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Dad has had his licence rescinded - he's furious!

Mrs Tizzler

New member
Sep 24, 2018
8
0
Hello everyone,

My dad was diagnosed with mild Alzhiemer's last Monday. It came as quite a surprise to him but not the rest of us. His consultant was very concerned about his lack of insight, especially around his deteriorating driving standards and the DVLA have rescinded his licence. This has been a huge blow for a man who has been a keen motorist all his life who enjoys regular jaunts in his sporty Jaguar (he's 88)!

Now he's disputing the diagnosis and talking of getting his solicitors involved (pointlessly of course), adamant he has no driving issues (he has). He's always been a very pragmatic, unemotional and strong willed man and gentle but fact-facing reasoning is falling on deaf ears.

Has anyone else been through this? I'm hoping he will accept things in time. Many thanks all.
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
6,328
0
N Ireland
Hello @Mrs Tizzler, you are welcome here.

This is a common issue as I suppose it represents a loss of an element of independence. Reasoning is unlikely to work with someone who has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and some people have resorted to just selling cars and letting the bad memory deal with the issue. When the issue arises diversion sometimes works.

With my wife I tell her that I have no doubt she can drive a car(I doubt it) but that her ability to react quickly in an emergency would be in doubt so she can’t drive in case she injures someone. This works but has to be repeated.

Of course, I think the DVLA allow a test for people with a diagnosis so maybe you could try that.

You also have to tell the insurers and maybe they would cancel cover and so they could be ‘blamed’
 

stanleypj

Registered User
Dec 8, 2011
10,712
0
North West
It is of course important that someone whose health might make it impossible for them to drive safely should have their licence withdrawn.
But it must be SO frustrating for someone to lose their licence in this way.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,914
0
It would help if we had good public transport. When my husband had to give up in his 80s I added on some good reasons, saving money, no parking, upkeep. Now without a bus. This would not be possible. The consultant's advice lent weight too. Just before he was posed to do his advanced driving test. He taught himself to drive by moving vehicles during his National Service, one lesson and he passed. He was proud of a clean license. It is heartbreaking. I did try to explain that it was not that he was unable but the illness meant we would not cope if involved in an accident. It was a slow progress but I stayed on his side in the process.
The loss of a bus is frustrating, it would wipe out my reasoning if it was now. The loss of independence is difficult.
 

Georgina63

Registered User
Aug 11, 2014
973
0
Hi @Mrs Tizzler,
Yes, a very similar situation with my Dad a few years back. At the time he was devastated, and couldn’t understand why it was recommended he didn’t drive, although we were quite relieved. He also swore black was white that he had answered certain questions correctly. Because his results from the tests at the memory clinic were so borderline, he was offered the opportunity to do a practical driving test, but when it got close to it he decided not to and in time surprised us all by getting used to using the local bus service into town. It was a difficult time though and I felt bad for having been complicit in the series of events that led to the visit to the memory clinic and the loss of driving. However it was the best decision! Hope it all works out for you all. Gx
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
3,286
0
Hello everyone,

My dad was diagnosed with mild Alzhiemer's last Monday. It came as quite a surprise to him but not the rest of us. His consultant was very concerned about his lack of insight, especially around his deteriorating driving standards and the DVLA have rescinded his licence. This has been a huge blow for a man who has been a keen motorist all his life who enjoys regular jaunts in his sporty Jaguar (he's 88)!

Now he's disputing the diagnosis and talking of getting his solicitors involved (pointlessly of course), adamant he has no driving issues (he has). He's always been a very pragmatic, unemotional and strong willed man and gentle but fact-facing reasoning is falling on deaf ears.

Has anyone else been through this? I'm hoping he will accept things in time. Many thanks all.

Oh @Mrs Tizzler this was my dad just over a year ago. I actually got dads GP to tell him he had to give up driving after an almost crisis. Dad was getting downright dangerous. Bumps and scrapes all over the car, driving on a space saver wheel because he had written off a tyre and finally forgetting where he had parked it while shopping. I was so relieved that he was stopped.

Fast forward a couple of weeks and none of that actually happened, it seems that he decided himself that it was time to stop driving and now a year later he often says that there is no reason why he can't still drive and I just remind him that his licence has expired and if he wants to drive he will have to take a test because of his age. He doesn't want to do that.

I have dads car now and drive him everywhere.

I think you will just have to bear it until he accepts it. He will eventually and he is likely to claim that it was all his own idea in the end.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,051
0
Kent
My mother told me she knew I had reported her to the DVLA and if she`d had a gun she would kill me.

She was a member of IAM - Institute of Advanced Motorists and loved driving.

She was making mistakes, putting diesel in the car instead of petrol, thus needing to have the engine of her car stripped. She would forget where she'd parked and once was reported to the police by a taxi driver who was driving her around the city centre looking for her car.

My husband `s spatial awareness was compromised and we had to have a few wing mirrors replaced. He once drove straight over a flat `roundabout` [ I'm not sure if they have a special name]

There are enough road traffic accidents without deliberately putting others at risk.

After giving our car to our daughter in law, my husband wanted to buy another car. I trailed round showrooms with him looking at cars but by then his concept of money was compromised and he was horrified at the prices.

Unlike you, @AliceA, we are blessed with excellent public transport. I don't know how I`d manage without it because I have never driven.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,914
0
My mother told me she knew I had reported her to the DVLA and if she`d had a gun she would kill me.

She was a member of IAM - Institute of Advanced Motorists and loved driving.

She was making mistakes, putting diesel in the car instead of petrol, thus needing to have the engine of her car stripped. She would forget where she'd parked and once was reported to the police by a taxi driver who was driving her around the city centre looking for her car.

My husband `s spatial awareness was compromised and we had to have a few wing mirrors replaced. He once drove straight over a flat `roundabout` [ I'm not sure if they have a special name]

There are enough road traffic accidents without deliberately putting others at risk.

After giving our car to our daughter in law, my husband wanted to buy another car. I trailed round showrooms with him looking at cars but by then his concept of money was compromised and he was horrified at the prices.

Unlike you, @AliceA, we are blessed with excellent public transport. I don't know how I`d manage without it because I have never driven.
My mother told me she knew I had reported her to the DVLA and if she`d had a gun she would kill me.

She was a member of IAM - Institute of Advanced Motorists and loved driving.

She was making mistakes, putting diesel in the car instead of petrol, thus needing to have the engine of her car stripped. She would forget where she'd parked and once was reported to the police by a taxi driver who was driving her around the city centre looking for her car.

My husband `s spatial awareness was compromised and we had to have a few wing mirrors replaced. He once drove straight over a flat `roundabout` [ I'm not sure if they have a special name]

There are enough road traffic accidents without deliberately putting others at risk.

After giving our car to our daughter in law, my husband wanted to buy another car. I trailed round showrooms with him looking at cars but by then his concept of money was compromised and he was horrified at the prices.

Unlike you, @AliceA, we are blessed with excellent public transport. I don't know how I`d manage without it because I have never driven.

Ah, you would, I am absolutely sure.
We moved to the village on the suggestion of family who live here. They are now of very limited help as we have a great granddaughter who is on chemo and her siblings need attention too.
We also had a surgery. Library bus, and a reasonable two hourly bus. Those have now gone.
So, I shop on line. Medical appointments
My mother told me she knew I had reported her to the DVLA and if she`d had a gun she would kill me.

She was a member of IAM - Institute of Advanced Motorists and loved driving.

She was making mistakes, putting diesel in the car instead of petrol, thus needing to have the engine of her car stripped. She would forget where she'd parked and once was reported to the police by a taxi driver who was driving her around the city centre looking for her car.

My husband `s spatial awareness was compromised and we had to have a few wing mirrors replaced. He once drove straight over a flat `roundabout` [ I'm not sure if they have a special name]

There are enough road traffic accidents without deliberately putting others at risk.

After giving our car to our daughter in law, my husband wanted to buy another car. I trailed round showrooms with him looking at cars but by then his concept of money was compromised and he was horrified at the prices.

Unlike you, @AliceA, we are blessed with excellent public transport. I don't know how I`d manage without it because I have never driven.
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,914
0
Ah, you would I am absolutely sure! Gleaning a little of your background,
It certainly is not easy, when the village lost its bus, the question of driving surfaced once again, there was surprise at being told there was no longer a license!
We moved into the village on the suggestion of family here, support both ways as we have great grandchildren who need help. The second one in this young family needs chemo.
Guarding our independence, we had a village surgery, library and reasonable bus during the day excluding Sunday. We still had the car although we realised there would come a time.
I do not drive, I did learn to drive but never really enjoyed it, the car was suddenly never 'available' even though it was admitted I was a good driver. I then developed a condition that meant driving was not viable.

Now, all these have suddenly gone! I shop on line. I have substituted lectures in Oxford for Ted Talks on my iPad.
Holidays for armchair travels and trips down memory lane.
Friends are thinning out through health and age, I have a reasonable circle of email friends, and acquaintances.
Now our joint health has thrown up challenges, I am on 24/7 call. Talking Point is a great resource for sanity!
I have always been the person people turned to, now I am having to ask for help. This is really tricky!
I struggle with this daily, I have to let go and depend on the occasional lift and more often arrange for volunteer drivers. On my radio therapy days a daughter takes a days leave.
Constantly letting go and surrending to the reality is the hardest lesson! I admit that!
In the grander scheme it is probably what I need to learn!
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,914
0
Ah, you would, I am absolutely sure.
We moved to the village on the suggestion of family who live here. They are now of very limited help as we have a great granddaughter who is on chemo and her siblings need attention too.
We also had a surgery. Library bus, and a reasonable two hourly bus. Those have now gone.
So, I shop on line. Medical appointments

PS. I was disturbed and seemed to lose this so started again!
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,051
0
Kent
I'm so sorry to read of your great granddaughter @AliceA What a tragedy in her young life.

We also relocated , from the bustling town of Bury in Lancashire to a seaside town in the south east, to be near our son. The move identified my husbands dementia and even though it wasn't a happy move for him, even though he thought it would be, it certainly has been for me.

There is a large elderly population here and we are well provided for. I'm so grateful.
 

Mrs Tizzler

New member
Sep 24, 2018
8
0
Good morning everyone,

I don't know what to say to you all for the great tips, guidance and insights, this is a massive help to me.
Karaoke Pete - your advice is just what I needed, it makes perfect sense.
AliceA - you have reminded me that others carry far heavier burdens, wishing you all the very best for your grandchild's return to good health.

I nursed my mother through vascular dementia ten years ago and was a regular visitor here. It's bittersweet to be back but I'm reminded how much this forum is such a huge source of support. Can't thank you enough.
 

looviloo

Registered User
May 3, 2015
463
0
Cheshire
Hello everyone,

My dad was diagnosed with mild Alzhiemer's last Monday. It came as quite a surprise to him but not the rest of us. His consultant was very concerned about his lack of insight, especially around his deteriorating driving standards and the DVLA have rescinded his licence. This has been a huge blow for a man who has been a keen motorist all his life who enjoys regular jaunts in his sporty Jaguar (he's 88)!

Now he's disputing the diagnosis and talking of getting his solicitors involved (pointlessly of course), adamant he has no driving issues (he has). He's always been a very pragmatic, unemotional and strong willed man and gentle but fact-facing reasoning is falling on deaf ears.

Has anyone else been through this? I'm hoping he will accept things in time. Many thanks all.

This was a massive issue for my own dad... he drove for his job, and the car was his independence. So when he moved to a care home (after a crisis) he became obsessed with the car, threatening to write to the DVLA etc. They were empty threats, but we went round and round in circles about it. I worked out several replies that seemed to appease him bit and moved the conversation on whenever I could. I hate to tell you, but even now, three and a half years later, he still asks about the car. I tell him my OH 'washed it at the weekend and it runs like a dream' which couldn't be further than the truth but at least it makes him smile. It takes time for the anxiety to lessen, but it will eventually. I guess it's a form of grief and goes through similar stages. Good luck - if it wasn't the car it would probably be some other obsession, at least that's what I've found with my dad x
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,914
0
Well, Sylvia, I am making a real hash of these posts! Best go and get a coffee!
This was a massive issue for my own dad... he drove for his job, and the car was his independence. So when he moved to a care home (after a crisis) he became obsessed with the car, threatening to write to the DVLA etc. They were empty threats, but we went round and round in circles about it. I worked out several replies that seemed to appease him bit and moved the conversation on whenever I could. I hate to tell you, but even now, three and a half years later, he still asks about the car. I tell him my OH 'washed it at the weekend and it runs like a dream' which couldn't be further than the truth but at least it makes him smile. It takes time for the anxiety to lessen, but it will eventually. I guess it's a form of grief and goes through similar stages. Good luck - if it wasn't the car it would probably be some other obsession, at least that's what I've found with my dad x
very true! X
 

AliceA

Registered User
May 27, 2016
2,914
0
Good morning everyone,

I don't know what to say to you all for the great tips, guidance and insights, this is a massive help to me.
Karaoke Pete - your advice is just what I needed, it makes perfect sense.
AliceA - you have reminded me that others carry far heavier burdens, wishing you all the very best for your grandchild's return to good health.

I nursed my mother through vascular dementia ten years ago and was a regular visitor here. It's bittersweet to be back but I'm reminded how much this forum is such a huge source of support. Can't thank you enough.
Thank you for your kind words. I do not feel we can judge how heavy a burden ever is, some people seem to have the gift of resourcefulness, others seem to have very little. At any point we can slip from from one to the other in a flash. The small thing can throw us out of syc. I am sorry to see this is a return visit for you, it must bring so much pain back to you. A pain is a pain. I do thank you again for your kind words. I wish you well, your Dad sounds quite a character, look after your self. X
 

jojo2018

Registered User
Mar 30, 2018
98
0
I'm sorry to hear you're going through this, it's such a tough time.

My MIL depended on her car and loved pootling around in it - when the Dr said she could no longer drive (being diagnosed with Vascular Dementia) she forgot he said this and accused my OH of taking it away from her, at one point she told him to get out of her house and never come back (where he stays several times a year to help care for her - which she always loves). For weeks she demanded the keys every day, complaining bitterly, saying she would steal them and drive anyway... but now, a few months later, she only mentions it occasionally, and with resignation rather than anger.

So in my limited experience, it gets easier on these issues - though you'll need to develop a toolkit of love-lies and tough skin - as you help your dad through this loss of something he loved and valued.

Good luck with everything I hope it goes as well as possible,
J x
 

Mrs Tizzler

New member
Sep 24, 2018
8
0
Thank you for your kind words. I do not feel we can judge how heavy a burden ever is, some people seem to have the gift of resourcefulness, others seem to have very little. At any point we can slip from from one to the other in a flash. The small thing can throw us out of syc. I am sorry to see this is a return visit for you, it must bring so much pain back to you. A pain is a pain. I do thank you again for your kind words. I wish you well, your Dad sounds quite a character, look after your self. X
Thank you Alice, so kind, I hope everyone gets a chuckle from what I'm about to post.....(if you don't laugh.....)
 

Mrs Tizzler

New member
Sep 24, 2018
8
0
So at the second visit to the psychiatrist on Tuesday, dad fishes out of his pocket "the letter from the DVLA" that he's been so indignant about, for us all to discover it's actually a copy of his assessment letter to his GP, recommending he stop driving! After a long and arduous discussion, he pipes up to the consultant (who thankfully I happen to know quite well) "Nothing personal but this is all a load of b***ocks, there's nothing wrong with my brain and nothing wrong with my driving. I'm going to carry on as I am." He refused to take a driving test, see his GP or be referred for a second opinion.
Meanwhile, his wife is blaming me for the havoc that's befallen them because of his diagnosis - which she also refuses to accept - and took to her bed before deciding she is going off to stay with her brother.
GP case conference next week.
Glass of wine anyone????? :)