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Dad needs reassessing before he can return to care home

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by claire43, Dec 16, 2015.

  1. claire43

    claire43 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2013
    153
    South Wales
    Yesterday my dad was admitted to hospital from the care home he has been in for almost 2 years. Due to his aggressive behaviour and refusal to take any meds or eat or drink he was very dehydrated and has a uti. Unfortunately as soon as he woke up he ripped his IV out!

    Today a nurse at the hospital informed us the care home has now refused to take him back until he is reassessed which could take weeks so in the meantime he will be discharged in 2 to 3 days to a hospital which isnt easily accessible by public transport but has a mental health unit. This was a complete bombshell to us so we went straight down to speak to the manager at the care home. He denied saying it but did say there was a bed available on emi nursing ( my dad was on emi residential until he was taken into hospital) but new assessments would have to be done and hopefully he could return to the new unit. However he then said due to my fathers agressive and non compliant behaviour he could very well need 1 to 1 care and it is highly unlikely this funding would be available. Where do we turn to for help? My father pays towards his care-approximately half is paid by the local authority and we also have to pay £75 per week top up fees. There is absolutely nothing left which could enable us to pay for this ourselves. I work for just above minimum wage which barely covers my rent and utilities and my poor mother has a state pension and a small private pension. I feel like Im heading towards a breakdown. I havent eaten a meal for 2 days and just want to hide from the reality of the situation.
     
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    Claire I am really really sorry that you are all in the middle of this distressing situation. I can't answer your questions about funding but somehow it will all be sorted out. It is a few weeks away from that by the sounds of it as your Dad needs to go through the assessment process which may make a really big difference - some people have found that the right medication balance helps enormously so you may find yourselves in a different place in a few weeks time.

    I am bumping this up as others will have much more experience with the money side of things.
    Take care and keep posting, do try and eat, your Mum and Dad really need you to be well. Thinking of you xxx
     
  3. Sterling

    Sterling Registered User

    Jun 20, 2013
    69
    I wanted to say that it might be worth letting the professionals know that you cannot do or give anymore and that help must be sort without reliance on you.
    IMHO you must also look after yourself first. I know that the worrying can be all consuming and overwhelming but you need to do things that are good for you and distract you. I have found that rubbish tv series, going to work, singing at a local church carol service and doing Am/Dram has helped distract me.
    I hope that a solution comes quickly.
     
  4. claire43

    claire43 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2013
    153
    South Wales
    Thank you both for your comments.

    Tbh Im just finding it hard to see the logic. Two years ago when my dad was hospitalised for 3 months due to dementia/medical issues he was assessed as needing emi nursing care and the only place able to accept him was his current home. Shortly after this we had him reassessed and he was deemed as not needing nursing and was moved onto a more suitable unit - emi residential. Although he was constantly demanding to come home and taking his meds was always a battle his general health was good. He washed and dressed himself, self catheterized and basically kept himself to himself as in his words they were all lunatics there :rolleyes:

    More recently his dementia has taken a huge dip in a short period of time and his behaviour has been appalling. He refuses all meds, now has a permanent catheter due to his inability to self catheterize which he continues to empty himself. This can be into the toilet but more often over his clothing or bed. He went through a spell of opening his bowels in the dining room, wastepaper bins and even other residents rooms and was often naked in public areas. We all acknowledged he needed nursing care and were informed that his res unit was about to become emi nursing in January due to the high demand and the staff were hoping he could stay where he was. Obviously we hoped once they could covertly give his meds it would stabilise him a bit.

    Yesterday a dr informed us they were going to treat him on iv antibiotics and fluids but if he hadnt rallied in 48 hrs basically they were going to withdraw treatment and let him pass away with as much dignity as possible. Today because he refuses to take meds orally and has ripped out his IV the nursing staff told the care home they wanted to discharge him back to their care because they cannot treat his medical condition cos of his behaviour. Now we're stuck in no mans land. They wont keep him in a medical bed and the care home wont accept him until new assessments and new funding is arranged. Im literally sat here shaking and feeling sick.
     
  5. tryingmybest

    tryingmybest Registered User

    May 22, 2015
    612
    Female
    What an absolutely dreadful situation you have found yourself in. I have no experience of this sort of thing but just wanted to send you a big hug and hope somebody can help. Xx
     
  6. claire43

    claire43 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2013
    153
    South Wales
    Thank you so much. Unfortunately none of us have experience until we suddenly find ourselves up to our necks in it and by then we're already trying to cope with the emotional toll. I shouted at my dads sw today for which I'll have to apologise tomorrow but if I hear "when the dust settles....." one more time I'm gonna scream.
     
  7. Rageddy Anne

    Rageddy Anne Registered User

    Feb 21, 2013
    5,990
    Cotswolds
    Couldn't just read and run, do so feel for you Claire. Sending a hug.
     
  8. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,428
    Yorkshire
    Hi claire43
    I have no advice or information - I wish I had
    I think it's a wonder that you're not shouting at everyone - maybe, just maybe tomorrow someone will really listen
    Please, though, have something to eat and drink, and have a nap at least - wrap yourself in a blanket of our sympathy and get some rest
     
  9. claire43

    claire43 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2013
    153
    South Wales
    Thank you x
     
  10. claire43

    claire43 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2013
    153
    South Wales
    Thank you. In bed, no sign of sleep but did eat a crunchie.
     
  11. tigerlady

    tigerlady Registered User

    Nov 29, 2015
    427
    This sounds horrific - with his aggression as bad as it is and probably the bad cognition as well, he would probably qualify for NHS CHC funding, which would probably mean that he could go back to his old care home in the new unit where one to one care might be available and paid for. Please read the thread about CHC in this forum and try and arrange an assessment for this asap.
    I am new to this forum and I have learnt so much - not really qualified to give advice as I am still learning - but I think an EMI unit with experienced and patient staff would have far more chance of getting his meds into him, and you should not have the worry of funding it.

    http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?86059-CHC-(Continuing-Healthcare)-support-thread
     
  12. claire43

    claire43 Registered User

    Jul 11, 2013
    153
    South Wales
    Thank you for taking the time to reply. I am going to look into CHC it just all seems very daunting.
     

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