Dad in care home

Tracy Raine

New member
May 25, 2020
2
0
Hi all
Very new for me. We had to put my dad in a nursing home last week it's been horrible week non stop crying
We lost our lovely mum 12 years ago to cancer so just me and my brother
We are now havi g to clean his house out ready to sell but I'm finding this all so hard and sad as this is out family home for over 50 years
I just want to know if what I'm feeling is normal I feel sick everyday and when we sell any thing i cry I just feel like my dad's, all ready gone and with what's going on o can't even go and see him ( daddy's girl)
It's breaking my heart at the moment x
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,799
0
Hi @Tracy Raine . This is an awful time for you. I looked after my mum, who has vascular dementia, for a couple of years after my Dad died of cancer and finally had to move her into a care home, then sell her flat to pay for the care. his is not easy stuff to do. Be proud of yourself that you are facing it head on and coping with it.

I totally understand how you feel. It's really a form of grieving, although the person you are grieving for is still here. It will take you time to adjust. All you can do is be kind to yourself. Other members will, I am sure, be along with lots of good advice for you.

Are you in touch with the nursing home so you can check up on your Dad? How is he doing? Can you send him cards and little gifts or speak to him at all?
 

Tracy Raine

New member
May 25, 2020
2
0
Hi yes care home are Brill
It's just tough as all I want to do his hold hand and I can't
It feels like his all ready gone x
 

Pete1

Registered User
Jul 16, 2019
899
0
Hi @Tracy Raine, welcome to the forum. Sorry to hear about your situation. I think we experience grief throughout the dementia journey, but with Dad going into care and having to deal with the sale of the property and sorting Dad's possessions must feel overwhelming. I think your feelings are totally understandable (I can empathise as I have been there) and probably expected. The added dimension of the current situation of not being able to sit with Dad must make it feel a hundred times worse - I really feel for you.

This may sound like a total cliche but I think at the moment you need to take it one day at a time. Do you have any support around you at this difficult time?
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
25,018
0
South coast
Hello @Tracy Raine and welcome to DTP
This is an emotional time. The fact that they have had to move really brings home how much they have deteriorated and you are grieving for the man your dad used to be and for the loss of his independence. Added to this you are having to clear and sell the family home. I hated having to clear mums home. It felt like I was going behind her back, or that she had already died. I was constantly besieged by memories and having to go and have a little cry. I confess that I couldnt bring myself to get rid of a lot of her stuff and I brought it home in boxes where, 4 years later, it is still piled up in the spare bedroom.

In all of this you are having to deal with the coronavirus too which means that you cant visit your dad and you cant have anyone come and help you with sorting your dads home. Thats tough.

This lockdown wont last forever, though, and once it is lifted you can go and visit and maybe take him out for little trips. I used to take mum out and push her wheelchair along the prom so that she could see the sea, or walk around the park, people watch and feed the ducks. Often we would end up at a cafe for lunch. Sometimes we went to a garden centre. I got to know the staff and other residents in mums care home and they became like an extended family. I have joined in with activities and attended barbecues. I have some happy memories of mum in her care home. You will be able to do the same at some stage too.
 

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