Dad not changing clothes

[rhibeth1]

Every time I visit dad is in the same clothes and they must have been on him the last 2 weeks or more soon as I mention he needs to change his clothes he gets like a stroppy teenager saying he don’t need to change his clothes every day so I’m going there today and my 16 year old son is coming with me my dad and him have a great relationship so perhaps he will persuade his grandad to change his clothes

 

[MartinWL]

This seems to be common. My dad is not quite as bad but he will do things like putting urine-wet trousers on a radiator instead of in the washing machine. Every case is different and sometimes there are opportunities to whisk away clothing and put it in the washing machine before it can be put on!

 

[Bunpoots]

Hi @rhibeth1

My dad was the same and, unless I got there before he got dressed, he wouldn’t shower or change his clothes for weeks. I finished work at 9.30 am so seldom got there early enough to get his dirty clothes in the wash and clean ones ready for him.
Sometimes I could persuade him to wash and change if we were going out somewhere. Dad responded better if I remained upbeat. We had a lot of pub lunches once I worked that out!

It wasn’t until he had carers going in in the morning that he was regularly clean and sweet smelling again.

I hope your son is successful but I wouldn’t push too hard, it’s not worth spoiling the relationship over this.

 

[Lynmax]

My sister was able to “bully” my mum into having a shower and wearing clean clothes but I was never able to do it! Even now, living in a care home, she still sometimes refuses to shower or wear clean clothes but the carers do have more patience than me!

 

[Helly68]

With my Mum, we designated a day "bath day" and I accompanied her and assisted with hair drying etc. Clothes could then be taken away for washing. It is very hard though, and Mummy was another where wet dirty trousers were hung to dry on the radiator.

 

[Nadya19]

My mom doesn't want to change into clean clothes too. But hers is a bit different. She wears her favourite set of clothes and does not want to wear anything else. I realised recently her reluctance to take shower was because she would have to wear new clean set of clothes instead of her favourite dirty ones. So I wash them immediately and dry them so she can wear them back in few hours

 

[lollyc]

ca

My mom doesn't want to change into clean clothes too. But hers is a bit different. She wears her favourite set of clothes and does not want to wear anything else. I realised recently her reluctance to take shower was because she would have to wear new clean set of clothes instead of her favourite dirty ones. So I wash them immediately and dry them so she can wear them back in few hours

Can you buy a duplicate set, or 2? One on, one in the wash, one in the cupboard!

 

[RuralTownie]

I sympathise. I've been staying with my dad for the last week and noticed the same. The irony is that he's got an obsession with the washing machine and will regularly wash just one pair of pants or socks. And then put them in the dryer for 2 hours. But his main clothes have been the same for 5 days now, despite him clearly having accidents and wanting to wash his pants frequently. I wish the same logic extended to his bedding, which definitely needs more regular cleaning.

 

[Emmcee]

I sympathise. I've been staying with my dad for the last week and noticed the same. The irony is that he's got an obsession with the washing machine and will regularly wash just one pair of pants or socks. And then put them in the dryer for 2 hours. But his main clothes have been the same for 5 days now, despite him clearly having accidents and wanting to wash his pants frequently. I wish the same logic extended to his bedding, which definitely needs more regular cleaning.

My Mum also used to put on the washing machine (incorrect setting) for just one pair of knickers or tights when ever she'd had an "accident" but was forever hanging dirty clothes back in the wardrobe every evening which effectively meant that, to her, she was putting clean clothes on every day
I used to quickly change her bed linen when she was getting her lunch and invariably she never even realised.

 

[MartinWL]

I am fortunate that my father does not attempt to do his own laundry, he has never had to do that in his life. So I have established a routine, that on the day I arrive for my weekly visit the daily carers don't need to do food so instead strip the bed change towels pyjamas etc and between us we get through a mountain of weekly washing. I think having a routine helps as my dad would not change the sheets even after an accident otherwise.

 

[Knitandpurl]

I find it even extends to house cleaning- my husband has done the hoovering and dusting for years - I do all the rest. Now, whenever I mention it, it’s either “we’ve only just done it, it doesn’t need doing , or we’re not dirty people “. If he catches me hoovering or dusting he gets in a strop so it’s become another one of those jobs I’m trying to sneak in when he’s in the garden, harder as the colder weather sets in! I have also used “I dropped/spilt/broke the ……”. That works quite well for quick hoovers like kitchen floor, and then I can sometimes get away with- well while I’ve got the hoover out I’ll just …..” . The strange things we have to do!!

 

[Duggies-girl]

My dad had a number of identical shirts, trousers, pants and socks so I used to whip the dirty ones away and replace with clean and he never knew, he thought he changed them himself, he also thought that he washed them himself, he didn't.

Of course that means that you need to be there before he gets up or after he goes to bed. I had a key so I could just turn up early, make him a coffee that he could drink in bed and swap the clothes when he wasn't looking.

I found that as the dementia worsened, it became easier to do these things.

I have read that some carers have resorted to spilling something, preferably cold or slightly warm over there PWD as an excuse to wash the clothes immediately, after all nobody wants to wear a shirt or trousers covered in cold custard or similar. I never tried that one myself.

 

[rhibeth1]

Well between the both of us we got him in the shower and into clean fresh clothes put old clothes in wash was not happy having fresh clothes on but he wore them anyway as he said they were only temporary! Anyway went to airing cupboard to get fresh bedding and towels but they have magically disappeared along with the shelving that was in the airing cupboard searched everywhere and nothing so need to get more bedding and towels and a new shelf in there his friend has no idea either .Reading all your replies it’s nice to know that my dad isn’t the only one that doesn’t like showering i have cameras up obviously not in his bedroom bathroom or toilet which is peace of mind for me and he can talk to me through the cameras as well.Being the only child as well can be hard work on times but I don’t mind

 

[slim-jim]

My wife is the opposite to most as she changes clothes several times a day in fact spends part of the evening changing clothes saying she is getting them ready for tomorrow.unfortunately never puts any of them away and just leaves them in a heap.it is the same with shoes and will have odd shoes shoes on or one slipper and one shoe.

 

[Nadya19]

ca

Can you buy a duplicate set, or 2? One on, one in the wash, one in the cupboard!

Yes I got duplicate almost for everything except her cardigan and scarf. Can't find identical for those

 

[Susan11]

Perhaps he has difficulty remembering where the clean clothes are or making a decision about what to wear. I know it sound unlikely but possible. I used to leave clean clothes out on the spare bed for Dad. I would put them together in the order that he would put them on . He found that much easier.

 

[Felixcat1]

I’m noticing the same with my dad. The shirt he had on when I saw him on Sunday was absolutely filthy! I really don’t think he could see it. If it wasn’t for the fact that it wasn’t creased, the dirt on it looked as if he had worn it 24/7 all week?