Dad isnt aware that we know yet!!!

[gillian69]

Hi
i first came on to this forum 2 weeks ago when my dad had a heart attack.
We went to see my mum's doctor to get something to help her sleep, and he told us the diagnosis!
I had to come home to Cambridgeshire and left my sis and brother to confront him.
This has not happened and feel i need to let my dad know, that i know.
Has anyone any advice?
I want him to get the support and plan for the future, but being the old school he very rarely listens!
I mentioned to him on the phone that he needs to let the DLA & Insurance know the diagnosis, he said why?
At this point i back tracked, they had not told him that they knew the diagnosis.
I need to tell my dad face to face and try and help him in the best way i can.
I am desparate for some good advice??



Thanks
Gillian

 

[Amy]

Hiya Gillian,
You need advice? I don't think so, by the sounds of it you know what needs to be done.
You have to sit down with dad, and let him know that you know what is wrong with mum. He is undoubtedly scared, and probably thinks by not acknowledging it, things won't get any worse. The thing is, dad will dictate the pace - you cannot force him to accept help, until he is ready. I think when I realised that I had to respect dad's right to make decisions (even when I didn't like them) - it became easier. I did try and drip feed him information about dementia, and what help was available - still do.
So my advice, find out as much as you can, what help dad can tap into when he needs it. Be there for him on the end of the telephone, and in person when you can. Try and give him breaks from caring for your mum. Let him know that you care about his welfare as much as your mum's. Be ready to pick up the pieces when necessary. Let him know that you will face the future challenges as a family, and that he is not on his own - though in reality he is going to have to cope with the bulk of the caring.
Love Helen

 

[Helena]

You can write direct to the DVLA giving them all the details of your father and the diagnosis

They will then either revoke his licence or require hiim to go for checks

It took them 3 months to send my Mother a revoked licence letter

however the original questionaire from them to her put the wind up her and she did not drive meanwhile

Once the licence was revoked we informed the Insurance Co who if you send back the Insurance Documents will refund unused portion of insurance and we sold Mothers car ................thank goodness she is no longer driving because it scared hell out of us what she might do if she continued

 

[Kathleen]

Hello Gillian

I can only agree with Helen.

Your Dad needs to know that the diagnosis is known by all of you and therefore you can all help share the load and do all you can to help care for your Mum.

It must be really difficult being far away from them, I have always lived within a mile or so of my parents, but you can find out information on what help there is when and if your Dad wants it.

My Dad refused outside help as he felt he could manage, but it was waiting at the end of a phone if needed. But he adored Mum and after 54 years of marriage felt he was the best person to care for her, it took its toll on his health though.

Kathleen