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Dad diagnosed today

CoralBlue

Registered User
Oct 11, 2013
6
0
lI am now having to accept that my lovely Dad has been officially diagnosed with Alzheimers. I kind of knew but I suppose I have been burying my head in the sand about it. I have a sister and Dad lives with a partner so I'm not totally alone with this, but so worried about how to help and what to do. I can't bear the thought of this. How do I continue with my everyday life with a stressful job, child to care for, etc, etc. I don't know where to turn. This is so scary.
 

Janey_B_

Registered User
Jul 29, 2013
13
0
Hi CoralBlue, my Dad was diagnosed about a year ago, he was only 59. It is such a hard diagnosis to take in, I still don't think I have fully accepted it! But I just wanted you to know there is a lot of help available and Alzheimer's society has helped my dad so much, without them my dad would be sitting in his chair and never going out, but he now goes to regular support groups. It has taken us this year to sort everything out from Power of Attorneys to benefits ( my dad was still working when diagnosed) to his driving licence, it seems every week there is something else to think about! All I will say is take each day as it comes and remember that you are not alone, there are always people here on TP with good advice, so your lucky you've found this early on! I very rarely post on here, but I take comfort from reading others posts daily, normally with a tear in my eye!
Thinking of you,
Sarah
 

lin1

Registered User
Jan 14, 2010
9,350
0
East Kent
Hello Coralblue
Welcome to TP, but I am so sorry of your need to find us.

Even though you know something is wrong probably long before diagnisis
When you are actually told, its Alzheimers or some other type of Dementia, it is a dreadful shock.
You all need a little time to recover from that shock, and some people recover more quickly than others.

Unless the Mental health team who diagnosed Your Dad were execeptionally good, you may well feel you have been left high and dry for a while, thats one way we can help.
so feel free to ask any questions.

Speaking as an ex carer for my mum
Their were a few things I appreciated the most, in no particular order

1) A friendly listening ear, whether it was face to face or on the phonehelped me an awful lot.

2) Regular breaks , someone to be with my mum on a regular basis

3) Coming on TP, This is a wonderful sounding board, lots of good advice from people who are at or have been at the coalface And fun here if you want.
 

CoralBlue

Registered User
Oct 11, 2013
6
0
Thank you

Thank you so much for your response.

I am feeling in a state of shock at the moment and my mind is racing at about 100 miles per hour trying to plan what to do. I'm taking time to come to terms with the diagnosis, it has come as a huge shock, even though I have known for quite a long time that he is not right. My sister reminded me that Dad is no different now, to before we has the diagnosis on Friday, and we still have time to enjoy him as he is often his old self at the moment. It's a terrifying illness that I know little about and need to find out more. I think the advice to take one day at a time is seriously sensible! I must try to stop planning - I don't know what's going to happen yet anyway.

So reassuring to know there are other people out there with similar experiences. Thank you again for your response and I wish you luck with your journey,
Sarah
 

CoralBlue

Registered User
Oct 11, 2013
6
0
Thank you

I am writing to thank you for your response. You may see from my response to Janey B that I am struggling to deal with the shock of this diagnosis. I feel terrified for my Dad and for all of us involved. I feel totally unequipped as far as information goes. The biggest questions in my mind at the moment, and I am hardly able to being myself to type this, is, how long have we got before he becomes really unwell? What will I do then? What will happen to him? I know you don't have the answers to these questions but this is what is flying around my mind right now.

Well thank you again for taking the time to reply - it is so appreciated, I wish you all the best.
Sarah
 

bigsis

Registered User
Apr 12, 2013
6
0
Hi, My husband was diagnosed in November last year, although if I am honest, I strongly suspected that he had an early onset dementia for some time. We were both ok for a little while, about 3 months, then the reality set in and I had quite a wobble, but I was trying to deal with his wobble at the same time. I responded in the only way i know how, by being practical and sorting out Power of attorney, wills, benefits etc. I also took the huge step of acknowledging that I wasn't coping terribley well, and went and had some counselling, through my job's Occupational Health. That helped me go to some deep dark places, but also helped me to understand that Neil is still Neil, that there are still times when he is the old Neil and that we have to make the most of those times.

There are still times when I'm scared and wonder how I'm going to manage, so I'm investigating what help is out there, so that when (if) the day comes that we need more help, I know where to start looking.

I also encourage Neil to preserve whatever memory, skills etc he has left, in the hope that one day, some treatment will come along and help treat everyone with dementia, and he'll be in a good position to respond well. He will never be fully the old Neil, but if we can carry on living independently and enjoy our retirement (we are both in out late fifties), albeit differently to what we had planned, that will be a huge bonus.

Make the most of your time with your dad, and build up as many memories as you can. I've been taking photos of Neil when we go out for days etc, more for me to look back on than him! Good luckx
 

CoralBlue

Registered User
Oct 11, 2013
6
0
It seems that mostly we know that there is a serious problem before the official diagnosis, but I think I was hoping that Dad was just getting a bit old and forgetful and therefore not worrying too much. Now of course it is a different matter and I am forced into accepting this no matter how painful it is. I have been walking miles with the dog over the hills; it seems to be more manageable to think about it then for some reason. I am off work this week (signed off) but hope to go back soon as bizarrely I hope it will make life seem a bit more normal again. Maybe part time would be an option. I want to take every opportunity to be with Dad and have some lovely times but unfortunately my job doesn't really allow for this. Tomorrow I am going to contact the local branch of Alzheimer's society to find out what I can.

Well I wish you luck bigsis; carry on enjoying the good times, and I thank you for taking time to respond. It helps.
 

Spamar

Registered User
Oct 5, 2013
7,727
0
Suffolk
One of the things you will find out is that there is no single progression of this disease. Every single person develops differently and at different speeds.
Routine is good, but things you are dreading may be five, even ten, years away. Find out as much as possible about the disease as you can, and everywhere in your area where you can get help, especially Carers groups (some of which train their own Carers). Then you will be prepared. Oh, and the best thing you have already done - found TP.