Sending you hugs at what is a very hard time
@Wildflowerlady ? ?
I felt odd saying those sort of things to my mum too, in case she thought I didn't want her around any more which was far from the truth, just as it is for you with your dad. I had always said to mum I wanted to go before her as I couldn't imagine life without her in it. So I worried she was hanging on for me, so I thought it needed saying so she knew I would be ok and I did explain that I loved her and would miss her but that it was hard seeing her suffering and if it was too hard for her then I understood if she just let go. I told mum she could go be with her mum and said me and my sister would be ok and look after each other. I told her we all loved her lots that she'd been the best mum ever and we always will love her but we didn't want to see her suffer so we'd be ok if she left us.
I'd told her similar things a few times in mums last few days but that sunday when she died I had got up to have a stretch and then was stroking mums hair and head and I told her again how good she had been, how loved etc and that she could go be with her mum and that time I told her it all together and her breathing changed afterwards and I had a feeling she was letting go and would go that day. I wanted her to know that much as I love her and would like to keep her with me forever I didn't want her to struggle anymore. I told her again later while holding her hand not to be scared I would be with her and her mum was waiting for her and I am sure mum squeezed it before her breathing changed again and soon after she died. I also said the same thing after she died too. The staff in mums CH kept saying it was like mum was hanging on for something, but that day I think she finally felt able to let go.
You are doing what you can for your dad and that is hard on you but you can both be proud that you have done it. Take care and if I could send you some strength as well as hugs I would ??