• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Dad asking for money

Deedee1137

Registered User
May 4, 2022
20
0
My dad who has now been in his CH for 3 months after a 3 month spell in hospital has once again started asking for his keys and money. The keys we can handle as the staff also assure him they will help if he can’t find them but the money, he’s now asking me to go to the bank for him as I’ve always looked after his money for him. I’m telling the love lies (our branch has closed) not a lie (ATM broke) well maybe. How do I combat this when the love lies no longer work or will he eventually just forget about it.
 

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
17,543
0
68
Toronto, Canada
My mother had her little purse and I made sure she had a couple of notes and lots of coins. This reassured her. I didn't give her so much it would be a problem if it got lost.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
18,833
0
South coast
I used fake money that you can buy on ebay that is designed for children.
Mum was completely deceived and if she lost it I could always replace it.
One of the old members on here used a paper napkin with £20 notes printed on it that she cut out and put in their purse.
Someone else bought old £1 notes that can (apparently) be bought very cheaply.
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
76,281
0
Kent
I gave my husband real money when he was at home with me. He was used to carrying cash and not having it was another hurdle to overcome.

He had a fair amount in his wallet and counted it several times a day. It became so dog-eared and when he slept I changed it for fresher notes.

When he went into residential care I told him I was paying by standing order. In the early days he refused food saying he didn`t have any money to pay for it. The staff told him everything was paid for.
 

SeaSwallow

Registered User
Oct 28, 2019
231
0
Many years ago when my mum was in a care home the residents were not allowed to hold cash. The home ran a petty cash system which was topped up by family members.
 

Deedee1137

Registered User
May 4, 2022
20
0
Yeh same there anything that have like haircut etc is added to an account which I settle up. But it’s one of those things he’s always had and up to now not mentioned it for a few month. I visited again today money wasn’t mentioned.No lies to be told. Thank you all for you input I now have a few options if he gets persistent .
 

Marler19

Registered User
May 16, 2021
95
0
I would keep some Poundland or similar fake money in reserve just in case; my mother (who gets very worried about not having money and insists on ‘paying’ for things) accepts it as real even though it says ‘specimen’ on it and we quite often count it up together! The care home plays along very well and they accept ‘payments’ from her and gather all the notes together on reception so we can give them back to her. They even let her ‘use’ the Poundland credit card on a calculator as ‘contactless’! It has definitely helped mum to feel independent in her own way.
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
4,139
0
Dorset
I would keep some Poundland or similar fake money in reserve just in case; my mother (who gets very worried about not having money and insists on ‘paying’ for things) accepts it as real even though it says ‘specimen’ on it and we quite often count it up together! The care home plays along very well and they accept ‘payments’ from her and gather all the notes together on reception so we can give them back to her. They even let her ‘use’ the Poundland credit card on a calculator as ‘contactless’! It has definitely helped mum to feel independent in her own way.
Just goes to show what a good care home and inventive staff can achieve.👍
 

T1000

Registered User
Feb 3, 2022
129
0
I would keep some Poundland or similar fake money in reserve just in case; my mother (who gets very worried about not having money and insists on ‘paying’ for things) accepts it as real even though it says ‘specimen’ on it and we quite often count it up together! The care home plays along very well and they accept ‘payments’ from her and gather all the notes together on reception so we can give them back to her. They even let her ‘use’ the Poundland credit card on a calculator as ‘contactless’! It has definitely helped mum to feel independent in her own way.
This is lovely to read that they are so supportive and understanding
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
3,394
0
High Peak
Thank you I’ll definitely get some and I know the staff at the CH will go along with it.
My mother had regressed in her mind to pre-decimal days. She had always been proud to have plenty of money in her purse and panicked if she didn't have any - she was also worried about paying for her meals at the care home, etc.

I bought her some real old currency on eBay - brown ten shilling notes, green pound notes, and a couple of blue fivers. (Notes were big and impressive back then!) I got a good handful of the ten shilling (50p!) ones and they were very cheap to buy. Mum was absolutely thrilled! There was so much cash she could hardly stuff it all in her purse and it made her feel like the richest, most important person in the world. (Which she thought she was anyway... :rolleyes: ) In fact, I'd given her about £18 (and purchased the notes with her own funds too, though she didn't know that!)

There were some issues at the care home with stealing I'm afraid. Mum's necklace and bracelet were stolen after she'd been there about 2 years, though it was thought to have been an agency carer not one of the regular staff. (Nothing could be proven of course...) But obviously the money I'd given mum though real, was not legal tender so no worries on that score. And the staff were very good and acted suitably impressed and grateful when mum flashed her cash or 'tipped' them!
 
Sep 10, 2019
3
0
My dad who has now been in his CH for 3 months after a 3 month spell in hospital has once again started asking for his keys and money. The keys we can handle as the staff also assure him they will help if he can’t find them but the money, he’s now asking me to go to the bank for him as I’ve always looked after his money for him. I’m telling the love lies (our branch has closed) not a lie (ATM broke) well maybe. How do I combat this when the love lies no longer work or will he eventually just forget about it.
Reading these posts have been very helpful. Although my husband has not been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s each time he goes in hospital they ask for the GP to refer him for assessment. Unfortunately they are very remiss about doing this
 

Islamag

New member
Oct 23, 2020
8
0
Reading these posts have been very helpful. Although my husband has not been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s each time he goes in hospital they ask for the GP to refer him for assessment. Unfortunately they are very remiss about doing this
It's a shame that he is not being referred because if he is diagnosed he may be prescribed medication that could help. It is not a cure but it has helped my husband to remain fairly stable for over 2 years now. There is a constant slow deterioration, but the medication seems to stop him from becoming constantly confused, it has made a lot of difference to us.

I think if I were in your situation I would push for the GP to refer him and just don't take no for an answer, if he was assessed you would know for sure and he could receive some treatment. A diagnosis really helped both of us, I knew long before the diagnosis that there was something wrong, but I had to approach it carefully and get him to agree to go and see the GP. He wanted me to come into the appointment with him, but I suggested he should go in by himself and discuss it. I wanted the GP to see what he was like without me there, the GP already knew what the appointment was about as I had given this information when arranging it. If I had been in the room my husband would just have turned to me and expected me to answer the questions, that is what he was doing at that stage. The decision to refer him was made right away.

But because he was diagnosed early he understood all of what was happening and was able to discuss it and therefore accepted it. The diagnosis stopped him from being so difficult and argumentative if I was forced to explain he had got something wrong or misunderstood something. It had reached the point where he would not believe he could possibly be wrong about anything and it was very hard not to react with anger or exasperation.

Getting the diagnosis meant we were able to communicate more calmly which was helpful for both of us. I know I am losing a little bit more of him all the time, but treatment has given us both the help and the time we needed to come to terms with this. We desperately needed to be calm about it and communicate and he was able to do that.

We are two years down the line from that and it is gradually becoming harder for him to do things like count, figures confuse him a lot now. I have to spend more time explaining things to him, conversations are very different now from what they used to be. Little things have to be explained in detail, so I am very aware of the condition deteriorating. But I also know that without a diagnosis and some treatment neither of us would be coping now at this stage.

I am just saying that this has been our experience but everyone is different and not all at the same stage, but I needed him to get a diagnosis, it was every bit as important for me as it was for him.