Dad mentioning care homes.!

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by TNJJ, Sep 19, 2019.

  1. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    653
    Female
    cornwall
    Hi.It has been a funny few day's with dad.He is very aware of his physical limitations now.He has begun to realise that "this is as good as he is going to get".He has not mentioned his driving anymore .

    He is walking fairly well with his gutter frame and a carer(or me)But I think he is realising that when he is in a wheelchair,he is a dead weight.He is 6ft 1 and now 13stone.I'm only 5ft 4 and weigh slightly less.But it is such a struggle to get him in the chair,get the ramp out and then into the wheelchair taxi.I want to take him out,but I don't have the strength i used to.I'm 55.
    I feel guilty about that because of i don't take him out ,he doesn't go out.Apart from his monthly bath at daycare.

    I have noticed a few physical changes in him that I have not been aware of.
    He is now getting flushing on his cheeks when he is sat down(no temp)
    He is sometimes sweating sat down in his chair or when he is walking with his frame.(not overheating).
    He breathes very quick anyway,but his shortness of his breath seems to be getting worse.(He is not aware)
    I have noticed that sometimes his lips appear blueish.(not always)

    He said to me today" I think you may have to put me in a home".
    I know he doesn't want to go in one,but beginning to think that if he gets really sick he may have too.This very proud man who is my father admitting that he may have to go in one ,was quite upsetting really...Not a good day today.
     
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    5,015
    N Ireland
    Hello @TNJJ. I don't know your dad's history but that shortness of breath, sweating and cyanosis(blueness) of the lips could indicate a blood oxygen supply issue. It may be worth having a GP check just in case there's something wrong there.
     
  3. Banjomansmate

    Banjomansmate Registered User

    Jan 13, 2019
    1,237
    Female
    Dorset
    Maybe you could make the idea of going into residential care sound better by telling him that you wouldn’t be “Putting him in a home” but ensuring that he gets looked after safely and comfortably so that you can visit without worrying about him all the time!
    The right words can make a great deal of difference!
     
  4. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    653
    Female
    cornwall
    Thank you.
     
  5. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    318
    Why don’t you find a home you like and then ask if you could visit a few times?
     
  6. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    653
    Female
    cornwall
    I have looked at a couple already which are nice.
     
  7. Rosserk

    Rosserk Registered User

    Jul 9, 2019
    318
    That’s good. Then I wouldn’t waste any time your father might be stressing about the unknown. Good luck you are doing great x
     
  8. TNJJ

    TNJJ Registered User

    May 7, 2019
    653
    Female
    cornwall
    Thanks
     

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