Dad is losing so much weight

Mays Mum

Registered User
Apr 11, 2011

I am SO sorry for you; I went through the same with my Mum (vascular) and Dad (brain seizures) - they died peacefully within 6 weeks of each other - for which I am eternally grateful. You will get through this, and the sadness does gradually recede, a tiny bit each day, and the relief is overwhelming that they are no longer suffering - even if you feel guilty for even thinking such things.....

When Dad was in hospital (in what they called 'rehabilitation') he lost so much weight his records said he was in danger of malnutrition, yet served up doorstop sandwiches which no-one bothered to see that he could not eat. I stepped in and fed him every day and we got him to drink Ensure which is a thick drink in various flavours - a bit of a 'heavy duty' Complan. If you Google the name, you'll find their site.

Mum on the other hand virtually gave up eating anything at all in the end, but one of our gorgeous young Polish carers made up a concoction of Complan, with a spot of that squirty cream, whizzed it up in the microwave for a second and this was the only thing she would eat!

I haven't visited this site for a long time, as it was too difficult to read all the problems people were still battling with that I no longer had to - but I hope this helps. God bless you all.


Registered User
Nov 23, 2014
I have just finished reading a book by an eminent surgeon, a brain surgeon as it happens. It has a chapter about death as well as case histories. The gist of it says that either death happens as a trauma, accident, injury or perhaps heart attack or stroke.
In all other cases,including 'incurable' illnesses, and I think this would apply to dementia patients, the process is of the flesh shrinking back to the bones and can be a slow process. Observing Mum in her last days, this certainly became the case. I think appetite decreased as the process speeded up, rather than the reverse. Sorry to sound so blunt, but it helped me to get things in context. In her case, at 91, and after about seven years, sadly it was her 'time'.
Please remember that every end of life story on here deeply moves all who have trodden this path. Sometimes I think the memory of this disease's cruelty will never leave one. Agree especially with your last sentence May'sMum.
Last edited:


Registered User
Feb 7, 2013
Just to update: my dad has seen his GP today and she said that he is 'nearing the end', which is of course devastating. The only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that I know dad wouldn't want to live like this and so maybe for him it is the best and most kindest thing. It's hard not to be selfish and do everything to extend his life because I can't face him dying. But that's what we all must do as a family. He is asleep most of the time now and hardly opens his eyes.

Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point


Registered User
Jul 30, 2014
Sweetie - my heart goes out to you, but hold on to the fact that your dad may just want to slip away now and so is peaceful, and keep all your good memories in your heart.


Registered User
Dec 13, 2013
Ccm2013.... My heart goes out to you.
Back in January 2014 my Mum unfortunately could no longer cope at home with support and she was placed in a care home of her choosing. We watched helplessly as Mums condition deteriorated rapidly (poor communication, aggressive outbursts, increased agotation and confusion,faecal incontinence and rapid weight loss....)
I raised my concerns with the staff there and was told that mum generally didn't want her meals, would spend long periods on her own and was aggressive towards staff. To cut a very long story short, I eventually managed to get her assessed by the Mental health team and social services and moved into an assessment unit. When they weighed her, we were horrified to find that she had lost around 6 stone while in the care home (her stay there lasted around 8 months)
From day one at the assessment unit Mums condition seemed to improve drastically. Her communication was improved, she was no longer agitated or aggressive and her incontinence also improved. She has since been moved into a different care home (with nursing element of care) and although her condition isn't improving she gained some weight which has remained stable.
Unfortunately, following an investigation, it appeared that Mum had basically not been eating because she struggled so much with knife and fork and wasn't assisted with her basic daily living activities.... Just a general lack of basic care I'm afraid :(
I'm not suggesting that this is the same situation for your Dad but hope that assistance with his meals etc is given more priority... And that notice is taken of food he enjoys by the staff there.
I hope you get something sorted for him... It's so difficult to know what to do when communication is difficult.
You're in my thoughts x[/QUOT
Last edited: