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Dad is now going onto End Of Life Care

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,343
0
It's Friday @Wildflowerlady and we are on lockdown, those things can wait until next week. Just concentrate on your dad for the weekend and don't worry about what your sister wants, that can wait too.

Hope the visiting goes well for you and your dad.
 

Weasell

Registered User
Oct 21, 2019
1,061
0
HI @Wildflowerlady !
Your stress must be so high!
Sending you kind thoughts!
My good friend at work, who keeps me sane ( semi sane?)
always gives me the following advice,
provide the bullets, don’t fire the gun !
I love my friend!
Could her excellent advice help? As you manage your sister ( as if you don’t have enough troubles ?)
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
2,555
0
Dorset
Apparently when The. Banjoman was close to the end his family (daughter and unwanted ex-wife) were creating a fuss (and please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying that you are doing so) because he wasn’t being given anything to eat or drink. I was told by his s-I-l that the nurse who came in to check on him said to them “Has he asked for anything?” To which the answer was “No, he cannot”. She then told them that if he was incapable of asking for a drink then they were unable to give him one, i.e. his body was physically unable to accept fluids. At that they finally kept quiet.
As bodies shut down they need less and less sustenance and just slowly stop working. Sadly dementia seems to enhance this experience.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
409
0
Apparently when The. Banjoman was close to the end his family (daughter and unwanted ex-wife) were creating a fuss (and please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying that you are doing so) because he wasn’t being given anything to eat or drink. I was told by his s-I-l that the nurse who came in to check on him said to them “Has he asked for anything?” To which the answer was “No, he cannot”. She then told them that if he was incapable of asking for a drink then they were unable to give him one, i.e. his body was physically unable to accept fluids. At that they finally kept quiet.
As bodies shut down they need less and less sustenance and just slowly stop working. Sadly dementia seems to enhance this experience.
Hi @Banjomansmate query was that dad had said about a drink of tea both in hospital and on arrival at CH. I am just thinking if dad asked they should try offering him a little something. I understand dad may be at the stage now he's not going to ask and I wouldn't want any type of force feeding.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
409
0
I've called CH this morning and I've been told that as sister saw dad yesterday and I saw dad day before no visit allowed today or tomorrow but to call them on Monday to arrange next visit. I'm told dad is stable but if his condition deteriorated they will call. I was told other day there have been two cases of Covid with staff lady that called mentioned they have cases of Covid but didn't say if staff or residents. The lady I spoke with was nice she thanked me for being so understanding said it is to protect everyone. I'll have to hope I can see dad on Monday I know CH manager had said originally visits would be based on dads day to day condition but she was going to facilitate visits as much as possible.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
2,288
0
Southampton
I've called CH this morning and I've been told that as sister saw dad yesterday and I saw dad day before no visit allowed today or tomorrow but to call them on Monday to arrange next visit. I'm told dad is stable but if his condition deteriorated they will call. I was told other day there have been two cases of Covid with staff lady that called mentioned they have cases of Covid but didn't say if staff or residents. The lady I spoke with was nice she thanked me for being so understanding said it is to protect everyone. I'll have to hope I can see dad on Monday I know CH manager had said originally visits would be based on dads day to day condition but she was going to facilitate visits as much as possible.
thats a bit of a blow but if they have covid cases, maybe wise especially as you are caring for your husband and wouldnt want to give it to him. maybe its good to have weekend off and some breathing space to lessen the anxiety and find other things to think about. i think you have done really well dealing with all this especially with covid. thinking of you
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
2,506
0
As @jennifer1967 says take the weekend to recharge your batteries. You know your dad is being well cared for, and that if anything changes they'll call you in. Look after you.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
409
0
I called CH last night dad was much the same but reassured again if any urgent change someone would call. I said I really would like to be with dad if possible and end is near. I said I have got clothes already laid out to throw on if middle of the night if I need to make a dash to get there. The nurse actually asked me why my sister and I couldn't' talk especially as dad was at this stage and I felt bad about it as must be making their job a bit harder having to relate things twice and getting double calls. I could only tell the truth that we had never really got on and sister has been very unkind to me and was just not possible to talk much with her at all..
I rang CH this after around 2.30pm nurse said dad was very sleepy/sleeping a lot. Dad has some response to his name but is not asking for anything at all. I asked if dad was comfortable and she said yes dad was very comfortable which I said was reassuring to hear and I thanked her for looking after him. Nurse said to ring the reception tomorrow to ask about a visit to see dad. I don't think the CH has anyone on desk at weekends as always have to select floor number to get through at weekends. It might also be another reason why visits not allowed over weekend as less staff available. Sister said she was told 3 cases of covid so sounds like another staff member has caught it since other day.
Sister to stick the knife in a bit more has sent me a text message telling me dad worshipped her she was 'The apple of his eye' so what does that make me then something on his shoe 😢. My sister was definitely a 'Honeymoon baby' obvious by date of mum and dads marriage and she once said mum had said she was a real surprise/shock but she did feel loved. I do sometimes wonder if this has had some bearing on my sisters acceptance of me as I was born 2.5 years later and have always been under the assumption that I was not such a surprise baby. I'm pretty sure now my sister would have much preferred to be an only child.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
2,288
0
Southampton
I called CH last night dad was much the same but reassured again if any urgent change someone would call. I said I really would like to be with dad if possible and end is near. I said I have got clothes already laid out to throw on if middle of the night if I need to make a dash to get there. The nurse actually asked me why my sister and I couldn't' talk especially as dad was at this stage and I felt bad about it as must be making their job a bit harder having to relate things twice and getting double calls. I could only tell the truth that we had never really got on and sister has been very unkind to me and was just not possible to talk much with her at all..
I rang CH this after around 2.30pm nurse said dad was very sleepy/sleeping a lot. Dad has some response to his name but is not asking for anything at all. I asked if dad was comfortable and she said yes dad was very comfortable which I said was reassuring to hear and I thanked her for looking after him. Nurse said to ring the reception tomorrow to ask about a visit to see dad. I don't think the CH has anyone on desk at weekends as always have to select floor number to get through at weekends. It might also be another reason why visits not allowed over weekend as less staff available. Sister said she was told 3 cases of covid so sounds like another staff member has caught it since other day.
Sister to stick the knife in a bit more has sent me a text message telling me dad worshipped her she was 'The apple of his eye' so what does that make me then something on his shoe 😢. My sister was definitely a 'Honeymoon baby' obvious by date of mum and dads marriage and she once said mum had said she was a real surprise/shock but she did feel loved. I do sometimes wonder if this has had some bearing on my sisters acceptance of me as I was born 2.5 years later and have always been under the assumption that I was not such a surprise baby. I'm pretty sure now my sister would have much preferred to be an only child.
oh wildflowerlady, your sister is nasty, please dont allow her the space to be put you down. im angry for you. your mum and dad wanted you as they went on to have you later. i was a honeymoon baby and i wasnt wanted and was told i was a mistake. my sister was planned and loved. totally opposite to your sister. dont worry about the nurse, some relationships are too broken to be repaired even in this instance. thinking of you at this sad time.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
3,633
0
Essex
My parents decided to get mar as mum found she was expecting but as @jennifer1967 says don't give your sister the space. I'm still holding your hand.

Your parents are proud of you and don't you forget that.

Hugs

MaNaAk
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
2,506
0
Try to ignore your sister if you can @Wildflowerlady She obviously feels the need to belittle you to make herself feel better. The important thing is your dad and I'm glad he is comfortable.
I hope you get to see him tomorrow.
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
409
0
Have called CH and am visiting my dad this afternoon at 2.30pm. I'm very relieved as was beginning to wonder if they would stop visits. Thanks to everyone for your continued support 💗
 

Wildflowerlady

Registered User
Sep 30, 2019
409
0
Dear @Wildflowerlady,

I hope you are okay after visiting your dad.

Hugs

MaNaAk
Thank you @MaNaAk I was just thinking of updating when I saw your post. I did see dad this afternoon as arranged this morning, CH as always did the covid Test. The receptionist said was I not able to visit dad yesterday so I explained that I was told no visits were allowed over the weekend when I called Saturday to make an arrangement to see him. The receptionist raised her eyes obviously thinking was a mistake and asked who told me that. I said I wasn't sure who I had spoken with so receptionist said she would check whilst waiting for results of my covid test. I said I was disappointed as thought the manager had implied different when dad confirmed end of life and so did she. It turned out it was actually the Deputy Manager so the receptionist seemed satisfied as to why I was not allowed to visit and said she was told it was because of covid cases however she did say there were no cases of covid on dads floor. I know at the time I was passed from first person I spoke with as they were thinking no visits but clearly the Deputy Manager must make the decision if Manager not there.
The nurse on dads floor and I had a chat before I went into dad she told me their GP had seen dad this morning and dad was comfortable and medications are there. Nurse also said that dad was not requesting anything but if he had they would try as their GP said they could however from hospital notes view was that dad would have issues with swallowing. Nurse told me that there was a slight change in dads breathing now and explained that different organs being effected. I reiterated that I would like to be with dad at end if possible she said they would try their best but sometimes not always possible as sometimes passing could happen really quickly. I said I understood but can get there quite quickly if they could possibly notify me.
I went into dad nurse had given me apron and gloves and I had my mask on from entering CH, she indicated by her hand I could give dad a little touch but got the impression to be discreet. Dad actually opened his eyes a few times during my visit but not sure how aware he was so I took nurses suggestion of chatting to dad about nice things as she said hearing last thing to go. I was a bit taken back as first time dads eyes opened his eyes rolled upwards but then settled into normal position. Dad mumbled and grimaced a couple of times and think he managed a little smirk but no real conversation. I reminded dad a few times who I was and told him I loved him a few times too I talked about his holidays in his caravan with mum and their dogs, weather, taking him to supermarket where he used to enjoy his lunch anything I could think of. Dad had quite a bruise on his arm probably from the IV last week. Dad raised his hand so I took it and stroked it and then held it hoping I wouldn't get told off if someone came in but felt dad needed to have me hold his hand it was like he was reaching out to me for comfort and I needed it too,. I think dad may have been a little frightened a couple of times my head wondering if he knows his time to leave us is near. Dad rested his hand on the bumper of his bed a bit as well. Dad actually had his own Pajamas on today as had hospital type gowns on before. I found the visit difficult as could tell what nurse meant about dads breathing dad breathed a bit heavy even yawned once but then seemed like his breathing stopped and then then started again. I have read this happens as someone gets near to passing I felt myself wishing he would pass right then whilst I was with him as I don't want him to be alone and frightened. I was allowed to stay for just over a hour and then Nurse said sorry but that was time they were allowing. I said goodbye to dad and I said sister would see him tomorrow ( I am assuming she is planning to go but we have not spoken ). I said to dad we would both keep coming to see him but I'm not sure dad will hang on much longer.
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
3,377
0
South East
Glad you got to see your dad , I’m sure he got great comfort from seeing you and you holding his hand, these small gestures can have such a big impact . Take care , hope you can visit him again soon . 🤗
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
2,288
0
Southampton
wildflowerlady, at least you were able to visit your dad and hold his hand. must be a comfort to both of you. thinking of you and hope you get another visit. hugs jenny
 

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