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Dad has multiple houses (he doesn't)

m0j0r1s1n

Registered User
Jun 16, 2022
19
0
Hi, I have a dilemma.

My father is continually asking me about the other houses he goes to that have the exact same decor and furniture as the house he is in now also has (I don't think he believes where he is is home). I've tried all the techniques I can find but he always asks me everyday how to get to it so we can collect his clothes that are in an identical room, and his old tools. He's now worried he will get into trouble with the housing association for having too many houses.
I've reassured him that I understand these houses are there for him but not necessarily me but all will be OK and we will get it all sorted out. Then within the next hour he asks again and I can see the frustration as I cannot answer this question. I feel if I can I would ease a lot of worry in him.
I asked him to draw a map for me and he drew a loop back, basically leaving his house and coming back which confused him more even though he drew it.
This isn't the common "can you take me home".
Has anyone experienced this and managed to find an answer?

Thanks,

Gavin.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
4,231
0
Midlands
just go with it, say you'll go tommorow, you'll tell the housing association

imagine yourself in his world, with thse issues worries, and make a plan together of what you'll do.

Almost zero point in trying to rationalise it with him.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
802
0
My dad has expressed having other houses or units before, but not having identical belongings in them.
If you were to turn up and say, I've fetched your clothes and put them in your wardrobe, can you check they are all there? Might that work or would it come back in an hour?
Ditto old tools, if you have access to them.
My dad is constantly delusional and it seems all I can do is say don't worry dad, I will sort it out.
 

m0j0r1s1n

Registered User
Jun 16, 2022
19
0
just go with it, say you'll go tommorow, you'll tell the housing association

imagine yourself in his world, with thse issues worries, and make a plan together of what you'll do
Hi, thanks for the reply.
That's the thing, I have been going with the flow and falling into his reality as best as I can and thought the next day he would forget when I said I would help the next day. So the next day came and the first words out of his mouth was had I been to the other houses yet and can I take him to them.
When I left the house (he is with my mother who he thinks is his dead sister) to sort my own family out when he rang me asking was I there.
Do I just keep repeating I'll go the next day as I can see the irritation building in him when I divert now. I really can't get him of this topic.

Thanks,

Gavin.
 

m0j0r1s1n

Registered User
Jun 16, 2022
19
0
My dad has expressed having other houses or units before, but not having identical belongings in them.
If you were to turn up and say, I've fetched your clothes and put them in your wardrobe, can you check they are all there? Might that work or would it come back in an hour?
Ditto old tools, if you have access to them.
My dad is constantly delusional and it seems all I can do is say don't worry dad, I will sort it out.
Tried the "I got them in the middle of the night" but a couple off hours later it was back and he was asking again. The next day was worse as he had slept and whatever happened in his sleep he had more than 2 houses also this time. I always tell him not too worry but he is. It's like the million $ question.

Thanks,

Gavin.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,092
0
Kent
Hello @m0j0r1s1n

Might it be possible to ask your dad's doctor for some gentle medication just to ease his anxiety? Perhaps after a months course he will have lost this obsession with his houses.
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
802
0
Tried the "I got them in the middle of the night" but a couple off hours later it was back and he was asking again. The next day was worse as he had slept and whatever happened in his sleep he had more than 2 houses also this time. I always tell him not too worry but he is. It's like the million $ question.

Thanks,

Gavin.
How long has this been going on for? I find dad does go through phases but they go eventually. The carers at his home bear the brunt of it I'm afraid but they just decide on a line and stick to it 'we've spoken to the council, it's all fine and your daughter is bringing all your stuff tomorrow' etc
 

m0j0r1s1n

Registered User
Jun 16, 2022
19
0
Hello @m0j0r1s1n

Might it be possible to ask your dad's doctor for some gentle medication just to ease his anxiety? Perhaps after a months course he will have lost this obsession with his houses.
He was prescribed Duloxetine (for this) and Diazepam (he was originally on) I don't think there is many more meds along with the excelon Patch now that we can use. I'll make another call to the GP and Dementia Navigator today and check though.

Thanks,

Gavin.
 

m0j0r1s1n

Registered User
Jun 16, 2022
19
0
How long has this been going on for? I find dad does go through phases but they go eventually. The carers at his home bear the brunt of it I'm afraid but they just decide on a line and stick to it 'we've spoken to the council, it's all fine and your daughter is bringing all your stuff tomorrow' etc
The whole Lewy Body Dementia came on like a steam train within the last 6 weeks and it's been happening since then, although steadily getting more and more of a frequent question (hourly when it used to be every other day).
6 weeks ago on the 5th of May I was painting his fence with him and he was my Father with no symptoms, then one day boom!! Now the houses are really getting to him even when I say it's fine we'll sort it he replied we need to not just because they are his clothes and tools but that other families need housing also. It's becoming mentally draining thinking of an answer to pacify him regarding the houses, I'll just try the approach of the carers you mentioned only thing is I'm scared he will ring the housing association and it will make him more confused if I mention I contacted them.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
4,231
0
Midlands
Hi, thanks for the reply.
That's the thing, I have been going with the flow and falling into his reality as best as I can and thought the next day he would forget when I said I would help the next day. So the next day came and the first words out of his mouth was had I been to the other houses yet and can I take him to them.
When I left the house (he is with my mother who he thinks is his dead sister) to sort my own family out when he rang me asking was I there.
Do I just keep repeating I'll go the next day as I can see the irritation building in him when I divert now. I really can't get him of this topic.

Thanks,

Gavin.
Yes, just keep repeating it. Tommorow, Saturday...whatever day

We ( as non dementa sufferers) get confused with their reality. We cannot actually resolve their issue as in many cses the issue doesnt exist. He will move onto something else eventually once you have satisified ths one- Can yu sneak an armful of clothes out and bring them back tommorow?
 

update2020

Registered User
Jan 2, 2020
209
0
When my husband used to do something similar I began to wonder if he was remembering/missing the homes he had as a child and wanting to get back to them. Hard to say for sure but your Dad might be mixing up his now house with other houses he’s lived in before?

Still there is nothing you can do about it other than go along with it and/or distract.
 

GillP

Registered User
Aug 11, 2021
1,477
0
Such a quick decline! I am so sorry.

Does he go out at all? I wondered if taking him out maybe by car, telling him you’re going to the other house and then do a small round trip. Similar to the map he drew might help. This worked with my husband when he wanted to go home.

It’s impossible to find solutions.
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,221
0
High Peak
My father is continually asking me about the other houses he goes to that have the exact same decor and furniture as the house he is in now also has
Yes - my mum did this. I'm sure you'll be delighted to know that this symptom even has a name - reduplicative paramnesia.

Mum was in a care home by then but when I visited she'd say she'd spent the morning at 'the other place' which was, apparently, just down the road. It seemed they'd given her a room there and even put some of her clothes in the wardrobe, so sometimes she slept there rather than 'in this place'. Some of the girls (carers!) also worked there as well as working here... what a surprise! I asked for details about this 'other place' and apparently it was much the same but the food was better... :)

She also believed she owned several houses - I wish!

Go along with the delusion if you can or just lie through your teeth and tell him it's all being sorted out, etc...
 

m0j0r1s1n

Registered User
Jun 16, 2022
19
0
Yes - my mum did this. I'm sure you'll be delighted to know that this symptom even has a name - reduplicative paramnesia.

Mum was in a care home by then but when I visited she'd say she'd spent the morning at 'the other place' which was, apparently, just down the road. It seemed they'd given her a room there and even put some of her clothes in the wardrobe, so sometimes she slept there rather than 'in this place'. Some of the girls (carers!) also worked there as well as working here... what a surprise! I asked for details about this 'other place' and apparently it was much the same but the food was better... :)

She also believed she owned several houses - I wish!

Go along with the delusion if you can or just lie through your teeth and tell him it's all being sorted out, etc...
Thanks for pointing out the name. The GP still has not got back however I’ve spent the day with him doing odd jobs around the house to distract him and he keeps asking. I can see the irritation happening when I tell him I understand it’s there for him but not for me.
Today while I nipped home for a quick change he asked my mother to go looking for the house which was just “over there” and he even called at a few houses asking if they had saw his Mum.
He just told me we are getting a suitcase and tomorrow finding it and getting all his good shirts and tools and that’s it. Hopefully this is the start off it changing to something else. I’ll sneak clothes out tonight and bring them myself in the morning as someone already mentioned to see if it can help transition him out off this nightmare.

Thanks 🙏🏼

Gavin.
 

m0j0r1s1n

Registered User
Jun 16, 2022
19
0
I’d just like to thank you all for your replies to this tricky question. I’m armed and ready with new ideas. I’ll keep people updated if anything works.
Thanks and much love.

Gavin.
 

m0j0r1s1n

Registered User
Jun 16, 2022
19
0
Bringing the clothes I quietly removed last night didn't work. It's made things a tad worse he now thinks I 100% know where it is and wants to go now to get the rest of his stuff, not just to one identical house but several. It's going to be a busy day.
 

Marler19

Registered User
May 16, 2021
82
0
You have all my sympathy @m0j0r1s1n and all I can do is say it probably is indeed a phase. My mother also lives in several places (she doesn’t) and is amazed when she gets back to her room at the care home that all her belongings are in this ‘new’ place, or sometimes they look similar but aren’t quite the same and are duplicates. The various ‘places she lives in’ often get ranked by how good the food is or what the staff are like there. She lives in the one care home. I try to gamely go along with all this as reality checks don’t work, but her world is very very delusional and, as you say, it’s a challenge to respond. Recently she has been put on some anti psychotic meds due to other more ‘out there’ behaviours and they do seem to be helping her mood so I wonder whether that might help in your case.
 

m0j0r1s1n

Registered User
Jun 16, 2022
19
0
You have all my sympathy @m0j0r1s1n and all I can do is say it probably is indeed a phase. My mother also lives in several places (she doesn’t) and is amazed when she gets back to her room at the care home that all her belongings are in this ‘new’ place, or sometimes they look similar but aren’t quite the same and are duplicates. The various ‘places she lives in’ often get ranked by how good the food is or what the staff are like there. She lives in the one care home. I try to gamely go along with all this as reality checks don’t work, but her world is very very delusional and, as you say, it’s a challenge to respond. Recently she has been put on some anti psychotic meds due to other more ‘out there’ behaviours and they do seem to be helping her mood so I wonder whether that might help in your case.
Thanks, I can only reciprocate my sympathy to you also as it is so challenging (my sympathy extends to everyone in this situation). I had some progress yesterday with the GP and Mental Health team although they seem to have some in fighting going on regarding who takes blood tests etc, but that's for another thread. They are now going to reassess his medication and possibly up the strength of a patch and pill he has after infection is ruled out as the cause of symptoms worsening.
I also noticed a trigger being that I am a trusted person by my father and when I appear he seems to be calming quicker now and accepting that the "Number 1" house as I call it is safe, however now my mother who he thinks is his sister who has passed away several years ago is his enemy. I've explained this all to my mother and she accepts it's the disease (lewy body dementia and reduplicative paramnesia). She seems to understand and now we have a plan in place to lessen the anxiety and delusion he must be going through.
The plan is literally my mother will take a walk to the garden while I arrive to sit down at eye level and chat calmly (keeping eye contact at all times) about old times until he has relaxed a good bit. It seemed to work yesterday afternoon and night but as we know every day can be different I can only cross my fingers that it keeps working.

Thanks,

Gavin.