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Dad has dementia

Vinny_123

New member
Aug 6, 2022
1
0
Hi,

My dad has dementia, was diagnosed in February after being in hospital for 3 months. He had the memory test etc where he scored very high for dementia.

My dad lives on his own in a flat (which he owns) and was in hospital for 3 months due to an enlarged prostate. He had to stay in for that long because he kept ripping his cafiter out causing internal damage, due to being confused and hating the cafiter, from here he got diagnosed. He had careers but refused to let them in, even with a key safe he would stuff the key holes, so we had to discharge them.

Overtime he has got significantly worse. We had to take his car away, he doesn't wash himself, doesn't wash his clothes, doesn't do his food shop, I'd turn up and he is eating a completely mouldy sandwich. He won't sleep in his bed only the sofa as he has "rented" out his room. He has not he just has hallucinations. He hallucinates alot, sometimes its like he's possessed shouting that a man has hurt him.

The next thing is he has alcohol dementia, when he was in hospital they gave him thiamine and took him of alcohol and he seemed abit better, but since he's been out he's been drinking excessively. To the point he gets paralytic drunk at the pub(he's 73) passes out in his communal hallway and deficates and urinated everywhere. This isn't nice for the other residents and so we have the management company on our backs having to pay £500 for deep cleans, this has happened 3 times in the last two months, last time was last night. He gets aggressive so it's extremely difficult to deal with. My dad doesn't remember this happening and carries on like nothings happened. He has cuts all over him for falling over and of course this does not help his dementia diagnoses. He dosent eat properly, does not take medication, wears 3 layers of clothes in 30 degree heat and does not feel the warmth. His sink is blocked, he does 0 housework and his flat is a state, yet won't let us get a cleaner as he doesn't want to pay. Our local Barclays are extremely concerned because he's constantly withdrawing cash and or forgetting his pin and are desperate for us to have power of attorney to limit it yet we are still waiting.

Yet he has capacity, because although he can't feed himself or anything else, if you mention a care home he retains the information faster than Usain bolt.

We applied for LPA for both medical and financial in March as at this point he was OK, but we are still waiting for it to come back. We've arranged another doctors appointment because we can't go on like this. Not only is it unfair for us to deal with but it's not fair for the people who live where my dad is. The main concern is obviously my dad who really lacks capacity to look after himself and not put himself or others in danger.

My questions ..

We are waiting for the LPA to be granted, is there anything the court of protection can do? E.g. rule he would be best of in a home?

How is capacity determined because day to day care he has none, but he is obsessed with his money or flat, any mention of this and he holds onto the information.

I know this post may seem abit cold but we have a strained relationship due to him being an alcoholic and me and my sister have quiet frankly had enough. My parents are divorced due to the above reasons and so therefore will not help us. We are in our 20s so we are finding it a minefield to deal with.

Thanks
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
5,035
0
Nottinghamshire
Hi @Vinny_123 , and a warm welcome to Dementia Talking Point.
I think I would contact your local social services and ask that the Management Committee and other residents also do this to say that your father is a vulnerable adult who is at risk due to his behaviour. Were social services involved in organising the carers. SS are keen to see if someone can manage at home before suggesting a care home, but it sounds that that is what your father needs, and probably a specialist one that can care for his needs. Maybe next time he passes out call 111. If your dad ended up back in hospital it would be easier to dig your heels in and insist that he moves straight from there into care. You could also call the Dementia Support line which will be open tomorrow at ten.
This is a very friendly and supportive place and I'm sure others with more experience of similar situation's will be along soon with their advice.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,878
0
South coast
I would also have a word with the pub and ask that they ban him and call the police if he becomes aggressive. Does the pub know he has dementia?
If the police are involved with someone who has dementia they will send a report to Social Services and this will reinforce that he needs a care home.