Dad keeps losing his keys

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,732
Long lanyard round neck is an excellent idea - especially the wearing all day and putting it on first thing in the morning. That might do the trick :)
 

Mich53

Registered User
Nov 20, 2015
8
If you google "key finder" you will see lots of solutions, many in connection with smartphones but here's an inexpensive one from IWOOT where you just whistle for it:

Here's a slightly more technical one from the AS winter

Personally I would probably go for the cheaper one to see how it works out.
Thanks for this idea, definitely worth a try.
 

Mich53

Registered User
Nov 20, 2015
8
Oh dear, what a nuisance for your mum! I'm afraid the simple fact is that dad will not remember to hang up the key as requested. This is not him being deliberately difficult, it is a symptom of the illness he has. The only way round this is to come up with a system where a) the keys don't get lost and/or b) it doesn't matter if they do.

Of course, your mum is also elderly and probably has fixed ideas (she might even have a degree of cognitive impairment herself, who knows?) so you, Mitch, will probably have to be the one who comes up with a solution that works for both of them.
Definitely think you are right on this one, will have to get my thinking cap on. I have had a few ideas I could try from my new friends on this forum so who knows I might soon have a solution. Thanks very much to everyone for your help.
 

jugglingmum

Registered User
Jan 5, 2014
5,485
Chester
My mum has kept losing her key for her flat in sheltered extra care/assisted living. The carers have now attached it to her handbag as she always takes that with her. She couldn't work out to go down to the desk to ask so would just sit on the floor by her front door until a carer came past.

Is there something he always takes with him? could he have a key on that , on the dog lead? on a coat? and could the one on the hook be on a stretchy thingy /elastic/chain so that it can be seen and used to open the door from the inside?
 

Peirre

Registered User
Aug 26, 2015
160
It goes over the end of the bannister at night and I put it back on her first thing.
My only concern with hanging a key over the bannister, is if it's within sight of the letterbox.
It's not unknown for burglars to fish through the letterbox with poles, laundry poles etc for keys on hall tables, so any key hung within sight of the door, letterbox etc could be a liability to home security.
Hanging the key on the banister at the top of the stairs out of reach might be a better compromise
 
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john51

Registered User
Apr 26, 2014
289
Dunstable, Bedfordshire
Hi Mich

I saw your message on the Alzheimers society newsletter.

I have vascular dementia and like your dad I keep losing amongst other things, my keys. Having them drop out of my pocket at the supermarket was a favourite, until my wife came up with a solution.

I have a small carabiner, like mountain climbers use attached to my belt loop. On it i have a chain long enough to reach from my pocket to the lock, and on the end of that I have my keys. I haven't lost a single one since we did this. My wife says it was about a year ago.

I tried carabiners from a shoe repair shop but they weren't strong enough. I got one from an outdoor shop instead which works fine. The chain came from the DIY part of a high street stores.

I hope this helps.

John
 

roman

Registered User
Aug 8, 2007
16
Liverpool
Lanyard

Hi My Mum used go to daycare but had to let herself into her flat.We used a lanyard fitted around her neck with a key attached - the type that people use for ID cards.I meant that the cord would break if caught in anything.She did lose her handbag regularly but it was a case of finding out where her hiding places were.
 

roman

Registered User
Aug 8, 2007
16
Liverpool
Soft toy key ring

Another tip for ladies who can't find their keys in their handbag is to attach a small soft toy onto the key ring then it's easier to find and harder to lose.For males I guess there are appropriate large key rings.
 

roman

Registered User
Aug 8, 2007
16
Liverpool
Keys

I have tried so many times to tell mum that he isn't doing it on purpose but she gets so stressed with it that she just can't help it but shout at him when he has lost yet another key, it's so frustrating, and I feel so sorry for dad
My mum had no patience with my father but as the disease progressed she became more tolerant.My mum was with my Dad 24/7 so I had a lot of sympathy for her and felt she just needed a listening ear so she could unload.Also providing some respite was important as my Dad wouldn't go out at all so we would sit with him.I Think the sad thing was that my Mum also developed dementia and this was not so apparent when my father was alive.As the doc said she had been struggling for many years to cope with her own problems without having to look after him too.Just looking at it from your Mums perspective really.
I have just started to volunteer at a Dementia Cafe and wondered if going to social events together may help her to cope with him?
 

doodle1

Registered User
May 11, 2012
244
If you go onto www.loc8tor.com this is the most brilliant gadget .it will find things through walls etc. we got one as mum was always losing her purse in the house.can't recommend enough
Hope this helps
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,732
Hi Mich

I saw your message on the Alzheimers society newsletter.

I have vascular dementia and like your dad I keep losing amongst other things, my keys. Having them drop out of my pocket at the supermarket was a favourite, until my wife came up with a solution.

I have a small carabiner, like mountain climbers use attached to my belt loop. On it i have a chain long enough to reach from my pocket to the lock, and on the end of that I have my keys. I haven't lost a single one since we did this. My wife says it was about a year ago.

I tried carabiners from a shoe repair shop but they weren't strong enough. I got one from an outdoor shop instead which works fine. The chain came from the DIY part of a high street stores.

I hope this helps.

John
This is a great idea - not least because it comes from someone who really KNOWS!!! Thanks John I shall be passing this one onwards xx
 

errolflynn

Registered User
Nov 28, 2013
4
... My mum is at her wits end and has looked everywhere but with no luck. She is not the most patient person, and really gives my dad a hard time. ...


I read once that grief starts with denial and anger. helping your dad not lose his keys is good, but if your mum's not fundamentally angry about that but about him changing/disappearing, talking might help her as well? (this is just a guess based on me/my feelings about my mum.)
 

GrannyAnn

Registered User
Nov 28, 2012
13
Plymouth
Keys

Hello I am new to TP and would really like your help on how to help my mum cope. My dad keeps losing his keys. He has now lost 4 for the kitchen door and 3 for the patio door. My mum is at her wits end and has looked everywhere but with no luck. She is not the most patient person, and really gives my dad a hard time. I work as a carer and have had clients with varying stages of this disease so maybe it is a little easier for me to get my head around things. Also I don't have to live with him so again I am sure it is really hard for my mum, she sometimes thinks he is doing things on purpose, when he puts things back in the wrong place or forgets his drink is in the microwave and has been heated up 5 times and still forgotten! Going back to what I said earlier if anyone has any ideas as to what we can do to help dad with his "key losing problem" I would be very grateful.
My daughter says : "In response to the man who keeps losing his keys below. I wonder if he has a walking stick. Mine are tied through their key fobs to the strap on the handle of mine so I always know where they are and don't panic if I don't find them in time. I have never lost one in the couple of years I have been doing this."
 

GrannyAnn

Registered User
Nov 28, 2012
13
Plymouth
Keys

My daughter says: "In response to the man who keeps losing his keys below. I wonder if he has a walking stick. Mine are tied through their key fobs to the strap on the handle of mine so I always know where they are and don't panic if I don't find them in time. I have never lost one in the couple of years I have been doing this."
 

DidsDerby

Registered User
Sep 13, 2013
4
East Midlands
lost keys

Hi

Try this website

alzproducts.co.uk/dementia-alzheimers-lost-item-locators.html

My Mum kept losing keys so I fitted them with these keyfinder fobs (you might try fixing them on with small cable ties as well - Mum used to try and take things off key fobs or off lanyards). She couldn't use the main locator pad but I used to go round locating all the lost keys when I visited. My kids used to love doing it as a game. I found keys in some really weird places!
 

Andy007

Registered User
May 26, 2014
1
Dartford
I had the same problem with my mothers keys & handbag... My Solution.....

Hello I am new to TP and would really like your help on how to help my mum cope. My dad keeps losing his keys. He has now lost 4 for the kitchen door and 3 for the patio door. My mum is at her wits end and has looked everywhere but with no luck. She is not the most patient person, and really gives my dad a hard time. I work as a carer and have had clients with varying stages of this disease so maybe it is a little easier for me to get my head around things. Also I don't have to live with him so again I am sure it is really hard for my mum, she sometimes thinks he is doing things on purpose, when he puts things back in the wrong place or forgets his drink is in the microwave and has been heated up 5 times and still forgotten! Going back to what I said earlier if anyone has any ideas as to what we can do to help dad with his "key losing problem" I would be very grateful.
Hi ya, I had the same problem looking for lost or more often misplaced keys & handbag. I spent hours searching the house per week looking for them until one day bored & on EBay came across my saviour... A NUT Bluetooth tracker. Key ring size only £8 with a six month battery life. It works off of an app that you download on your smart phone (Free). You pair the device & can then locate the item using a map location screen or if you are close by using the beeper built in to the tracker. The app also shows you proximity by way of a green lights scale that increase the closer you get & reduce if you are moving away. You can also have multiple trackers for different items eg keys, wallet, handbag. It has saved me hours of searching & lots of stress associated with the prospect of lost keys....

I hope this will help you to

Andy
 

Pingu

Registered User
Sep 6, 2013
13
She is really in the state of mind that he should be able to remember to hang the key up when he comes back. She gives him such a hard time when he forgets to do it and then it gets lost.
It sounds like your Mum is in denial. She does not appear to understand this disease, or be aware that as bad as it is now (having to deal with things being lost), it is going to get much, much, much worse. What will happen if/when he starts wandering at night and waking her up, will she blame him for that and think he's doing it on purpose? How about when he forgets family members, will she think he's playing some kind of cruel joke? And how about when he becomes incontinent and/or forgets what toilets are for, will she think he could somehow control that if he tried harder?

I think it would be useful if your Mum joins a dementia support group, i.e., a group that has meetings once per month or so where carers share stories about their predicament and help each other. She'll quickly learn that lost keys are a minor problem compared with what the next few years have in store for her.
 

Diz

Registered User
Nov 10, 2011
6
Helping to understand

I have tried so many times to tell mum that he isn't doing it on purpose but she gets so stressed with it that she just can't help it but shout at him when he has lost yet another key, it's so frustrating, and I feel so sorry for dad
This is a BIG one for me.... trying to get mum (80) to understand that dad (79) is not deliberately doing things just to "wind her up"... married for 53 years... dad diagnosed within last 6... life is very different to how mum hoped it would be for their retirement years! She maybe feels cheated of her hopes for happy retirement life together, trips out, shared interests... etc.....Mum questions me as to why SHE has to be the only one to change her way of thinking & dealing with things! and why I always "side with dad" ! I try to explain that I don't believe dad has the capacity to change his ways... maybe she doesn't either.... sometimes I fear she is far worse than Dad... but she doesn't want to be assessed !!!!

I empathise with your frustrations... I go through this time and time again and end up frustrated and stressed ... and wondering if my visit to them actually achieved anything positive! :eek:
 

Tomasina

Registered User
Jan 26, 2012
1
North Herts
Finding the keys!

There's no simple answer! I have labeled each key with a tag and a hook labeled for each key as close as possible to the relevant door/window/whatever. I have 3 of each key, labeled but only one of each key is available. This means that when the key goes missing, there is substitute. That buys me time to search for the lost one. Even in our house there's a limited number of places to look. I now have a list of where I've found them before - it's a growing list! Lost keys do turn up, but by having spares available, I can relax while I think/check/search - it's easier to search when relaxed!!
 

Rageddy Anne

Registered User
Feb 21, 2013
5,984
Cotswolds
Mum just will not do this. She is really in the state of mind that he should be able to remember to hang the key up when he comes back. She gives him such a hard time when he forgets to do it and then it gets lost.
Your poor mum, my heart bleeds for her. I hope you find a solution to help her. My husband is long past the losing keys stage, but it was very frustrating at the time. I used to attach large fobs and even coloured ribbons to the keys, to help find them. But they still disappeared. And he had never lost them, it was always someone else had stolen them. The key into the conservatory is most trouble, so now there are several spares.

He's the one who worries more about lost items. At first it was keys, but now he never goes anywhere without company, so it doesn't matter. Then it was his wallet( I 've removed credit cards and replaced with invalid ones, and top up his cash every day). He loses combs constantly and frets terribly, so we have a drawer full. At least two handkerchiefs are vital to his peace of mind. He loses watches, so I have a supply of similar cheap ones from Amazon.

Indoors he leaves mugs, cutlery and glasses in unlikely places, in fact anything that comes his way ends up somewhere strange, toothbrushes and towels in the fridge, milk in the garage, garments in odd corners, under furniture, out in the garden.

Does your mum use the Internet? She might benefit from joining in the conversations on here. She could vent her frustrations and learn more about what she's facing, and she'd find lots of kindness and support.
 
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