Hi my dad got a diagnosis on Tuesday of vascular dementia. I went to the appointment but when I heard the diagnosis I just went into melt down and didn't really hear much else after. I am so worried about what is coming I haven't slept properly and don't know how or what I need to be doing.. The thought of loosing my dad or him forgetting me kills me inside. I have got so many questions I don't know where to start.
Dad just got vascular dementia diagnosis
- Thread starter Marie A
- Start date
Hello @Marie A. Start by taking a deep breath .
It`s the most upsetting diagnosis and everyone here on Talking Point has faced the same feelings of devastation so you are among friends.
There will be support and advice here on Talking Point and I hope you will eventually feel coming here was the best thing you could have done.
Of course no one can take the pain away but your dad needs you as he has never needed you before.
Hello @Marie A and welcome to Talking Point.
Its always overwhelming when you first get the diagnosis and it feels a steep learning curve. Do remember, though, that nothing will change over night - your dad is still the same person that he was yesterday. Change will come, but you will adapt. Not everyone with dementia will have the same symptoms and your dad may not forget you at all. In her last year mum could not remember my name, and relationships were a bit tricky (sometimes I was her daughter, sometimes I was her mum or her sister, or sometimes her aunt), but she always knew who I was and her face would light up when she saw me.
The best things that you can do is persuade your dad into getting the legal stuff sorted - it will make life so much easier later on if your dad has organised POA (both finances and health & welfare) and if he has made his will. These things need to be done early before they lose capacity
One of the things that I did early on was ask mum about her family history, quizzed her about the name of family members and got her to tell me the old family stories - I wrote them all down. She could still tell about them accurately and now she has passed away my daughter is researching her family tree. I dont know if something like that would appeal to you, but mum enjoyed telling me about them. If I had left it another year or two, she would not have been able to tell me.
Its always overwhelming when you first get the diagnosis and it feels a steep learning curve. Do remember, though, that nothing will change over night - your dad is still the same person that he was yesterday. Change will come, but you will adapt. Not everyone with dementia will have the same symptoms and your dad may not forget you at all. In her last year mum could not remember my name, and relationships were a bit tricky (sometimes I was her daughter, sometimes I was her mum or her sister, or sometimes her aunt), but she always knew who I was and her face would light up when she saw me.
The best things that you can do is persuade your dad into getting the legal stuff sorted - it will make life so much easier later on if your dad has organised POA (both finances and health & welfare) and if he has made his will. These things need to be done early before they lose capacity
One of the things that I did early on was ask mum about her family history, quizzed her about the name of family members and got her to tell me the old family stories - I wrote them all down. She could still tell about them accurately and now she has passed away my daughter is researching her family tree. I dont know if something like that would appeal to you, but mum enjoyed telling me about them. If I had left it another year or two, she would not have been able to tell me.
Thank you for your replies. Im so grateful. I think it's a great idea to start talking to dad and writing things down. As he loves talking about his past. I think maybe doing a family tree together with dad might help him have something we can sit and do together so I can spend quality time with him. Thank you for support much appreciated.. I try to talk to dad about his driving licence and I want him to be the person making decisions at minute as he feels like he's loosing control
Hi, and sorry you’ve got this news. My wife has VD and I lurch day to day with new concerns. If I could offer any advice it would be tty not to take things personally, put yourself in their shoes, patience x 100, and never ever feel guilty about doing the wrong thing. None of us are experts and we don’t do our selves any favours by judging ourselves harshly.
