Dad - memory issues or depression??

[garfield3]

Dear fellow journeymen,

Hope you have all had a half decent Xmas etc with family.

Just a quick question. It’s been 12 weeks since mum died in the nursing home and dad was with her. She was in the home for 4 yrs. Dad visited 3 times a week. He was married to her for 54yrs. I’m home now with hubby till the 5th. Dad is very lonely and I’m his only close family. He is not right. He has his moments and did briefly say he would get counciling if needed . As a family we don’t really talk about our feelings bar on the surface. He has macular degeneration too. While we’ve been here he’s been flakey memory wise. Repeating stuff in a couple of mins. Not too much but enough to notice and wonder what’s up. He’s 88 on Saturday. What I’m wondering is it depression, stress us being here or starting of dementia ? On top of this as always hubby and I fight due to them not getting on. He feels left out and thinks l don’t want him here. I’m in the middle trying to please everyone. Never mind.

Probably just having a worry!!

Thanks for listening. Sue xx

 

[Bunpoots]

I think it’s too early to say. I expect you’re all finding your way without your mum, but especially your dad after 54yrs.

 

[Lawson58]

Such a lot to deal with for your dad - grief as well as the macular degeneration which in itself must be tiring to continue quite stressful.

The risks of having some form of dementia at his age do increase of course but perhaps you could encourage him to get some grief counselling which will maybe ease the situation or at least give you a little more time to work out what is really going on.

 

[garfield3]

I think it’s too early to say. I expect you’re all finding your way without your mum, but especially your dad after 54yrs.

Such a lot to deal with for your dad - grief as well as the macular degeneration which in itself must be tiring to continue quite stressful.

The risks of having some form of dementia at his age do increase of course but perhaps you could encourage him to get some grief counselling which will maybe ease the situation or at least give you a little more time to work out what is really going on.

Thank you both for your replies. I'll try and persuade him to talk to someone. He's old school and doesn't open up especially being a man.

I'll see what happens. xx

 

[DesperateofDevon]

Dear fellow journeymen,

Hope you have all had a half decent Xmas etc with family.

Just a quick question. It’s been 12 weeks since mum died in the nursing home and dad was with her. She was in the home for 4 yrs. Dad visited 3 times a week. He was married to her for 54yrs. I’m home now with hubby till the 5th. Dad is very lonely and I’m his only close family. He is not right. He has his moments and did briefly say he would get counciling if needed . As a family we don’t really talk about our feelings bar on the surface. He has macular degeneration too. While we’ve been here he’s been flakey memory wise. Repeating stuff in a couple of mins. Not too much but enough to notice and wonder what’s up. He’s 88 on Saturday. What I’m wondering is it depression, stress us being here or starting of dementia ? On top of this as always hubby and I fight due to them not getting on. He feels left out and thinks l don’t want him here. I’m in the middle trying to please everyone. Never mind.

Probably just having a worry!!

Thanks for listening. Sue xx

I think you need to go with your instinct on this one lovely. You know your Dad better than anyone else & now the worry of your Mums situation is over I expect you are now seeing your Dads situation in better perspective.
Any emotional stress pushes hidden issues to the forefront. Depression can also be an indicator of dementia issues, my Aged Mother was treated for depression for years - only scans etc truly exposed the real reasons behind behaviour issues & the reality of the type of dementia. I have to say the combination of medication she’s on now helps dramatically & I dread to think what she’d be like without them.

Dad passed away last month & Mums lack of empathy & cognitive processes mean it’s hard for others to sympathise & support her. Only so much can be put down to old age & grief. As I said before go with your gut instinct

sending you love & (((((((hugs)))))))
My OH & I used to have bitter arguments regarding aged mother. Your marriage is your priority & your husband is only trying to protect you, though it doesn’t feel like it at the time.
This dementia journey takes its toll on us all one way & another.
Please try & prioritise you & your husband a little more; sadly nothing we do will change the outcomes ahead of us all & balancing life is impossible at times.
Xxxx