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Dad in respite

Cazb85

Registered User
Jan 2, 2016
24
I have now got dad into respite. I dropped him off yesterday following a few weeks of me nearing the edge, two incidents with police, incontinence and confusion.

He was fine when I was there. I popped out to take a break and by time I got back he was all over the place!! Saying he wanted to go home, telling me he hated me and I had stitched him up by putting him on a bad job (he thinks he is at work) and asking me to leave my car key on the side when I went out of the room. I managed to calm him down saying I needed to go home to feed the cats. I rung later and one of the girls said he had calmed down and wrote her name on his hand so he didn't forget and had also chatted to one of the other residents. She said in his notes it says that he is early stages but she says that it is definitely more advanced than that.

This morning when I called they said he had a restless night and was pacing but eventually settled. They asked if he had a partner which i said no mum died 7 years ago. I spoke to him briefly and he was his usual confused self and said he might be coming home early. He was ok though.

I am praying that he settles. He is there for 3 weeks and I really want him to enjoy it. We shall see. I am going to go tomorrow to see him but I am really nervous.
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
you are so caring. you know you have done the right thing - in order to care well we need to have a break and look after ourselves (the hardest thing to do). It sounds as though your Dad has settled remarkably well for the first day and night :). it is always difficult for all of us to settle in new places and more so if you are confused. He is obviously safe with lovely staff (how lovely to write her name like that for him )
Sleep well and take each day as it comes. Try not to look ahead xxx
 

Bod

Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
1,219
My advise would be not to go today, but to stay away for a few days. Let him settle in his new surroundings, without being reminded of home.
More importantly it gives you a complete break, by all means phone the staff, to see how he is.

Bod
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,806
Ireland
I have now got dad into respite. I dropped him off yesterday following a few weeks of me nearing the edge, two incidents with police, incontinence and confusion.

He was fine when I was there. I popped out to take a break and by time I got back he was all over the place!! Saying he wanted to go home, telling me he hated me and I had stitched him up by putting him on a bad job (he thinks he is at work) and asking me to leave my car key on the side when I went out of the room. I managed to calm him down saying I needed to go home to feed the cats. I rung later and one of the girls said he had calmed down and wrote her name on his hand so he didn't forget and had also chatted to one of the other residents. She said in his notes it says that he is early stages but she says that it is definitely more advanced than that.

This morning when I called they said he had a restless night and was pacing but eventually settled. They asked if he had a partner which i said no mum died 7 years ago. I spoke to him briefly and he was his usual confused self and said he might be coming home early. He was ok though.

I am praying that he settles. He is there for 3 weeks and I really want him to enjoy it. We shall see. I am going to go tomorrow to see him but I am really nervous.
Hi Cazb

It is good to have respite for your dad. You need a break. He is with caring staff and you need to care for yourself now. Maybe this is just me but I wouldn't go to see him every day. Tormenting for you and more confusion for him. Tell staff how you feel and I I sure they will tell you to take a break.
Aisling,
(Ireland)