Dad needs respite but is too stubborn to accept

[Dayperson]

I know mum needs to go into respite care but my dad refused because he thinks she won't be coming home. How can I persuade him otherwise? Has anyone managed to get respite care for someone who was outwardly refusing to co-operate?

 

[Beate]

Normally it's the person with dementia refusing, and often you can trick them into going, but if the main carer is refusing, even if that's a bad idea, I don't think there is much you can do apart from helping them in other ways with their caring role. I was awarded three weeks a year of respite for my OH but I very rarely used it as I couldn't find a care home I was happy with. That was my decision and as the main carer I think I was entitled to make it, as the consequences were for myself only.

 

[Dayperson]

Thanks for the reply Beate, I'm thinking of not pressuring dad at the moment, although the stress from my visit yesterday has put me off going today. At the end of the day, mum is picking up on him not coping and the less help he accepts now, the less he will be offered in the future and the sooner SS will have to put mum in a home because she will detoriate quicker.

 

[farmgirl]

Thanks for the reply Beate, I'm thinking of not pressuring dad at the moment, although the stress from my visit yesterday has put me off going today. At the end of the day, mum is picking up on him not coping and the less help he accepts now, the less he will be offered in the future and the sooner SS will have to put mum in a home because she will detoriate quicker.

can you support him more give him breaks? maybe thats what he wants atm.

 

[Bunpoots]

I know mum needs to go into respite care but my dad refused because he thinks she won't be coming home. How can I persuade him otherwise? Has anyone managed to get respite care for someone who was outwardly refusing to co-operate?

If your dad is not happy about your mum going into respite would he consider having more help in the home for a week or so to see if that helps, possibly with a view to it being ongoing if its successful?