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Dad - its ok you can go now

JXPW

Registered User
Feb 24, 2012
34
Essex
My dad who I love. Now In hospital on end of life care. In a bed waiting and unresponsive but still breathing.... just about.. I've sat with him for hours watching his every breath. It's exhausting!! Full of infection, pneumonia and (dementia) down the bottom of the list. No one actually dies from dementia do they? It's always something else....

Three years in a care home. From day one he hated it. But was unable to look after himself - left me with no option. Having small children myself I found myself in an impossible situation .... the only daughter.... Who made all the decisions.

Finally we are here. Shipped off to hospital over a week ago in a highly stressful way.
The nurses in hospital are lovely and caring. Doctors and meds available on tap. I was offered to fast track my dad back this care home to rest in peace, but it's the easter weekend.... Staff shortages etc. etc Say no more. I'm happy he stayed where he is.

My dad is so sleepy now, he will slip away. Im will miss him so much.... But for him it's what he wanted....

Xx
 

clareglen

Registered User
Jul 9, 2013
318
Cumbria
Sympathy for you. I'm in same boat with my mum but she's not, as far as I know, on end of life care & pain relief not freely given even though I've asked for her to be pain free. We are now in week 4 in hospital and she has slept 24/7 of every day. Sometimes she will respond if I speak & sometimes not. I could tell by her face today she was in pain so got a nurse to give her a shot of morphine, which settled her. Because she's silent I feel she's getting missed for pain relief. I can tell by her face. Others in the ward are shouting so get dealt with.
 

normski

Registered User
Oct 20, 2013
3
I am going through the same thing as Clareglen and Sunflower with my Father who has vascular dementia..... I wish you all strength. My Dad is on his last journey and has stopped eating is struggling to breathe and his legs show signs of mottling... He is Bed bound and sleeps most of the time and is at home. He is in a hospital bed and appears comfortable..... He is breathing irregularly and I am scared but the biggest problem I have is my Mother has alzheimers and forgets how ill he is. Having to pretend as it is awfully cruel to remind her so we don't anymore. I also wish he could close his eyes as he is suffering a bit.
 

JXPW

Registered User
Feb 24, 2012
34
Essex
Sympathy for you. I'm in same boat with my mum but she's not, as far as I know, on end of life care & pain relief not freely given even though I've asked for her to be pain free. We are now in week 4 in hospital and she has slept 24/7 of every day. Sometimes she will respond if I speak & sometimes not. I could tell by her face today she was in pain so got a nurse to give her a shot of morphine, which settled her. Because she's silent I feel she's getting missed for pain relief. I can tell by her face. Others in the ward are shouting so get dealt with.
Thank you clareglen. It's heart breaking to just sit there, watching - but 4 weeks in hospital, you must be exhausted. I know I am - I've been awake most of the nights myself, just waiting for my phone to ring but it hasn't. So again I go back and sit. No visiting restrictions for me. I try to hold his hand but there is nothing. Just absolutely fast asleep, so the nurses say he is not in pain. That gives me some comfort.. More paracetamol for me though, I have this headache and I'm starting to feel a bit numb myself. I don't know,how you've done 4 weeks. Big hug.
 

Mays Mum

Registered User
Apr 11, 2011
22
When my Mum was dying at home, I used to sit up all night holding her hand and say to her "It's OK, you can go now Mum" - so your post struck a chord. She gave us several false alarms and then quietly slipped away on her 84th birthday. Interestingly, although you say you don't think people actually die from dementia, when it came to getting the Dr's form to register the death, the Dr rang me and asked if I was happy for her to put down Dementia as the cause of death. I said "of course, if that is what she died from" and she said she did, but that some people don't want it recorded on the death certificate.
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,960
Brixham Devon
Sympathy to all of you who are watching your loved one slip away-I hope their journeys are peaceful- a very hard time for you all.

IMO you CAN die of Dementia; in my Husband's case his brain became more and more damaged and his inability to combat infections and swallowing problems lead to his death. The Coroner wrote on his death certificate Aspiration pneumonia and Alzheimer Disease. I wish more Doctors would write Dementia on Death certificates as I don't think the true figures are available. If they were perhaps Governments would give more money to research-and they would realise that Dementia is not just an 'old persons' disease.

Take care of yourselves Everyone.

Lyn T XX
 

WIFE

Registered User
May 23, 2014
856
WEST SUSSEX
How true, Lyn. My husband's Certificate stated Dementia and Recurrent Urinary Tract Infections. The UTI's were caused because the dementia caused his brain to forget the signals which told him to urinate so he needed a permanent in-dwelling catheter so hence the UTI's! Dementia was definitely the cause of his death. I felt at the time mine will state "Died of a broken heart".