1. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    229
    Birmingham
    Is this just me or doe's anyone else cry at the drop of a hat when they go to visit there loved one's at n/homes ?
    A yr on and i still find it difficult to ajust to seeing him there.
    I do try and not let anyone see, but a carer walked passed the room and because dad had a good day i told him something he would have been so proud off, and for a second i knew he understood because he cried has well.
    I bet she thought i had upset him. But the moment was special and i couldnt explain to her it was a good cry for him to have understood.
    He is settled in the home , its just that i see him still as with mum at home and so wished to have him still there.
    I'm realy made of sterner stuff than this but having got to the stage now this week gone, the week of his 77th b/day he now doesn't know who we are, so found it difficult opening presant and cards a thing to have to do.
    Sorry if anyone is upset by this but it has been eating away at me all weekend. :(
     
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #2 Margarita, Oct 14, 2007
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2007

    don't worry about what anyone thinks when they where passing , it was a emotional moment for both of you sharing it together ., sounds lovely not upsetting him .



    My mother dose not cry with me , but I still cry and mum live with me , make no different in care home or living at home we still cry no matter how many years go by
     
  3. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Jan, don't worry about crying. It's natural, none of us like to see our loved ones in circumstances like that, and we feel sad and guilty that we can't care for them as we want to.

    It's a dreadful disease, and, and it's so upsetting for the sufferers and for the people who love them.

    Don't worry about the carer seeing you cry, I'm sure she's used to it, and it just shows how much you care. It would do your dad good to cry with you, too, any sort of contact is good. I'm sure your dad's birthday was hard for you.Don't worry about posting, and don't let it eat away at you. We understand how you feel, and sympathise.

    Love and hugs,
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,850
    Kent
    Dear jan,

    My husband isn`t in a home, he`s with me, but I only have to look at him to be in tears.

    Every day something happens that stops me in my tracks. This evening he asked what time we go to bed. I told him we can go whatever time we want. He then asked where his bed was.

    I looked at him and tried to imagine how it would be to be him. How can anyone not cry?

    You might think you are made of sterner stuff. We are not used to so much emotion. But you`d have to be made of stone, not to be affected by the ravages of Alzheimers.

    Love xx
     
  5. mojofilter

    mojofilter Registered User

    May 10, 2006
    130
    St.Helens
    My mum's fading fast and I cried the whole time that I was with her today ...

    I tried to hide the tears from my mum just incase she can still pick up on these things but I lost it infront of a member of staff and my mate who was giving me a lift to the home.

    Most of the time I've been able to control my emotions during my visits but I failed miserably today .... :(
     
  6. Cymbaline

    Cymbaline Registered User

    Aug 23, 2007
    36
    Last year I had to put my mum into a nursing home for the first time because my dad (her carer) had to have a serious operation. I made an idiot of out myself by crying in the nursing home. It was stupider still because I knew she'd be coming out in a few weeks time.

    Another time since then, my dad was leaving her into respite and she said "No" when they got to the door. He was devastated as well and cried his eyes out when he got home.

    Thing is, none of us are made of stone. If we were, we wouldn't be doing what we're doing. Carers and close relatives of Alzheimer's sufferers deal with an awful lot of stuff from day to day and something has to give from time to time.
     
  7. Devonmaid

    Devonmaid Registered User

    Sep 23, 2007
    51
    Dartmoor Devon
    Dear Jan , its fine to cry , I do it all the time . Last time I visited Mum in hospital, she was having a particularly bad day , talking " scribble " , when suddenly, she started to sing . It wasnt very tuneful but it was very recognisable as All things bright and beautiful , just a few lines and she got the words right too but then returned to her little world . I asked her what she had been singing and she said that she didnt sing any more . We have to let our emotions go , you have a cry and dont ever feel bad about it ,
    love Kate
     
  8. Petrus

    Petrus Registered User

    Aug 7, 2007
    61
    Northumberland
    A Good Cry

    Just remember those Argentianian rugby players' faces as their national anthem was sung last night; tears streaming down. Having lived in Latin countries as an adult (and played rugby as a teenager), I learned that not every culture requires a stiff upper lip.

    I tear very easily - and not just in private!! J's Alzheimer's and what it means for her, the family and me sometimes makes me sob in the very depth of my being. Frankly, I am entitled to a good cry and a deep sob. And the vast majority of people understand that; if they don't, sorry, but that is their problem, not mine.

    When we visited our son (A. 35) for the first time after the diagnosis, our daughter-in-law (AF.) organised time for A. and I to be together quietly talking things through. An hour or so later we re-joined her, J. and their baby son. AF. looked at our red and somewhat swollen eyes and said, "I can see you talked about what matters. Good." And we all hugged each other - as we always do.
     
  9. Trich

    Trich Registered User

    Aug 16, 2007
    31
    France
    Hi Jan,
    It's good to blub! How could our minds cope with all that emotion if we didn't have a release. I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm angry so that's about all the time since the start of this horrible journey into dementia. I am lucky in that my dad still knows who I am. I know what is coming and that is making me cherish the time we have in a way that perhaps I wouldn't have done. I am really sorry that your dad's birthday was so traumatic for you. I think you would have had to be made of stone not to have reacted as you did. You cry because you love your dad and that's the best reason I can think of.
    Take care
    TrichX
     
  10. janjan

    janjan Registered User

    Jan 27, 2006
    229
    Birmingham
    Thankyou all so much for your replies, sometimes it realy helps when we all know we are not alone in this suffering.
    Although i feel dad's now in somesort of limbo and he now does'nt know mum an me he's still with us and that is all that matters.
    An emotional year all round realy, my son lost his health, then me, now i feel dad somehow has gone from me too, but thinking of the positive side to this is, son has ajusted to his diabetes and now copes well and gone to uni. I'm back to good health, just a wee bit fatter,lol, and dad's still fighting this terrible diesease. bless him. Thanks for being there for us tp.
     
  11. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear Jan

    I'm glad your son has adjusted to his diabetes. I hope he's enjoying uni.

    And you too, I'm glad you're fit again. Don't worry about being fatter, you've more to worry about at the moment, you can deal with that later. I hope you have an easier spell for a while now, you deserve it.

    Keep posting when you can, I'd like to know how you're getting on.

    Love,
     
  12. mathschick

    mathschick Registered User

    Oct 14, 2007
    2
    London N10
    I am crying a lot at the moment, having just seen my mum deteriorate so rapidly within the space of a week. I cry for the good memories I have of her, and I cry for the state she is in now. I cry for the guilt I feel that I cannot help her end her suffering, and I cry for the lack of care she is getting on the NHS. I can't really stop crying and at the hospital on Saturday I just fell apart. She is only 59.

    I have been blogging about my feelings, and it's helped a lot just to write about it all.
    My blog is at www.mathschick.wordpress.com I am sure you will be able to relate to some of the experiences we are having at the moment.

    Be strong x
     
  13. clarethebear

    clarethebear Registered User

    Oct 16, 2007
    197
    manchester, uk
    crying is good

    I'v only joined TP today and haven't stopped crying. Your shouldn't worry about what other people might think, we all need to cry.

    We all have our own way of coping with things and you'll probably find that crying is a release for most of us on this site. Even if it is in the middle of the shops, which I tend to do quiet often. But I don't care, if half the people who see me crying went through what I'm going through then I'm sure they would cry too. And the other half have probably been through what I'm going through, so they would understand anyway.

    Just be yourself and I'm sure there is always someone on this site to chat to if you need to.

    Take care.
    Clare:)
     
  14. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    627
    Yorkshire
    I can cry at the drop of a hat, but a good 'blub' does help. Mum is in a nursing home and bed bound now. She has deteriorated so much over the past few weeks.:( Some days we visit and she is completely in her own world, no sounds, no smiles, no nothing to hang on too. It hurts and inevitably brings tears.
    On other days, not many mind you, we get smiles and sound, not speech but her own version, except the odd word or two sometimes. And damn it! That hurts too....:( and bring tears....
    And then when we cuddle her, she will sometimes stroke our hair or arm, our if Dad is joking with her, she will flip her hand at him like she used too........:) but THAT HURTS TOO....
    This damn disease is so heartbreaking in what it does to our loved ones and us. I do truly try to take each day as it comes, and I think it was Brucie that said you have to 'adjust your expectations' according to where you are, but it doesn't stop the tears flowing at every end and turn.
    We all do it, you're not alone. Sending you a big hug.
     
  15. feral07

    feral07 Registered User

    Oct 17, 2007
    3
    Dunfermline
    Hi Jan jan

    Your not the only person that cry's when they visit a love one for I do as well, I think I use more tissues than my mum and she's the one thats in hospital. Its better to let your emotions out than keeping them in.

    Your not alone remember that so we can cry together


    Lynn
     

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