pressure and he seems quiet healthy. He has also referred him to a memory clinic.

He seems to have worsened since the car episode and lost all confidence. Is this sudden progression normal or is it a result of loss of independence. He worries about everything, he has another appointment this week but I dare not tell him. I will spring it on him on the day as just another check up (which it is)

He can't make a simple decision to save his life. I give him two choices when we go out for lunch and he agonises and then says I'll have what you have.

He is such a sweet and gentle man and this breaks my heart. I try to bolster him up a bit but it does not seem to work.

Any advice welcome.

Thank you all for your replies. Very much appreciated and I feel I am doing ok for now. Sure I will be back soon enough though. Will keep smiling.