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Crying in front of mum & she doesn't seem to notice.

Gudja

Registered User
Oct 21, 2014
5
My mum has Alzheimer's, she's 63. Unfortunately it's progressing rather rapidly & she has now reached the middle stages.

I was wondering if anyone experienced being emotional in front of a dementia sufferer and they don't seem to notice. I only speak to my mum over the phone as she lives in Malta whereas I'm in the UK. Would it be different if I were to be emotional in person?
 

garnuft

Registered User
Sep 7, 2012
6,585
Oh, dear...I'm afraid I do remember this. It's like a knife through your heart.

It wasn't my Mam, she was totally loving, giving and kind but dementia robbed her of any empathy and she was unable to read the signs that a person was distressed.

I cried in front of her (as a result of her frustrating and frightening behaviour) and she cared not a jot.

But she was still able to caress and love me when the time was right for her, she just seemed to lose the ability to have any empathy when it was thrust upon her.

It's very hard, you have my empathy and sympathy as does your Mum, she has been robbed too. x
 

flowerball1

Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
18
Hi Gudja

Yes this sounds similar to me as well. In the earlier part of this year (whilst caring for mum at home) I have sobbed with frustration, been very ill and to my shame, been quite angry with Mum... all to no reaction, empathy or concern. And yet recently in the care home, I have seen her demand that I help other residents and regularly strokes the faces of those she considers to be ill or upset with such feeling and concern.

I think she just considers me to be the 'fixer' of all things and therefore not in need of any care or consideration. Well that's my excuse for her today!

Try not to take it to heart, it really is the disease.
 

Gudja

Registered User
Oct 21, 2014
5
Thank you both, this is my first post and I'm finding the forum incredibly helpful in many ways.

I'm scared of what's yet to come as my mum's behavioural changes are quite sudden or so it feels.

The last few days haven been the hardest for me to accept what she's going through. At the moment she's at a respite centre to give my brother and dad a break. I just can't believe this so going downhill.