Dad in hospital again

[Lynne]

I managed to sort Dad out though he was unhappy that I as usual was taking over (getting feisty again!)

He's not going to like this one jot (the idea of placement in a residential home) and will fight me every step of the way

Poor Ajay, every which way it seems you face a confrontation with him, even though you have his best interests at heart.
The consultant's advice is given with wider experience of dementia than yours, and without the emotional 'baggage' which we are all hampered by when it comes to making these decisions for our loved ones.
Yes, logically the 'social care in his own home' seems the better option, IF he will accept carers coming & going as frequently as his needs require. But that seems to me to be a very big IF. He is not in an 'accepting' frame of mind.
Dementia often robs a sufferer of their logic & powers of reasoning, and their ability to understand the overall situation.
His understanding and attitude of denial is not likely to improve and nor is his ability to look after himself.

These facts are not your fault, beware of the Guilt-monster getting to you.
You are trying to do your best in circumstances where even your best will not be an ideal answer.
Do not punish yourself about it; that will only hinder your ability to think clearly.

Best wishes

 

[AJay]

Hi and once again thanks for your replies.

Dad was discharged from hospital yesterday and is in a care home for 2 weeks for assessment. The SW phoned me after visiting him for the first time yesterday morning and told me that he was very confused (really? Well there's a surprise) and was accusing one of the doctors of being a 'dog slaughterer' who murdered his dog and showed him the body dripping with blood, and she should keep an eye on him. When the SW told him he was going to be transferred he said no as he was quite happy staying at home - the hospital - where he knew everybody and had made friends.

I'm so very very proud of him, I had little notice that they were going to transfer him so the poor old soul had to cope with it all on his own. And cope he did, he apparently made one comment when he got to the care home that he wanted to go home, I assume he meant the hospital, then I was told he sat down and wolfed down the hugest meal and pudding and sang songs to the care workers! He was reasonably settled though very tired when we got to him last night. Bless his heart, he still has the ability to shock me with how he suddenly manages to cope with things.

So I took today off work, got him a bag full of things from his house and went over to see him, he was fast asleep in one of the sitting rooms. The carers have found him a little TV for his room so he's happy as larry (even though he has no idea how to work it) and seems to be getting on with everybody round him, especially the ladies! He's still desperately tired though and mentioned today that his legs aren't working properly though I couldn't get any more out of him than that.

At the moment he seems to have accepted that he needs an awful lot more care and attention than we can give him, I think because he still feels so drained, and seems to realise that he's got cheerful and smiling help (unlike stressed out, rushing round and panicked me!!!) to hand 24 hours a day if he wants it just now.

Funny how things work out in totally the opposite way to how they're expected to sometimes. I have no idea what's in the future for him yet but maybe the path will be smoother than I ever thought possible.

AJay xxx

 

[TinaT]

What a relief it must have been to find your dad in a cheerful state of mind. Now he is in the home, I hope things get a little easier for you. I do hope his current frame of mind continues xx TinaT

 

[Loris]

Hi Ajay,
That is great news. I hope that your dad continues to settle in to his new surroundings it will give you peace of mind.
Take Care
Loris