Dad is now doubly incontinent

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by missmarple, Nov 11, 2015.

  1. missmarple

    missmarple Registered User

    Jan 14, 2013
    204
    Just some background as I don't post regularly.
    Dad has AD, diagnosed in 2012 but I reckon he's had it at least 6 years.
    He lives at home with my brother who has some mental health difficulties but still does a fait bit, and has carers from 8am to 6pm every day. I visit once or twice a month and do all POA stuff.
    Anyway, continence had been getting a bit hit and miss but now I think it's time to face up to the prospect of full on incontinence, grim as it is.
    Measures so far are a waterproof bed sheet, reminding him to go to the loo frequently, which he mostly does by himself (increasingly he is forgetting to pull down his pants and just sits there with his trousers on), and frequent baths.
    I have got him referred to the incontinence nurse, but was informed there's a 12 week wait (that's a very long wait....)
    Is there anything else we could be doing? When will we know it's time to use pads? Dad can get quite aggressive when you dress and undress him, so I'm dreading trying to pull his pants down when he goes to the loo, or putting pads on him. Any advice on how to make a success of it would be much appreciated. I'm visiting this Saturday.
     
  2. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,239
    Cotswolds
    Hope you get some helpful advice soon, missmarple :)

    My mum is doubly incontinent too and I found it extremely difficult to manage at home, because like you, I didn't live with her. We had carers four times a day and I managed to persuade them to be assertive in getting mum to use pads. However, she deeply disliked them and would keep taking them off. At every visit I'd be searching for rolled up soiled pads that she'd put in the kitchen, on the sofa, in a cupboard.....I took a little bag with me every time, so that I always had No Rinse wipes, gloves, an apron and clean pads to hand. Mum was happy for me to help her while I was there, but as soon as I left, the pad was off...

    I never really found a good solution to this problem and I think a lot is going to depend on how much your brother is able to do.

    Wishing you all the best

    Lindy xx
     
  3. missmarple

    missmarple Registered User

    Jan 14, 2013
    204
    Thanks Lindy. It is a tough one. Dementia really deals one nasty blow after another. I can well imagine dad removing his pads. Maybe I need to accept he fact that the house is going to smell of wee and poo for the rest of Dad's stay there now?
    My brother has always said he wants Dad to stay there till the end. I don't think he fully realises how bad it can get. To be fair to him though, I didn't think he'd cope with it for this long. So who knows?
    Any further advice would be welcome.
     
  4. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,740
    Female
    London
    Buy pull-up pants. Remove all his normal underwear. This way he will have no choice. Sounds harsh, but needs must. It is important for people with incontinence to get regularly washed and creamed to prevent skin breakdown. Are the carers able to do that?
     
  5. missmarple

    missmarple Registered User

    Jan 14, 2013
    204
    I think some of his carers are better than others at doing the more difficult stuff but regular baths are a feature and i know they have been using cream too. Not sure if the baths are quite daily though.
     
  6. missmarple

    missmarple Registered User

    Jan 14, 2013
    204
    Went to visit Dad and to my surprise he is accepting the pads. However he was not happy for me to help him to the loo and pull them down, and told me very firmly to shut the door and leave him alone when he went to the loo.
    Still I guess it is something of a success so far.
     
  7. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this - but glad that dad is accepting the pads. It is a good idea to also ensure that his trousers are easy for him to remove, do you think he would accept joggers with a drawstring waist?
     
  8. missmarple

    missmarple Registered User

    Jan 14, 2013
    204
    Thanks Slugsta, he went down the joggers/ drawstring pants route over a year ago (after a lifetime of being a Farah trousers and tweed jacket man). I just hope he is pulling them down. When I was there on Saturday he told me very firmly to stay outside the loo and close the door, and would not let me pull his pants down. I can understand that would be very weird for him, his daughter pulling his pants down, so I just left it. Will have to get feedback from the carers.
    I am also getting rid of the manky carpet in the downstairs loo and replacing with lino.
    Thanks for your advice all.
     

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