Dad given days to live. Not coping!

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by LostOne, Mar 9, 2018.

  1. Lancashirelady

    Lancashirelady Registered User

    Oct 7, 2014
    110
    My Mum, also 89 with a broken hip, is in theatre as I write. The drs have warned me that it is high risk and even if she survives the op things could go downhill quickly during rehab. I'll say a little prayer for them both.
     
  2. LostOne

    LostOne Registered User

    Mar 9, 2018
    17
    Thankyou for you kind words @Lorrell28

    Thank you @canary he seemed to settle last night so my sister and I decided to go and get some rest. I’m not sure how much sleep either of us got but I feel slightly better for the rest. He seems stable again this morning. He had a temperature which we’ve managed to bring down a little. His breathing is very shallow though but he doesn’t seem in any distress. Everytime that I think he’s ready to go he ends up getting more stable again and I’m finding it quite hard, I feel like he’s going to go when I’m not expecting it and I’m scared :(
     
  3. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,385
    Kent
    It is very hard during this time I prepared myself each time dads limbs started with coldness moving up from his feet and then his knees would warm up!. That rollercoaster right until the end. Please try not to be scared the time will come when your dad is ready to let go...you are doing a fine job even now for your dad but I know from experience that without rest it will make this time for you even harder..it took one of the very kind nurses in dads NH to say to me 'you look very grey I am worried about you' and she wasn't referring to my hair...to make me go and have a sleep in their family room.
     
  4. LostOne

    LostOne Registered User

    Mar 9, 2018
    17
    @love.dad.but.. One of the care workers actually told me that I look exhausted when we stepped out of the room so they could change dad and she got it spot on, my eyes aren’t focusing and I feel like I’m loosing my balance a bit. I’m going to try and hold on a little longer today and hopefully get a really good nights sleep tonight so I can come back in the morning and be strong, not only for myself but for my sister and dad too..
    I’m so glad I found this forum. You have all given me strength and courage to keep going x
     
  5. DollyBird16

    DollyBird16 Registered User

    Sep 5, 2017
    1,186
    Female
    Greater London
    Fabulous advice to yourself, shows what a huge heart you have.
    Take care. X
     
  6. LostOne

    LostOne Registered User

    Mar 9, 2018
    17
    Thanks @DollyBird16 I seem to be able to stand strong in the day like the adult that I am but in the evening I turn in to a wreck. I turn in to daddy’s little girl and all I want to do is climb in next to him and curl up in his arms. :’(
    I’m just trying to find comfort in knowing he is as comfortable as he can be and listening to the sound of his breathing.
     
  7. myss

    myss Registered User

    Jan 14, 2018
    349
    Oh @LostOne, I have no advice to offer, just thinking of you and your sister, and hoping that you are be strong enough to support each other at this sad time. Just take your time with any decisions you have to make.

    All the best xx
     
  8. DollyBird16

    DollyBird16 Registered User

    Sep 5, 2017
    1,186
    Female
    Greater London
    I just know I’d be the same.
    You most definitely can still have a cuddle. No matter what age we are or where our parents are we’ll always be their little girl.
    Don’t forget your own advice and rest tonight.
    I’m not at the same place as you but I often say to myself, ‘What would my Mum tell me to do’ we just know they would say ‘Get some sleep,or you’ll be no good to no one’
    Take care. XX
     
  9. 70smand

    70smand Registered User

    Dec 4, 2011
    260
    Female
    Essex
    Just want to say that I am thinking of you and your sister @LostOne and everyone else who is going through similar with their love ones.
    Please look after yourselves and I think that’s wonderful advice DollyBird16.
    Sending you all great big virtual hugs xxx
     
  10. LostOne

    LostOne Registered User

    Mar 9, 2018
    17
    Thankyou to everyone who has offered me help and support. Unfortunately dad’s taken a bad turn and we’re not sure he’ll make it through the day. I’m completely heart broken but privileged o get to stay by his side. Fly free now daddy
     
  11. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,458
    Female
    England
    I’m sure your Dad feels as privileged as you do, to have you beside him. It bought great comfort to me to be with my husband in his last hours. Will keep you in my thoughts today.
     
  12. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,284
    Female
    South coast
    Still standing beside you
    ((((hugs)))))
     
  13. Dazmum

    Dazmum Registered User

    I’m thinking of you @LostOne xxxx
     
  14. campervan21

    campervan21 Registered User

    May 4, 2017
    173
    Thinking of you both xx
     
  15. Fullticket

    Fullticket Registered User

    Apr 19, 2016
    460
    Chard, Somerset
    It was a physical problem that took mum towards the end of February after a horrible two to three weeks. If there is a plus side, I expected to be caring for her for a long time yet and, as the dementia progressed, she was losing her dignity, losing her personality and, frankly, losing the will to live. She was not 'mum' any more. Maybe in months to come I will come to realise that it was a blessing. Not there yet though.
    I'm thinking of you and send love and a virtual hand to hold.
     
  16. Amethyst59

    Amethyst59 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2017
    5,738
    Female
    Kent
    Our thoughts are with you all x
     
  17. Baby Bunty

    Baby Bunty Registered User

    Jan 24, 2018
    297
    Thinking off you all..my peace be with you.xxx
     
  18. LostOne

    LostOne Registered User

    Mar 9, 2018
    17
    So after being told he only had hours left at 7am yesterday morning he’s still holding on.
    This isn’t the first time they’ve done this. 3weeks ago they said he had 6months to a year, 5 days after that (on Sunday) they said we should come down as soon as possible as they don’t know if he would last until Thursday. We were planning to visit on Thursday as we live 2.5 hours away but came down the same day as receiving the call, now this. I just wish they wouldn’t give us a time frame and just let it run its course, otherwise we get ready to say goodbye, like this is it and then it doesn’t happen and it’s so exhausting. Don’t get me wrong I’m glad I get to spend another hour another day with him but I also don’t want him to have to live like this anymore. He’s so young his heart is so strong, he’s fighting so hard. I’ve been living in this hospital for over a week now, miles away from my Son. I’m just torn but I know I won’t leave his side. I’m even scared to go to the toilet incase he goes whilst I’m not there but I know he will go when he is ready and wants to xx
     
  19. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,284
    Female
    South coast
    My mum was like that.
    Have you told him it is OK to go? Sometimes they wait for permission from their relatives.
    It will end.
     
  20. LostOne

    LostOne Registered User

    Mar 9, 2018
    17
    Hey
    Both myself and my sister have told him that it’s okay, you’ve been strong and it’s okay to rest now, we don’t want you to hurt anymore.
    We’ve -reluctantly- given him a little space (when our favourite nurse was with him) incase he didnt want us to see him go. I think he’s just going to keep fighting until he’s too tired. :(
     

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