Sorry I did not post for a while but I did not feel like it. After a very difficult few days dad passed away on Friday morning with myself and my brother with him. It was luck that we were both there at the same time as although we expected it soon we didn't expect it right then. It was very peaceful and I held dads hand and we said all of the things that we should have and dad appeared to hear us before he slipped away.
I was heartbroken and at the same time full of relief as it really was time for him to go. He had not eaten for 17 or 18 days and hardly drank anything either. I don't know how his poor body carried on. He was sleeping a lot but still aware of everything when he was awake so we had lots of chats. He stopped swallowing the day before he died which really bought him down. I won't elaborate on the worst aspects of his last days but dad showed the same wit and strength throughout as he always has.
Turns out that I am the executor and tomorrow I need to go and register his death and so on. It feels really strange after all of this time. Was it really 2 and a half years ago that I gave up work to look after him and was it almost a year ago that he was so ill in hospital that he nearly died. I feel like we have come through a lot these past few weeks and I need to take my time with it all. This afternoon I sat in dads front room and watched a Japanese anime film on Netflix (not something that I would usually do) but it was nice to just be all on my own and reflect a bit.
I want to thank everyone on here for the kind words of support as it really helps and I will probably keep reading posts and hope to be helpful to others too. One day at a time for the moment I think.
I don't log on here so much, and I have just seen your post.You have my utmost sympathy, it is such an unreal time, you go through life in a sort of haze, do what you have to. I hope you have friends who can support you. I was very fortunate in my friends and colleagues who sent me 30 sympathy cards, which were priceless to me. Also, my mum told me years ago that when she was in a coma, and apparently unaware, she had heard the doctors say that she wasn't long for this world, so rest assured that your father would have heard all the things you said to him. This is so important to know that .I wish you strength for the days ahead. Take care, be kind to yourself, the best advice I was ever given.