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Dad not accepting diagnosis

Cally79

New member
Feb 12, 2021
4
0
My dad has recently been diagnosed with alzhemers, the memory clinic are coming out tomorrow to see my dad for another memory test, ive just told my dad they are coming and he told me "bog off" and "your just laughing at me" he's now not talking to me... how do I deal with this?
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,920
0
Hi Cally79 and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. You'll find this a very friendly and supportive place and you'll get lots of help and advice here.
It's probably a bit late now, but after a couple of similar occasions with my mother I never told her things were happening until a few minutes before they occurred. If I did mum would get very cross with me and refuse to engage with whatever it was. I got very good at what we call 'love lies' round here. That is saying whatever we think will help our Person with Dementia (PWD) accept what is happening. You may find this thread useful Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired. Don't beat yourself up if you can't always manage it, as I found it very difficult. If I did use it, it did help to make things slightly easier.
I'm sure other people will be along shortly with their ideas, but in the meantime have a look around. The search bar at the top is very useful for finding threads on various topics.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,279
0
N Ireland
Hello and welcome from me too @Cally79.

That is a very common reaction to diagnosis. My wife wanted double and triple opinions at first but eventually calmed down and accepted things.

When it comes to agitation and other moods that thread on communication is great.

Something that I have also found helps me deal with the personal hurt that can be felt when these reactions occur is to remind myself that many types of dementia(certainly my wife's) mean that the person doesn't remember things so within a short time all will be on an even keel again.

These little incidents can sometimes make caring seem like a very lonely place but there is always the forum available for a simple chat if that's required.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
17,267
0
67
Toronto, Canada
My mother did not accept her diagnosis and after a couple of tries, we simply fell back on the "well, your memory isn't what it used to be", which she would reluctantly accept.

To be honest, I am always amazed at people who accept their diagnosis. It's simply incredible to me, as my mother was so adamantly opposed.
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,906
0
Same here, dad never had dementia just a bit of a memory problem like all people of his age. He happily accepted his memory tablets though.

As for appointments, I would surprise him with 'they have just fitted you in for a quick check op' or I would sometimes set my phone alarm and answer it with 'Oh yes of course we can be there' I always gave dad a couple of hours to get ready though.
 

Countryboy

Registered User
Mar 17, 2005
1,667
0
South West
Hi Cally79 you didn’t give your dad’s age, however I was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 1999 aged 56
But not at the memory clinic it was with a Consultant Psychiatrist at the Hospital and was referred to a memory a year or so later like your dad I did not agree I had dementia because nothing had change I still drove car and lorry in 2002 the Consultant moved on and his replacement Psychiatrist was a much younger guy at that time because I was Aricept which at time was only prescribed by the Consultant that meant I that monthly visits with the Consultant and I would always argue because I wanted the word Alzheimer’s / Dementia removed from my medical records that didn’t happen but in 2003 I was sent for a PET brain scan this was repeated in 2004 a SPECT brain scan both scans result from scans showed sever damage to the Frontal-temporal-Lobes so I was not told I actually had FTD well couldn’t argue anymore but I still continued to working until my retirement aged 65 I still continued with pretty much everything and even now almost 22 years later I’m still driving a Car and Van ok lost my Lorry drivers licence around 2003 so wasnt doom and gloom for me I just got on with life if you worry about the dignoses well thers not hope

So Cally79 my suggestion unless you noticed dad doing crazy things maybe you should be supporting him let’s face it there are thousands of people walking around with a forgetfulness and if a lot of those were to go to a memory Clinic would be told they have mild dementia. :oops:
 

Cally79

New member
Feb 12, 2021
4
0
Update everyone my dad is 75, I went today for him to have his assessment and he was absolutely fine in fact he seemed to enjoy it... whether that was the attention or just a new face to talk to I don't know. He even thought he did much better then he actually did and told me "see there is nothing wrong with my memory" I kind of left it at that wirh him being in a good mood 😊 thank you for the advice really appreciate it.