He lost his long battle at 6.12pm tonight, I was in the car on the way to see him.... Today, they said he had days to live... Then they said his breathing was shallow, but he was ok.... Kept ringing the care home , nurse was fantastic ..... She then said he had tempature, so I said " ok will be there " she rang ten mins later and said he had gone , my best friend said we should go and see his body and say goodbye, but I couldnt, I just couldn't .... Should I have done, it's to late now !!!! ... It's scary cos I am ok one min, then I have this overwhelming sadness and I cry ..... We had a very turbulent relationship, in fact we hated each other most of my life .... I did not speak to him for 12 years after my mum died, then was told he was not well and gave up work to look after him for three years.... What I am trying to say is that , I finally got a relationship with my dad and now he died alone ...... God bless everyone on this bloody horrible journey xxxxxx
Dad lost his fight tonight
- Thread starter susanne1964
- Start date
Condolences from me also. I think you should remember Dad as he was in the times that you did actually get along. Viewing a body is not saying goodbye, because they have already gone - say goodbye in your mind to his memory......
I'm so sorry to read your news. Sending my condolences.
There's no reason for you to see your dad's body unless it is something you want to do. As others have already said you don't have to. You need to do what is right for you. I was with my husband when he died but I did go to see him at the funeral director's a few days later. I don't regret it it but on the other hand I didn't feel it was him there. He had already gone.
Thinking of you and wishing you strength.
There's no reason for you to see your dad's body unless it is something you want to do. As others have already said you don't have to. You need to do what is right for you. I was with my husband when he died but I did go to see him at the funeral director's a few days later. I don't regret it it but on the other hand I didn't feel it was him there. He had already gone.
Thinking of you and wishing you strength.
I'm sorry for your loss. Please don't keep beating yourself up that you weren't there. Perhaps it was the last gift that your dad could give you - to spare you the trauma of watching him die, that you have done more than enough, and this was his way of telling you.
Hello @susanne1964
Please don't lose sight of the fact you regained your relationship with your dad and cared for him during his illness. It`s a wonderful act of kindness and one which passed me by. You gave him so much during his final years and he will have known you at your best.
Please don't lose sight of the fact you regained your relationship with your dad and cared for him during his illness. It`s a wonderful act of kindness and one which passed me by. You gave him so much during his final years and he will have known you at your best.
My sincere condolences on your loss I hope you will be able to focus on the fact that you both moved on from the bad times and regained a father daughter relationship.
Just do what you feel comfortable with
Just do what you feel comfortable with
Sorry to hear that Susanne. I missed mum literally by 10 minutes as i'd agreed to go into work on a day I didn't usually. She was still in her room, and I just held her hand and sobbed. Not everyone wants to see their loved one, I did, but you should not feel bad because you didn't. But if he is being buried, you still have time to see him if you change your mind.
Take time to grieve now, do you have family to be with, it's still so raw for you, I hope you got some sleep. The next few weeks will fly by but probably be busy with the funeral etc, I found all that tiring but quite cathartic.
Hugs for you xx
Take time to grieve now, do you have family to be with, it's still so raw for you, I hope you got some sleep. The next few weeks will fly by but probably be busy with the funeral etc, I found all that tiring but quite cathartic.
Hugs for you xx
So sorry to hear your dad has died and your anxiety at not being there or seeing him. This is such a personal decision. Having been constantly with my dad for 2 weeks I missed the moment he passed away but arrived soon after and was able to spend some time alone with him as I made arrangements and I also later visited him in the chapel of rest. I felt fine with both times but he looked very different the 2nd time...not alarming...just different. If you felt you wanted to see him it isn't too late but it is also ok to leave the last memory of seeing him during recent reconciled moments as the memory to cherish.
Whichever you decide is absolutely fine for you and you shouldn't feel anything but that.
Whichever you decide is absolutely fine for you and you shouldn't feel anything but that.
I am so sorry. I don't believe your dad died alone, I don't think we are ever alone. Please try and be kind to yourself. Giving up work to care for your dad was a wonderful, selfless act. That will have meant so much to him. Take care of yourself. Sending you Love, Dear @susanne1964 Jan
So sorry for your loss, 48 years ago when my dad died aged 50 I went to see him but I wish I hadn't he didn't look anything like my dad and it took me a long time to get over it , but now when I think of him I remember him as just my dad, so do what is right for you. Take care.Lx
So sorry @susanne1964 that you have lost your dad. Please don't feel bad that you were not there when your dad died. You were there when he was alive and that is what counts.
You can still see him if you want to, it is not too late and it is entirely up to you if you want to or not. I saw my mum in the funeral home when I really did not want to because she had always told me that she did not want her children to see her after she had died. My dad really wanted me to see her so I went with him twice. She looked beautiful and at peace but I always regret going against her wishes and would have been happier not to have gone.
If you would rather not see him then don't. He is at peace now and you have done your very best for him.
You can still see him if you want to, it is not too late and it is entirely up to you if you want to or not. I saw my mum in the funeral home when I really did not want to because she had always told me that she did not want her children to see her after she had died. My dad really wanted me to see her so I went with him twice. She looked beautiful and at peace but I always regret going against her wishes and would have been happier not to have gone.
If you would rather not see him then don't. He is at peace now and you have done your very best for him.
I am so sorry for your loss. I really hope you find comfort in the fact that you looked after him for so long.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Please hold on to the fact that you had reached a much better relationship with your father in the end compared to your earlier turbulent history. In time that will help bring you closure and peace.
I do understand your sadness at not being there at the very end. I was unable to get to my father's bedside in time too, and it is hard. I did get to see him several hours later, and I know from subsequent experiences that there are further opportunities to see the body prior to burial or cremation.
In my father's case, seeing the body did little for me other than show me that it was just his body. The essence of his spirit was no longer present to the point that, even though only a few hours had passed, I found it hard to recognise that this was indeed my father.
You must do what is right for you. If you feel that seeing the body will bring you closure, it is not too late. Alternatively, if you choose to remember him through happier times and the closer relationship you had reached, that is fine too. It is about meeting your needs now.
Please don't torture yourself with thoughts of him dying alone. He would not have been alone, he was being closely monitored by caring staff, which is why they were able to keep you up to date with developments.
When my husband passed recently I was by his side day and night and can assure you that, even under those circumstances, the nursing staff were regularly popping in to check on him and keep him comfortable, so no - your dad would not have been alone, he would have been cared for until the end and would have passed in peace knowing that things were good between the two of you.
Keeping you in my thoughts at this devastating time in your life and sending you strength for the difficult days ahead.
Please hold on to the fact that you had reached a much better relationship with your father in the end compared to your earlier turbulent history. In time that will help bring you closure and peace.
I do understand your sadness at not being there at the very end. I was unable to get to my father's bedside in time too, and it is hard. I did get to see him several hours later, and I know from subsequent experiences that there are further opportunities to see the body prior to burial or cremation.
In my father's case, seeing the body did little for me other than show me that it was just his body. The essence of his spirit was no longer present to the point that, even though only a few hours had passed, I found it hard to recognise that this was indeed my father.
You must do what is right for you. If you feel that seeing the body will bring you closure, it is not too late. Alternatively, if you choose to remember him through happier times and the closer relationship you had reached, that is fine too. It is about meeting your needs now.
Please don't torture yourself with thoughts of him dying alone. He would not have been alone, he was being closely monitored by caring staff, which is why they were able to keep you up to date with developments.
When my husband passed recently I was by his side day and night and can assure you that, even under those circumstances, the nursing staff were regularly popping in to check on him and keep him comfortable, so no - your dad would not have been alone, he would have been cared for until the end and would have passed in peace knowing that things were good between the two of you.
Keeping you in my thoughts at this devastating time in your life and sending you strength for the difficult days ahead.
My condoleces to you.
I was with my husband when he died. He died peacefully and that’s how I wanted to remember him, asleep in his bed. The rest of the family went to see him but I have no regrets I did not go. It’s sonething very personal to each one of use and there is no right or wrong way, just your way.
Take care.
I was with my husband when he died. He died peacefully and that’s how I wanted to remember him, asleep in his bed. The rest of the family went to see him but I have no regrets I did not go. It’s sonething very personal to each one of use and there is no right or wrong way, just your way.
Take care.
