Dad needs carotid angiogram and is asking about mum

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Duggies-girl, Feb 7, 2019.

  1. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,346
    Went to visit dad tonight and it seems that they have done a test and dad has a blocked carotid artery and I have to go in tomorrow to see the doctor as they are planning an angioplasty. Not sure if this is a good idea or not. I know it is a simple procedure and they can insert a stent but I need to talk to them first. Dad was ok when we left.

    Now just had a phone call and dad won't settle until he know that mum knows where he is (she died in 2011) so I spoke to him and told him that she knows and not to worry. He tested me to verify who I am by asking me questions because he thinks he has been kidnapped. He believed me but I am guessing that he will forget in five minutes and need constant reassuring all night so I am keeping myself on standby just in case.

    This is all so sad, he has not mentioned mum for a long time only when talking about their cruises. He keeps thinking that he is on a cruise so that may be the trigger. I could not possibly tell him that she is dead and upset him even more.

    Every time he seems to get a bit better something else happens. It's up, down over and over again and so difficult to help him. I don't know what else I can do. It's all horrible.
     
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    4,489
    Male
    N Ireland
    I hope you get something sorted out for your dad tomorrow and that you get some sleep in the meantime as a clear head may be needed.

    I think you are right to deflect about your mum being deceased.

    Best of luck to you and your dad for tomorrow.
     
  3. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,825
    Female
    Chester
    I do hope your dad settles tonight.

    And another worry you didn't need. I hope when you see the dr he understands the situation.
     
  4. KathrynAnne

    KathrynAnne Registered User

    Jun 6, 2018
    263
    Female
    South Yorkshire
    You’re absolutely right to go along with your Dad’s belief that your Mum is still here. What a rollercoaster you are on! You are doing a brilliant job. Stay strong and try and give yourself a break. Hopefully you will find some time to relax with your husband even if it just a coffee and a slice of cake xx
     
  5. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Oh, I'm so sorry to hear this. Definitely another worry you didn't need.

    I hope you both get some sleep tonight and that you are able to talk to an understanding doctor tomorrow. It's terrible for you to have to keep going through one medical issue after another and making these decisions.

    I agree with reassurance and deflecting about your mum. That must be hard for you to hear.

    Sending ((((((hugs)))))).
     
  6. charlie10

    charlie10 Registered User

    Dec 20, 2018
    262
    I'm so sorry you have yet another issue to cope with.....if I ever have to look after my dad I hope I will do it as lovingly as you do. Best wishes to you both, and hope you manage to get some rest from all these decisions x
     
  7. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,346
    Thank you all for your kind words and support I saw a doctor this afternoon and they have decided to leave it alone which I am glad about. It is not blocked but narrowed which is also good. Dad was fine today and all he has to do is get back on his feet and he can go home.

    He is having another scan this afternoon as he had another fall last night, probably while he was agitated. They don't think he hit his head but they have to check anyway. He will have had three head scans in less than three weeks so perhaps they will keep a proper eye on him now.

    I will go back this evening and hopefully things will improve.
     
  8. KathrynAnne

    KathrynAnne Registered User

    Jun 6, 2018
    263
    Female
    South Yorkshire
    Good news that they are leaving things alone. Hopefully your Dad will continue to improve and you can get him back home soon xx
     
  9. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,056
    Essex
    Dear Duggies-girl,

    I hope your dad is okay this evening but I also hope you get some sleep. I assume that if your dad has had a stroke they will also put him on a clot-busting drug.

    Hugs to you both

    MaNaAk
     
  10. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,346
    Thank you @MaNaAk I will sleep tonight I am going to have some wine, it won't take much.

    Yes @KathrynAnne he is a bit better but in a loop again, round and round we went.
     
  11. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    I'm sorry he had another fall, but glad they aren't doing the angioplasty.

    Hope you're hanging in there. Hospital stays are so stressful.
     
  12. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,346
    Stressful yes. Hopefully he will be on his feet soon and back home.
     
  13. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    I do hope so!! Hospitals aren't good places for anyone with dementia! Or for the family, either. Hope you can get some rest. Sending ((((hugs)))).
     
  14. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Just want to check in and see how things are, @Duggies-girl.
     
  15. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,056
    Essex
    Same here Duggies-girl!

    MaNaAk
     
  16. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,346
    Hi @Amy in the US and @MaNaAk Well brother visited dad this afternoon, yes back from his holiday, and dad was apparently fine. Tonight we just went round and round in a loop. He is much more confused in the evening and worried that he can't remember where he is and why. Just completely confused at it all.

    He looks quite well physically just kind of lost. He was in the toilet when we arrived and when he came out he walked quite well with his frame, he had a nurse with him so that was good.

    I don't think he will be right again unless he gets home and I don't know if that is possible. Dad's alzheimers has never been any trouble really and we get along well together. He has cancer and probably not a lot of time left and I want that time to be good time or as good as it can possibly be.

    One day at a time I think.
     
  17. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,056
    Essex
    Dear Duggies-girl,

    I'm pleased you sound more positive and of course you want to carry on making memories. I'm also pleased that your brother has visited your dad. My dad isn't in hospital and my youngest invisible has been very busy with work and a cold. He lives a mile away and that is why he hasn't seen dad since the 27th Dec.

    I hope you are able to relax today. I've just made some curry to take to dad.

    MaNaAk
     
  18. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,825
    Female
    Chester
    Just wondering how things are going for you and your dad
     
  19. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,056
    Essex
    Dear Duggies-girl,

    I'm also wondering how things are with you and your dad.

    MaNaAk
     
  20. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,346
    Thank you @jugglingmum and @MaNaAk

    We brought dad home this afternoon, he has eaten well and had a good sleep. I don't know if it was the right thing to do or not, he is still weak and rather wobbly. I have moved in with dad and my husband will be here a lot.

    He was over three weeks in hospital and I know he was in danger of falling again. He seems a lot better in himself but his memory is shot to bits, perhaps it will improve,

    Can I cope with it, I don't know, I will see how it goes.

    I badly need to get my haircut.
     

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