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Dad not fit to come home

jelba

Registered User
Aug 1, 2012
183
Huddersfield
Got a call from the stroke team at the hospital saying they are very concerned about discharge my dad back home. Dad has told social that I will quit work to look after him but that is not a option they said. Next option would be a care home which is refuses as my dad is very stubborn wants, me to bring all his bank books and letters and all his money to the hospital. I got a lpa but only kicks in when he can no longer make decisions for himself. Don't know what to do but if was to go in care I like it to be where his wife be but its £1450 a week. I know he wants to come home but I can't give him care 24/7 got my mum to look after who got dementia don't know what to do for the best thanks
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
10,667
Merseyside
I’d talk to the staff at the hospital and see what they are recommending.
Please don’t take his bank books in to him.
 

jelba

Registered User
Aug 1, 2012
183
Huddersfield
344.am and having trouble sleeping really struggle to cope with all what happened in the last week. Mum needs me dad needs me so tired these days of doing it all I OK financially but hard to come to terms that there only me now who can help them can't sleep just hope meeting goes well Monday
 

Woohoo

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
708
South East
Don’t have anything wise to say just that I feel for you, it’s a very hard place that you find yourself in. Hope you get the right result for you and your parents. Take care of yourself .
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,532
Yorkshire
hi @jelba
you're really caught between a rock and a hard place
I appreciate that your dad wants to be home, that's one thing .... he, however, is not understanding what that really entails and that asking you to stop your life so his can continue is unreasonable ... what is needed for his care now outweighs what he wants
maybe think what you would say to a friend in a similar situation, that may help settle your mind
try letting him know that you can't go against the decision of the discharge team and you'll help all you can to sort things out in a nice place ... if possible, don't take anything financial into the hospital, don't mention what he said ... if he brings it up, take in some photocopies .... as you are his Attorney, it's time to go through his papers and make sure you know all about his finances so you're ready to support his move (to me his capacity to make this decision sounds questionable)
have a talk with the discharge team, they may be able to suggest a way forward
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,152
344.am and having trouble sleeping really struggle to cope with all what happened in the last week. Mum needs me dad needs me so tired these days of doing it all I OK financially but hard to come to terms that there only me now who can help them can't sleep just hope meeting goes well Monday
This is about what your father needs,not what he wants to happen. As others have said, talk to the discharge team, I think you know deep down, your father needs 24/7 supervision, with a whole team looking after him
 

jelba

Registered User
Aug 1, 2012
183
Huddersfield
If the house is owned by mum and dad can they take the house for care fares I live in the house since I was born and house is fully paid up mum gets care paid by NHS thanks
 

Shedrech

Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
8,532
Yorkshire
hi @jelba
have a look at this page on the main AS site

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/care-home-fees#content-start
especially:

However, your home will not be taken into account if one of the following people also lives in the property, and will continue to live there after you have moved into a care home:

  • a husband, wife or civil partner
  • a close relative over the age of 60
  • a dependent child
  • a relative who is disabled or incapacitated.
 

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