Dad died , sister has power of attorney and now it all begins ....

[2jays]

each),

Squabbles... hurtful and so rude/insulting to the memory of the person who has deceased

Ashes....in my opinion, keep out of it if you can. They are “only” ashes NOT the person they were. The person they were lives on in memories

I have/had a sibling that within hours of mums death wanted to know, to the penny, what money was coming their way....

I now say had a sibling... they are still alive as far as I know..... but their behaviour after mum died, was not something I was or am prepared to accept.

 

[susanne1964]

Thank you all for your massive support as always, especially when times are tough for you all ..
Something funny to add ( well not funny but ironic) .
It turns out that my dad has myself and my younger sister as executors to his will ...
I came across it today, was searching out some pictures , memories etc.
Xxx

 

[canary]

Maybe its time for you and your younger sister to appoint a solicitor to sort out probate.
I know he hasnt got much, but it might save the family squabbles if a solicitor sorts it out.

 

[2jays]

If I was a nasty person, wishing to put one over a, in my opinion, nasty piece of work I would

As I’m not a nasty person

What irony that you are executor or should that be executrix...

 

[susanne1964]

I don't care, they can have what's left ... I said to my sister yesterday that I was the one that looked after him for all those years. They were so bloody close by and yet I had to beg them to come and see them, or give me a day off...
They can shove what is left up where the sun does not shine , don't mean to sound bitter, I'm just so so angry with the way they are now running around with " oh my god I love my dad" , bloody hypocrites ...
Even his funeral was basic ( not like my mums), he even paid for his own bloody flowers out of his estate......
I need to move on from this and just walk away again xxx

 

[canary]

Im afraid that as executor you cant just let them take it all. You have a legal duty to distribute what is left according to his will.
Just appoint a solicitor

 

[Duggies-girl]

I understand exactly where you’re coming from ...my brother didn’t give 2 hoots for our widowed mom....rarely visited her at home, never asked how she was coping, never visited her in the care home. I kept him updated if she went into hospital but the last time I didn’t because he just wasn’t interested - He only ‘asked’ where his ‘things’ were after she’d died.....well you can guess where I put some of his ‘things’ - I did keep some things & left them in a box for him to collect from Solicitors -he did ‘zero’ for my mom in her later years and I am no longer in contact

Oh my gosh @Ducky601 you and I must be sisters, we certainly share the same brother.

 

[Dennymac]

Suzanne, I am so sorry for your loss.
As others have said the POA will have ceased on your father's death. However if a will is left and executors named, the banks will not release funds unless the executor has a grant of probate , issued by the probate office. Some banks now will however release funds if below a certain level of an indemnity being signed. I believe this to be around £30,000 but you would need to check this. So if she has removed funds without the necessary authority you may have some recourse through your father's bank, I would ask the solicitors for the will. Sometimes if solicitor is named as executor they may relinquish this to a family member. You should be able to find more information of the government probate site.
All the very best , I hope things sort themselves out for you so you have some time to grieve. X

 

[Distressed55]

I don’t know whether it’s depressing that so many of us have revolting siblings, or encouraging - at least we know now that we aren’t alone, that having venal family members is more common than we first thought. I did think that it was just my family, before I joined TP.....

Anyway, @susanne1964 , you’ve behaved impeccably. I’m sure that your dad would be very proud of you. Just the executorship to deal with, and then you’ll be free of your siblings. I agree that it is worth having a chat with a solicitor to see if they can help and spare you some of the stress.

 

[Duggies-girl]

Oh no Duggies-girl....I wouldn’t have wished mine on anyone..... a theiving bully with no respect for anything or anyone - not someone I wish to have anything at all to do with

No, mine is not dishonest or anything, just completely selfish and does absolutely nothing for his dad. He will be there quick enough when dad dies. I know that much.

 

[Fullticket]

Mum's bank released her monies (about £23K) after a couple of months of her death, asking me what account it should go into. Actually there was aggro around this as they completely screwed up some payments and I had to get a bit shouty and remind them that it was not my money or, indeed, their money, but mum's money but suffice it to say, they released this relatively small amount and I could concentrate on tracking down shares, and all the other form filling etc.
I had third party access to her monies and handled all her finance for about 10 years before her death. I also, with my brother, had POA and had kept records of income and outgoings for all that time.
Thus far all I have done is transferred the money into a separate account, in my name so it can be accessed as and when - and told my accountant! In fact I used the old account I had for direct payments as it was an account with my bank, in my name and already set up. I've not attempted to do anything with the money as yet (I am also executrix to her will) in case something falls at speed from a great height but it is progress of a sort. This does not help much with your problems with relatives but indicates that banks are getting a bit better at releasing monies.

 

[susanne1964]

Hi all, again many thanks for all your responses.. Am having a down day today , we are so estranged as a family it is ridiculous. I sent a message to my younger sister last night, to say ( Hi xxxx just found dads will and how weird we are the executors, and by the way it's my birthday lol) ... She replied .... Sorry am out tonight will text you Morro, it never came ... I'm going to let my older sister deal with things, cos that is what she does best (apparently) ... My siblings have been on a group chat today (with me included) , asking if any of them have photos of dad !!! ... Um hello if you really think about it, then you will realise that I have them all !!! , see what I mean not one of them even have a bloody photo of mum or dad , how sad is that !!!!
I'm sorry I am so so angry at all of them , just need to rant
Xxxx

 

[Jale]

Hi Susanne,

You have my sympathy, not only for the loss of your Dad, but also having to face and deal with your family at a time when a family should be pulling together. I'm having problems with my brother (talks the talk but never steps up to the mark) so have some understanding of what you are going through.

Sending some hugs your way,

 

[susanne1964]

This will be my last post for a while , I will still lurke and maybe give advice where I can ..It has been a long 8 years... Final update , I smile whilst I type this because it is amazing how family choose money over family...
It turns out that my older sister who gained POA dcided that she would distribute what was left of dads money between the four siblings ... And cut me out !!!!
Myself and my younger sister were executors , (and she knew nothing until the money appeared in her bank lol) ...
I am sad because I was the one that gave up work to look after him, but also sad because they now think so little of me....
Upwards and onwards I have a grandchild to look forward to in Jan 2019.. I refuse to be bitter but am so sad that I appear to have lost my siblings .... I had so many rows over the years with them, in previous posts have said that they moved him nearer to them, yet never ever came around ...RIP DAD XXXXX

 

[2jays]

What your sister has done is illegal

Once your parent died, she had no legal authority to deal with anything to do with his estate

 

[DianeW]

I am sorry for your loss, but I really wouldn’t let your sister get away with this, it is not what your Dad wanted.

I would see a solicitor ASAP and even though you say you don’t want the money...you are entitled to it, even more so than the others.

Please see legal advice, as executor it is your responsibility, please cover yourself.

 

[concerned4]

Sorry for your loss, as others have pointed out your sister has no right to act as she did, you have to pursue what is rightfully yours, hopefully you will get a positive outcome, as the saying goes for the love of money is the root of all evil, never a truer statement.

 

[Seeking]

I am so saddened to read of the problems encountered with dreadful siblings. I will be going through similar at some point in the not too distant future and being a plan ahead type of person am trying to ensure as much as possible is simplified and all records/conversations are recorded clearly to avoid as much comeback as possible. What a sad world we live in when our families cannot pull together difficult times.

 

[Truster]

Hi Susanne,

A similar thing happened to me inasmuch as my siblings and brother in particular unduly influenced my dad and encouraged him to change his will and deny me an inheritance. They didn't inform me of his death and put up a homemade for sale sign outside his property while he was taking his last breath. I knew the bank in which my father had most of his money so I walked in and informed them that I was going to challenge the will and that if they released any assets to my siblings the bank would be liable. They froze his accounts.
I then contacted the probate office and asked that a caveat to placed on the will. You can do this over the phone initially and the kind and patient staff will guide you through the process. I can't remember the cost but it was in the region of peanuts.
This is the proverbial cat amongst the pigeons and feathers are ruffled.
They will contact you and they may well want to make a settlement just to get their hands on the money.

From there on in it is up to you. I took the caveat off after 4 months because I had evidence, in writing, that confirmed what my brother had done and that was all I wanted.

I sleep at night and hold no grudge.

Just an example of what can be done.