• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Dad is delusional and getting anxious.


Registered User
Mar 17, 2015
My dad was diagnosed with mixed Alzheimer's and vascular dementia a year ago. He lives on his own and is in denial and gets increasingly angry if you try to address the subject. At first I noticed that he would mix up events from the past or confuse fictional TV with reality. He had good days and bad days. Unfortunately I feel he has become more delusional over the past few months and is increasingly becoming anxious about events that have not happened. Most recently he believes that the police are outside his accommodation and are checking people for passports and papers when they either enter or leave. He feels that he is locked in and can't leave and feels that he is under surveillance. He appears genuinely scared. I don't know how to react for the best. Do I put him right or do I just go along with it? I tried trying to calm him down over the phone but he gets increasingly angry and just shouts that he knows I would react like that! I'm confused and at a loss of what to do.... Any thoughts?


Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
I would say paranoia is sufficiently debilitating that you need to get the GP involved or if he is visited by a CPN ( community psychiatric nurse) ask about appropriate medication. There are some meds which can calm this type of thinking.


Registered User
Mar 17, 2015
Between me my brother and sister we manage to see him three times a week but we can't commit to anymore. Personally I know if he was in a care home and people were there 24/7 he would actually prefer it and the company, but he is absolutely adamant he wants to keep his independence which I totally understand. He doesn't have a cpn. At the moment he is still under the memory clinic consultant. We are due back for a reassessment next week. I feel awful when we go though as dad always says everything is fine and then the consultant asks me and I feel like a right tell tale. Dad then gets angry with me and thinks I'm plotting against him!


Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
Hi Rachio and welcome to TP.

Firstly it is very wrong if the clinic consultant to ask you questions about your Father whilst he is in the room.

Telephone the clinic and say you are sending a letter recording the changes in behaviour or any problems your Father is having since his last visit as you are not prepared to discuss your Father when he is in the same room. They can then read before you arrive and will then be able to detect what is true and what is imagined when your Father recounts how he thinks things are going.

I kept a daily record of events making sure at the end I also recorded my feelings and the effect the day had had on me.

i hope your next appointment goes well.


Registered User
Mar 17, 2015
Thanks for that. That's very helpful. I will telephone the clinic today. I've been to five or six visits so far and each time I've been put on the spot whilst dad was there and each time have left with dad thinking I'm the enemy! Will put that into action today.
Thank you


Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
I'm putting together a document about the changes in my dad's behaviour before we see the memory clinic.
If I said it in front of him it would upset him too much.


Registered User
Mar 19, 2015
My mum was the same - was very delusional and anxious and getting upset/angry with her family when we spoke regularly on the phone. She also lived alone and was a long way from her family.

Don't just rely on the memory clinic - we found that they have a very limited role, but can help with prescribing the correct medication. I found it was a constant battle trying to get support for poor mum - from the GP, from Mental Health Services and from Social Services!

Over the past 3 months she has had 3 hospital admissions due to her anxiety and panic attacks and we have now taken the decision to move her to an appropriate Care Home near where I live where she will be supported 24/7. My mum has accepted that she needs support and therefore is in agreement, however even if she didn't I think I would have taken the same action.

Dementia is a mental illness and our loved ones who suffer from this debilitating and cruel disease do not have the mental capacity to decide for themselves what is best for them.

I wish you all the best in getting the support you need for your Dad.


Registered User
Sep 23, 2008
I have found it helps to have something written out regarding the concerns you have and to start the document by saying you would welcome a discussion out of your dad's company as otherwise there will be denial or dad will get upset. I then hand this to a member of staff on arrival for the appointment.
I have found this more successful than sending a letter in advance as sometimes that gets filed and not looked at.


Registered User
Mar 1, 2015
My Dad has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers and found out that he was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2006 after a heart attack, but nobody knew about it. He is also suffering from delusions, thinking that someone keeps breaking into his shed, strangers are sleeping upstairs and there are squatters in the hedge in the front garden. He gets so upset about these things and has done some bizarre things to try to stop these people.

He is the main carer of my severely disabled Mum, and is now beginning to neglect her, but Mum does not see how vulnerable they both are and is refusing proper help. She also has had the problem with people wanting to talk about Dad in his presence. The trouble is, because of her disabilty, they visit them at home and there is no way of being discrete and honest without upsetting Dad.

I think that some of the advice here may help. Thank you for the support.