1. CAL28

    CAL28 Registered User

    Aug 25, 2014
    11
    Dorset
    Hi Im new on here, my Mum was diagnosed earlier this year and my Dad is in total denial with it. My mum had been showing signs for a few years but Dad wouldnt let anyone do anything about it. Symptoms are getting worse but he thinks she is getting better. He tries to cover things up and always answers for her and she always looks to him for support and answers. I am now helping as much as I can but finding it difficult with my Dads denial.
    Has anyone else had this problem and how did you deal with it.
     
  2. Mango

    Mango Registered User

    Mar 16, 2014
    44
    New Zealand
    Hi there and welcome :)

    I have a sibling who was/is in denial - she fluctuates somewhat. It does make the job of caring for my Mum much harder. I try to cope by sharing useful links about dementia, compassionate communication etc with all siblings (so that one does not feel targeted) hoping that realization will sink in!

    Just try to do your best for your Mum, and try to keep explaining to your Dad why you are helping or doing what you do.

    Also, keep reading these forums, there is a wealth of information on here. :)
     
  3. CAL28

    CAL28 Registered User

    Aug 25, 2014
    11
    Dorset
    Thanks for reply. My Dad appreciates all my help as he hasnt been at all well himself. Its just that he always makes excuses for her behaviour and memory problems. My Mum is seen at a memory clinic but they dont know the whole picture Im sure.
    Im trying my hardest to support them but finding it very difficult.
     
  4. maggy

    maggy Registered User

    Aug 25, 2014
    1
    Denial

    My husband doesnt accept his diagnosis. He gets very angry if the word dementia is used. I find it very difficult and am unable to join in Carers activities without lying to him, His condition is bad enough without lies but increasingly I am playing a part in a weird life.
     
  5. Mango

    Mango Registered User

    Mar 16, 2014
    44
    New Zealand
    I think of dealing with Mum as my alternate (or alternative - depending where you are from) reality. Things in her world just work differently and you do what you need to do to keep her happy - fibs and all...

    I can almost understand denial on the part of the person affected by dementia, but denial by others - I find that difficult to both comprehend and cope with!
     
  6. sad&lonely

    sad&lonely Registered User

    Aug 22, 2014
    10
    Yorkshire
    Oh Maggy, I so understand and sympathise with all you are going through, I have a friend who is in the same situation and she is run ragged by her husband. By the time my husband was diagnosed, he didn't understand what dementia, or Alzheimers was nor what the consequences could be. There will come a time when you will feel strong enough to 'take control' of the circumstances, in my case, the turning point was having to send his driving licence in to the driving authorities, for his own safety and mine. Also joining Alzheimers Society who provide really wonderful help, outings and afternoon tea dances where we could go and feel like a 'normal' couple' again.Praying you will find that strength soon. Bless you.
     
  7. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,293
    SW London
    Is your dad perhaps reluctant to admit he could do with help, in case social services move in and take over? Some older people in particular are very wary of SS, and think they will start interfering and maybe split them up 'for their own good'. Perhaps he might need reassurance that nowadays SS are often only too anxious to save council money.

    Also, from experience, some older people don't want carers in out of loyalty - they don't want their loved ones' frailties or indignities exposed to strangers, esp. if there is anything like incontinence involved.
     

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