I would like to firstly add that I was so lucky to have had 2 wonderful dad’s. Both totally different, but lots of love, and very differing views of life. But I loved them both! My poor stepdad, who I posted about his struggle with dementia, unfortunately passed away last May 2020, after a long struggle. We as a family had to endure the end of life video, which was horrendous, but he was looked after in his last few hours by wonderful , caring staff who I trusted and went over and above their own commitments as Carer’s at his Care Home. My own husband was extremely clinically vulnerable and we were advised not to attend by both my husband‘s consultant and the Care home. He passed peacefully. It affected me so badly I had to have counselling. I have never been able to talk about it freely. However fast forward to March 2021. My lovely Dad, who endured years of cancer treatment, but was was sharp as a tack, was admitted to hospital where he was told his cancer was now terminal. He accepted this and so did we as a family. We made arrangement to get him home, his wish. He was in hospital for 8 days, we had kept him safe, during the pandemic, for over 12 months. We were not able to visit him in hospital but he spoke to all of us at least 4 times a day. Dad was a dab hand on his mobile. 2 days before his discharge, he was in so much pain., I said ask them to check his urine! He asked, nothing was done, he was treated awful, no food that he could eat, none of his protein drinks. Lots of things that we had to continually ask the ward for. Unfortunately the Nurses were rude, uncaring and did not listen to any of our concerns. They treated Dad appalling. They then said they though he had Covid! Then said no it is a UTI, we will give him antibiotics. He was never given antibiotics! He wanted to go to the loo they would not take him. I got a phone call from Dad, he had fallen in the toilet, he was in agony. He was distraught, I knew he was dying! I tried to ring the ward and after 8 attempts... got through. The nurse who answered was so rude. She admitted she saw him go to the loo alone, even though he was on red alert for falls risk! Also they had not noticed his deteriorating condition slurring his words etc. My poor Dad rang us again in a very distressed state, in pain couldn’t find his buzzer. The most awful telephone call he was obviously dying. He passed away about an hour later, with no family with him. The Coroner is now involved and a full post-mortem carried out. He died from Sepsis, caused by the UTI. He had no pain killers or antibiotics. I have made a complaint via PALS and their investigation team. One of the reasons for posting here is that lots of the patients on the ward suffered from dementia. If they could treat Dad this way, when he was sharp and knew what was going on, how are they treating the other patients? I wonder if anybody had advice/experience on how to raise awareness and prevent future bad practice. Obviously I know that even with antibiotics the outcome may have been the same. This is also not a NHS bashing, as we have had excellent care from the NHS and Dad did too previously. Thank you for reading.
Dad and stepdad
- Thread starter 99purdy
- Start date
@99purdy , I'm so sorry to hear what a tough year you've had and to lose both your dads, specially when you couldn't visit the first and the care given to the second was so poor is beyond what one person should have to deal with.
I hope you get some answers regarding your father's care. I would suggest writing to your MP, and I'm sure others will be along shortly with other ideas.
I hope you get some answers regarding your father's care. I would suggest writing to your MP, and I'm sure others will be along shortly with other ideas.
99purdy, so very sorry for your loss, your story has really touched me. It was the same with mum years ago, she had sepsis from a urine infection, honestly if I was not visiting tw ic e a day ( before lockdown) I think it would ha ve been the same sad situation. The patients in that geriatric ward were treated appallingly, many with dementia. I visited once and mum had a soiled gown hanging from a drip, were they had changed her, and left the poo stained gown half on half off. Another occasion her toenails and fingernails full of poo, I had to shower her myself, it demanded her room be cleaned whilst in the shower, she also caught C diff in there.
Other dementia patience were left crying and upset, one lady in a private room was crying "nurse, nurse help please " when I went to the nurse station to tell them they just said, oh she's OK, she's just got dementia. Mum used to ring me in the middle of the night to change her as she was too scared to tell staff she'd had an accident, I overheard one member of staff being quite rude and abrupt with mum, as mum had left her mobile on. They left a commode in her room and was just left to get on with it even though she could not get on it herself
Another hospital she was in was completely the opposite, lovely caring staff. I really feel for you , your experience must have been horrendous ?
Other dementia patience were left crying and upset, one lady in a private room was crying "nurse, nurse help please " when I went to the nurse station to tell them they just said, oh she's OK, she's just got dementia. Mum used to ring me in the middle of the night to change her as she was too scared to tell staff she'd had an accident, I overheard one member of staff being quite rude and abrupt with mum, as mum had left her mobile on. They left a commode in her room and was just left to get on with it even though she could not get on it herself
Another hospital she was in was completely the opposite, lovely caring staff. I really feel for you , your experience must have been horrendous ?
Hi @99purdy I am so sorry that your dad was treated so badly. My dad had a similar dreadful hospital experience that has stayed with me ever since. He had 3 falls altogether trying to get to the toilet. It seems it was easier for the staff to put him in a nappy but my dad would never have used that. I was horrified at the way they treated dad and the lack of understanding of dementia. It was not difficult to take dad to the toilet, I managed. He just needed the frame and a bit of support but that was too much to ask. There was no consideration of a patients dignity which is just shameful. This was before covid and I lived close enough to be able to visit twice a day. I can't imagine not being able to visit, I think I would have gone mad with worry and I don't think dad would have survived his ordeal.
We got him out in the end and I really just wanted to put the whole experience behind us. He lived for another year happily in his own home with me living with him and he never fell even once.
I hope that your complaint is thoroughly investigated and I regret that I did not complain but I was just grateful that he got out alive. I though that perhaps we were just unlucky with dads treatment but sadly it seems we were not.
We got him out in the end and I really just wanted to put the whole experience behind us. He lived for another year happily in his own home with me living with him and he never fell even once.
I hope that your complaint is thoroughly investigated and I regret that I did not complain but I was just grateful that he got out alive. I though that perhaps we were just unlucky with dads treatment but sadly it seems we were not.
I am so very sorry that this hospital and it's staff let your dad down so badly. I can totally understand how distressed you feel especially after losing your step dad so soon before.
It's extremely shocking how many cases of neglect, ignorance and lack of basic care have been reported just in this forum alone.
I do hope that the powers that be investigate and amend hospital practices.
Take care xx
It's extremely shocking how many cases of neglect, ignorance and lack of basic care have been reported just in this forum alone.
I do hope that the powers that be investigate and amend hospital practices.
Take care xx
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I'm very sorry to hear of your experiences. I wonder sometimes if we are a little too quiet when complaining about what is poor treatment for those we care about. PALS does the best job it can but, in my view, it's really just a way of putting complaints at an arm's length from the hospital. PALS is not always independent & some are much better than others.
When I've found myself complaining about the way mum has been treated I've written the complaint letter to PALS - with the expectation that the complaint will be acted on - and, on that letter, included a 'copy list' (marked clearly 'for information only') of parties I think should also be made aware of the complaint & then copy the original complaint letter to each party on the copy list.
Last time that list was the Secretary of State for Health and Welfare; mum's member of Parliament; the Chief Executive of the Regional Health Trust; the Chief Executive of the hospital & mum's GP. I've also suggested to others to include the Chief Executive of the CQC and the Chief District Nurse. It's not that I anticipate action - or even responses - from the copy list but it is a way of communicating a complaint far more widely and encouraging, perhaps compelling, 'them' to act in a 'joined up' way which - I think - is frequently not the case.
At the end of the day we want - and need - our complaints to be heard loud and clear. 'They' often want our complaints quietened and opaque.
When I've found myself complaining about the way mum has been treated I've written the complaint letter to PALS - with the expectation that the complaint will be acted on - and, on that letter, included a 'copy list' (marked clearly 'for information only') of parties I think should also be made aware of the complaint & then copy the original complaint letter to each party on the copy list.
Last time that list was the Secretary of State for Health and Welfare; mum's member of Parliament; the Chief Executive of the Regional Health Trust; the Chief Executive of the hospital & mum's GP. I've also suggested to others to include the Chief Executive of the CQC and the Chief District Nurse. It's not that I anticipate action - or even responses - from the copy list but it is a way of communicating a complaint far more widely and encouraging, perhaps compelling, 'them' to act in a 'joined up' way which - I think - is frequently not the case.
At the end of the day we want - and need - our complaints to be heard loud and clear. 'They' often want our complaints quietened and opaque.
My boyfriend's father and brother also fell victim to 'death by hospital'. Different circumstances (pre-covid) but much the same as your experience.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
I'm very sorry for your loss.
Thank you all so much for your kind and thoughtful responses. So sorry to hear that others have all had similar experiences and I am also thinking of you all. Thanks so much to @Phil2020 for your recommendations on contacts, I have taken on board and will be copying my complaint to all. I also agree that we are too quiet when we complain. I actually stalled when asked to do the post-mortem. Dad did not want anymore surgery. Then I though no Dad would approve as he was a strong man who also stood up for any injustice. The family also agreed that we need to follow through our complaint. I know it will not bring back Dad. It would be unbelievable to think that people are allowed to die in pain, on their own in a U.K. hospital. Unfortunately it appears that it is happening more frequently than I realised. I will continue to push my complain. I do not have any great expectations but I am hopeful that by speaking out it may be beneficial to future patients. Thank you all again.
