Dear Geraldine
That's a fine old molotov cocktail of emotional upheaval you're going through. I am familiar with that desolation, two out of three, no paperwork though. We're all with you, don't forget. This time of year doesn't help either, when families are supposed to draw together as we look forward to the new year. For many of us the new year will be the same as the old, that's the impotence of the situation.
I thought as time went by it would be easier in that I would become more accepting and resigned to the inevitability of it all. Big mistake, that! As time goes on it has become harder and I break out in fresh places, too. I've stopped raging against it most of the time and just go with the tears. It helps to have somebody handy for a reassuring hug - but if the passing window cleaner is all that's available, be careful, people may talk!
Isn't it one of the ironies of life that the ravages of caring for somebody you love with AD, invariably occurs at the time of life for the carer when the menopause hits, the children have all left home or your looking forward to spending the future doing a little of what you had always planned for this time. Then Bang! your hormones decide it's party time just when you need your wits about you and all of your emotional reserves. Trying to deal with madness when your own sanity has taken temporary leave!
You ARE a glutton for punishment, too! The Railway Children. I watched Polyanna a couple of weeks ago and cried throughout - my Mum took me to see this when I was small. I was wrecked. One of the things I CAN'T do is listen to music which, for somebody brought up to it and trained to play it, is a big missing chunk of me.
We'll get there, honey. Somehow.
Take good care of yourself, we need you too.
Chesca
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