Dad, late stages not eating or drinking...how long?

Carolann

Registered User
Apr 19, 2006
59
Nottinghamshire
Hi Kate,
After reading your post yesterday I have been thinking of you today. I really feel for you as I went through the same with my Mum last October. Mum refused all food, drink and medication and it was heartbreaking just watching her deteriorate - it was as though she had starved her self to death.

If you are like us, you will be holding Dads hand, stroking his hair and face, and telling him that you love him and that he can let go.......

I am thinking of you and your family now, my heart goes out to you.
Take care
Carolann
 

KateR

Registered User
May 9, 2006
15
Newcastle upon Tyne
Just a quick update, there is still no change in my Dad, he's still hanging on in there.

He's now on his third day without any fluids whatsoever, the few days before this he was taking about 50ml a day) and hasn't eaten at all for about a week. Mum and I are spending as much time as possible with him and are going back again after lunch to spend the afternoon with him. I don't think it will be long now :(
 

KateR

Registered User
May 9, 2006
15
Newcastle upon Tyne
Grannie G said:
Thinking of you. xx
Thank you, I really do appreciate your kind thoughts.

I'm not in much of a position to make any positive contributions to this forum at the moment, but I hope that once this is all over I will be able to come back and offer the same sort of support and advice to others on here going through the same. This truly is a wonderful and supportive place.

K x
 

lovdn2

Registered User
Jul 24, 2007
25
Kate

We are all here for you, you are doing your very best and I'm sure your Dad knows you are there.

Thinking of you.

xx
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
KateR said:
I'm not in much of a position to make any positive contributions to this forum at the moment, but I hope that once this is all over I will be able to come back and offer the same sort of support and advice to others on here going through the same.
Kate, don't worry about that at the moment.

We're all thinking of you at this sad time, and hoping that your mum and dad and you find peace in these last moments.

Love,
 

Nell

Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
1,170
68
Australia
Dear Kate,
I am so sorry. What a very hard time this is for you and your Mum. Please be comforted by knowing your darling Dad is not in pain. May the end come soon and may he slip away peacefully. Just know you are in all our thoughts.
 

Gill W

Registered User
Jan 31, 2007
190
Co. Durham
Kate,

Sitting reading this thread with tears in my eyes, I went through this once about eight years ago with my Grandmother. We all sat with her for about five days, holding her hand and talking to her, just being there. She died when we'd gone for a bite to eat and a 5 minute break.

Dad will know you're there, Kate, the hearing is the last sense to go. He will feel the love you all have for him, he will not be in pain.

I hope that the agony is not prolonged for you. You and your mum will be the best source of comfort to each other at this moment, stay strong and maintain your vigil, you're doing all the right things.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Gill
xx
 

KateR

Registered User
May 9, 2006
15
Newcastle upon Tyne
Hello everyone

Just a quick update, Dad is stillhanging on in there. We received a call yesterday afternoon to say that he was unresponsive and that his breathing was very shallow and that we should come straight in. Spent all day and most of the night with him and the priest came and gave him the last rites (again!). He wasn't expected to last the night but is still the same today, although his breathing is a little slower :( It's been over a weeks since he last ate anything at all and tomorrow will be one week since he last had any fluids.

We're sitting with him most of the time, swabbing his mouth with water etc and just praying it will all be over soon.

Gill, thanks for your message, I'm sorry to hear you went through all this with your grandmother. You're actually not too far from me, we're in Newcastle.

Kate x
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Thank you for the update, Kate. I don't think your dad can last much longer without fluids. You're doing all the right things.

Stay strong, we're all with you.

Love,
 

KateR

Registered User
May 9, 2006
15
Newcastle upon Tyne
Skye said:
Thank you for the update, Kate. I don't think your dad can last much longer without fluids. You're doing all the right things.

Stay strong, we're all with you.

Love,
Thanks Hazel. I'm just so exhausted but almost scared to go to sleep in case we're woken by a phone call...the nurse has said that in her experience most deaths in this situation seem to happen in the middle of the night or very early morning? We were asked today which funeral home they should contact when he goes which really made it all hit home :(
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
70,387
Kent
So sorry Kate. It sounds just a matter of time now. Your dad must be made of good stuff to last so long without food or water.

Love xx
 

Skye

Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
17,000
SW Scotland
Kate, when my mum was at that stage, I'd been sitting with her all day, and felt tired and sweaty. I said to the charge nurse that I was going to go home to have a shower and change. He said, 'How bad would you feel if your mum died when you weren't here?' I got the message and stayed. My mum died at 1 am.

If you ask, they may be able to tell you.

Love and prayers,
 

KateR

Registered User
May 9, 2006
15
Newcastle upon Tyne
Skye said:
Kate, when my mum was at that stage, I'd been sitting with her all day, and felt tired and sweaty. I said to the charge nurse that I was going to go home to have a shower and change. He said, 'How bad would you feel if your mum died when you weren't here?' I got the message and stayed. My mum died at 1 am.

If you ask, they may be able to tell you.

Love and prayers,

Hi, we have asked them but they simply don't know. I couldn't go in tonight because my husband is at work and I ahve no one to look after the children (Mum is completely exhausted too). I've just called and they said there is no change since we left earlier this evening but they will call if there is any change whatsoever before tomorrow morning. fortunately we're only about 15 mins from the home.
 

Nell

Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
1,170
68
Australia
Dear, dear Kate,
By the time you read this it may be too late. I just want to say that despite the wonderful attention you are giving your Dad, he may slip away at a time when no-one is with him. In my experience this often seems to be the case - almost as if the person waits to be alone to go. If that happens to you and your Mum, please don't let it add to your pain. You have been so wonderful in being there for your Dad in his final hours. In his own way I'm sure he knows he is surrounded by your love - and that love is there whether you are physically present or not.

Please know that we are thinking of you at this sad and difficult time and sending you and your Mum our very best wishes for strength, courage and grace at this time.
 

Tina

Registered User
May 19, 2006
420
Thinking of you, Kate, and echoing what Nell just said. your dad is surrounded by love, he knows you're there, and should he decide to go while you've gone out to make a cup of tea or snatch half an hour's sleep, he will do so knowing you and your mum have been there all the time. You can't do any more than you are doing at the moment, but I know it's hard.
I was with my gramps and uncle when they died, but I couldn't be with my aunt when her time came. I knew though, that when my aunt died she was not alone, I'd been there till two days before and she, too, like your dad, was surrounded by love and kind and caring people.

Take care, thinking of you and sending you strength and courage.
Love, Tina xx