Dad is now going onto End Of Life Care

[jennifer1967]

im glad you had a visit. your sister could be more helpful especially at a time like this. you are a daughter any dad would be proud of and so sensitive and thoughtful in what you are saying. i would think he hears you as they say hearing is the last sense to go. look after you. thinking of you

 

[Wildflowerlady]

im glad you had a visit. your sister could be more helpful especially at a time like this. you are a daughter any dad would be proud of and so sensitive and thoughtful in what you are saying. i would think he hears you as they say hearing is the last sense to go. look after you. thinking of you

Thank you @jennifer1967 I just hope I am saying right things I want dad to let go now and be at peace is heartbreaking watching him take every breath as is a struggle for him.

 

[annielou]

Glad you got another visit today, your sister is an odd one and I think you have amazing patience dealing with her. It’s time to say goodbye to your dad not point score and be obnoxious she really needs to get a grip but from what you have said before I don’t think she’s going to change now. I really feel for you having to deal with her animosity on top of everything else x

 

[jennifer1967]

Thank you @jennifer1967 I just hope I am saying right things I want dad to let go now and be at peace is heartbreaking watching him take every breath as is a struggle for him.

i dont think there is any right or wrong thing to say. you know and love your dad and you are using your instincts and loving nature. thinking of you

 

[MaNaAk]

I'm glad you got to visit your dad as well and I admire the way that you are dealing with your sister. I think your dad new you were and he obviously loves you very much. You are a wonderful daughter and wife and don't forget that.

MaNaAk

 

[Wildflowerlady]

Visited dad this morning he is battling on. Dad was more alert today in that he had his eyes opening and shutting more. I found the photo album that I had put some reprints in and slipped some photos out so that I could hold the photo closer to him. I'm sure dad could see them at least a bit as looked like he was taking the image in. Its so sad that dad attempted to talk a couple of times but I still have no idea what he is saying. Dad looked a bit agitated on one bit of visit but just a few seconds and started to make a louder noise so I just put my hand on his chest and told him it was alright. As the weekend is coming up and last weekend was not allowed in the CH I asked the receptionist if it meant I could not visit over the weekend this week. Receptionist said she wasn't sure because the whole CH had covid tests done yesterday and still awaiting the results but she would ask the manageress she said she would want to see her dad every day in same circumstance with dad being End of Life. We have to walk past the manageress door so she knocked and said can ( me ) visit dad over weekend to which she replied yes of course she can dad is End of Life now. On leaving the CH receptionist has booked me in for visit tomorrow morning and Sunday morning assuming of course dad is still with us will call if sudden change. I have no idea when sister next visiting only that a message she sent last night said she would only see dad for one hour on her visits. An email sent to sister was replied to she said she 'only read first two lines boring bye' so I've no interest in what she does anymore as clear she will visit dad later in day. I have good support from CH and the staff are all lovely and manageress is extremely accommodating.
I am getting increasingly more distressed and really struggling especially laying in bed during the night wondering if the phone will ring, my stomach is in knots knowing dad will pass at anytime and possible they will have no warning so may just get a call. I am wondering how much longer I can cope with seeing dad like this each day but can't even think of not going he's my dad and want to be there for him. Its really upsetting knowing dad hasn't eaten or drank anything for so long and hoping the right decision was made for him and those feelings are increasing with each day that goes by. I hope my dad is not laying there feeling he's being starved and denied fluids to deliberately harm him any further that would be so awful but they all seem to be in agreement that dad is no longer able to eat/drink.

 

[jennifer1967]

Visited dad this morning he is battling on. Dad was more alert today in that he had his eyes opening and shutting more. I found the photo album that I had put some reprints in and slipped some photos out so that I could hold the photo closer to him. I'm sure dad could see them at least a bit as looked like he was taking the image in. Its so sad that dad attempted to talk a couple of times but I still have no idea what he is saying. Dad looked a bit agitated on one bit of visit but just a few seconds and started to make a louder noise so I just put my hand on his chest and told him it was alright. As the weekend is coming up and last weekend was not allowed in the CH I asked the receptionist if it meant I could not visit over the weekend this week. Receptionist said she wasn't sure because the whole CH had covid tests done yesterday and still awaiting the results but she would ask the manageress she said she would want to see her dad every day in same circumstance with dad being End of Life. We have to walk past the manageress door so she knocked and said can ( me ) visit dad over weekend to which she replied yes of course she can dad is End of Life now. On leaving the CH receptionist has booked me in for visit tomorrow morning and Sunday morning assuming of course dad is still with us will call if sudden change. I have no idea when sister next visiting only that a message she sent last night said she would only see dad for one hour on her visits. An email sent to sister was replied to she said she 'only read first two lines boring bye' so I've no interest in what she does anymore as clear she will visit dad later in day. I have good support from CH and the staff are all lovely and manageress is extremely accommodating.
I am getting increasingly more distressed and really struggling especially laying in bed during the night wondering if the phone will ring, my stomach is in knots knowing dad will pass at anytime and possible they will have no warning so may just get a call. I am wondering how much longer I can cope with seeing dad like this each day but can't even think of not going he's my dad and want to be there for him. Its really upsetting knowing dad hasn't eaten or drank anything for so long and hoping the right decision was made for him and those feelings are increasing which each day that goes by. I hope my dad is not laying there feeling he's being starved and denied fluids to deliberately harm him any further that would be so awful but they all seem to be in agreement that dad is no longer able to eat/drink.

it must be so hard for you and wishing you strength to keep supporting your dad. hope he finds peace. thinking of you hugs

 

[MaNaAk]

Same here @Wildflowerlady.

Hugs

MaNaAk

 

[annielou]

Sending you hugs and strength, I remember those feelings and worries and am sorry you going through them too. I don't think my mum was or your dad is probably not thinking of drinking and eating now. My mum got a bit agitated and restless in the last few days which is a sign of end of life, the nurse at CH gave mum something for it by injection along with morphine a few times when she was in pain in the last few days so don't be afraid to ask CH staff about it if you think your dad is in pain or agitated for a long time. I hope you get to be with your dad and I hope it's when you are visiting rather than a rush in from a call, but please don't be upset if you miss it, the CH staff told me that happens a lot and sometimes it's they way they want it and you have done as much as you can for your dad and he knows you love him. .

 

[Jessbow]

Its the hardest thing ever, but you will find the strength to continue as long as you need to .
Thinking of you xx

 

[Sarasa]

Thinking of you @Wildflowerlady. I'm glad the home is letting you see your dad everyday.

 

[Hazara8]

Visited dad this morning he is battling on. Dad was more alert today in that he had his eyes opening and shutting more. I found the photo album that I had put some reprints in and slipped some photos out so that I could hold the photo closer to him. I'm sure dad could see them at least a bit as looked like he was taking the image in. Its so sad that dad attempted to talk a couple of times but I still have no idea what he is saying. Dad looked a bit agitated on one bit of visit but just a few seconds and started to make a louder noise so I just put my hand on his chest and told him it was alright. As the weekend is coming up and last weekend was not allowed in the CH I asked the receptionist if it meant I could not visit over the weekend this week. Receptionist said she wasn't sure because the whole CH had covid tests done yesterday and still awaiting the results but she would ask the manageress she said she would want to see her dad every day in same circumstance with dad being End of Life. We have to walk past the manageress door so she knocked and said can ( me ) visit dad over weekend to which she replied yes of course she can dad is End of Life now. On leaving the CH receptionist has booked me in for visit tomorrow morning and Sunday morning assuming of course dad is still with us will call if sudden change. I have no idea when sister next visiting only that a message she sent last night said she would only see dad for one hour on her visits. An email sent to sister was replied to she said she 'only read first two lines boring bye' so I've no interest in what she does anymore as clear she will visit dad later in day. I have good support from CH and the staff are all lovely and manageress is extremely accommodating.
I am getting increasingly more distressed and really struggling especially laying in bed during the night wondering if the phone will ring, my stomach is in knots knowing dad will pass at anytime and possible they will have no warning so may just get a call. I am wondering how much longer I can cope with seeing dad like this each day but can't even think of not going he's my dad and want to be there for him. Its really upsetting knowing dad hasn't eaten or drank anything for so long and hoping the right decision was made for him and those feelings are increasing with each day that goes by. I hope my dad is not laying there feeling he's being starved and denied fluids to deliberately harm him any further that would be so awful but they all seem to be in agreement that dad is no longer able to eat/drink.

There is a natural process which no longer requires sustenance as we would expect, as things close down. I don't think even today with all the advancement in medicine and palliative care, that it is possible to pinpoint the exact closing of a life. For my late mother, it was four weeks. The key words are: comfort and dignity. Amidst this current extremely challenging pandemic it seems as if the Care Home are providing this along with properly considered attention to yourself. Quite right too, as your unbroken devoted attendance deserves just that respect at least. The night time can distort thinking and in those early hours everything appears more uncertain, with emotions running wild and expectations on a knife edge . If at all possible, take several of those long deep breaths and expel the 'thoughts ' which prevail and try and sleep . Knowing full well that you could not do any more than you have been, or are doing. Such loving concern is recognised so very clearly and with enmity, and shared with compassion.

 

[Wildflowerlady]

Visited dad this morning he was much less responsive today and only opened his eyes a couple of brief moments sleeping the rest of the time. Nurse popped her head round door to ask if I was OK she confirmed dad had not been very responsive. The nurse said the Doctor had seen dad yesterday and had mentioned the vaccine and she wanted to know if I would want dad to have it. I asked the nurse if she was asking for my permission she said yes was asking for permission. I hope I have said right thing as no idea if sister has also been asked but I said I didn't think the vaccination would be of any benefit to dad now and sounds awful but felt would be a wasted dose that someone else could benefit from more than dad given how he is now. I did ask nurse for her opinion but she said she cannot say. The lady that assisted with my covid test in reception before I went up to dads floor had actually mentioned that she had her vaccination yesterday and was moaning a bit about how her arm ached and that she had a headache too, she said that apparently side effects that would only last a day or two. My assumption is that even if dad were to have the vaccination he would not be protected until maybe 2-3 weeks and that its still unclear if someone vaccinated would be unable to pass the virus on plus dad will not be here long enough for the second dose. If dad were not at End Of Life then of course I would want him vaccinating but given I don't think it would even protect the staff looking after him and would possibly just add to any discomfort from potential side effects hope I have done right thing in saying for dad not to be vaccinated. Nurse said on my way out that my sister had called them for update on dad but no plans to see him today and possibly not tomorrow either. I left dad at 1pm because if sister was coming she would have arrived about that time. As dad was resting/sleeping I didn't want to disturb him by chatting too much so I only put my hand over top of blanket where his hands were a little bit and placed my hand gently on his head and told him I loved a few times. I told dad I would see him tomorrow but he probably has no idea as was resting/sleeping.
I was told there is a case of covid on dads floor as someone has been sent to them from hospital and does have covid.

 

[jennifer1967]

i would agree with you for vaccine. it would different if he was up and about and mixing with people. your dad may well of heard you so keep talking. im glad you are able to be with him as it will bring comfort. he seems very strong

 

[Weasell]

I would not have allowed the vaccination to take place.
You are doing everything possible for him. Sending you kind wishes to retain your strength at this time.

 

[MaNaAk]

Dear @Wildflowerlady,

I would have done the same.

Hugs

MaNaAk

 

[Starting on a journey]

You have made the right decision at a very difficult time. I hope you continue to find strength for your visits.

 

[anxious annie]

I would have made the same decision as you, given your dad's circumstances.

 

[Pepp3r]

Thinking of you @Wildflowerlady and your lovely dad and wishing you strength. I don't want to speak out of line but my aunt and uncle were inseparable, and all the time he was in hospital she was by his side. This was before the pandemic and during his last day she had sat with him for hours, around 7ish my aunt told the nurses she was going home, a few minutes after she was home the phone rang to say my uncle had passed away. My aunt believes he was waiting for her to go and maybe trying to protect her one last time.

 

[Wildflowerlady]

Thank you everyone for your replies to latest post its so nice to have the reassurance that others if in the same situation would also make the same decision I was faced with today regarding vaccination.