• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

Crying constantly

Guineapig

Registered User
Nov 23, 2015
8
0
I went to visit my Dad today in his new Care Home. In his old home he got out of bed at 3.45am and somehow they said got past the sensor mat. He got into the hallway and got lost and went into another resident’s room who also has Dementia. My Dad is 92 and frail and this man punched him in the face. The police,Social Services and the Mental Health Crisis team for the man who assaulted Dad were called. A safeguarding order was in place for Dad who had 3 stitches in his lip and 3 nights in hospital. I was going to move him to be with my Mum anyway but because of this he went straight to the new home. They have met there but Mum gets upset by seeing him so they are taking them spending time together very slowly. Today he was crying all visit( I live 120 miles away), and he has deteriorated a lot with language and communication, he had also lost weight. Is this emotional crying something to expect as Alzheimer’s progresses or is it a reaction to the assault? I felt like I had been hit by a train afterwards, I tried distraction, and got some smiles but I was really shocked by the sadness and crying. I was told he had been moved room to somewhere quieter because some ladies had been mean to him and he had been wandering at night again. Is this kind of crying a common symptom of late stage Alzheimer’s or is it a sign something is wrong do you think? I am worried sick about him and what to do to help.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
16,076
0
South coast
Constant crying could be as a result of the dementia - its called the pseudo bulbar effect, but in your dads case it could equally be as a result of anxiety. There has been a lot happen to your dad in a short period of time and he is probably very disorientated.
Id give it time to see if he will settle
 

Guineapig

Registered User
Nov 23, 2015
8
0
Constant crying could be as a result of the dementia - its called the pseudo bulbar effect, but in your dads case it could equally be as a result of anxiety. There has been a lot happen to your dad in a short period of time and he is probably very disorientated.
Id give it time to see if he will settle
Thank you for replying. That sounds like wise advice to me, I’ll give it some time and see if he settles down. I’ll look up pseudo bulbar as well.
 

Bun

Registered User
Oct 2, 2021
43
0
I didn't know crying was called pseudo bulbar. My husband has vascular dementia, he cries a lot, specially after a visit.
 

Guineapig

Registered User
Nov 23, 2015
8
0
I didn't know crying was called pseudo bulbar. My husband has vascular dementia, he cries a lot, specially after a visit.
I’m sorry to hear that about your husband. I found it very upsetting so you must too. My Dad went through 3 or 4 paper tissues in a 20 minute visit, I was so sad and worried for him. Go gently.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,515
0
73
Devon, Totnes
I didn't know crying was called pseudo bulbar. My husband has vascular dementia, he cries a lot, specially after a visit.
Just picked up your post @Bun . I’m so sorry that your husband cries after a visit. That reaction must be upsetting for you, I know it would be for me if Bridget did this.
Why are we punished so when all we ever did was to love someone? Do you know why he cries? Is he upset being in the home, missing you or is there no obvious reason?

I don’t mind admitting I cry over the smallest thing so I maybe know how a man feels inside. Sadness, loss, anxiety.
When you’ve finished your visit feel free to come here and I’ll keep an eye out for your post
 

Bun

Registered User
Oct 2, 2021
43
0
Thank u Dutchman very kind. My husband has anxiety, he says he feels like crying, I ask him why, he says he doesn't know. On Sunday I took him out for a walk, when I took him back to the home, I have to leave him on the doorstep ( not allowed in with him) I have mentioned this before. He got very upset, was hugging me and crying, didn't want me to go. The carer a man, who came to answer the door, said to my husband, come along we will have a cup of tea. I have say I will be back soon, he makes me promise that I will be, or I say I am going to see the Dr. I have say this, otherwise it would make the situation worse. The manager assures me, he is happy and settled in the home, and takes part in the activities, is eating and sleeping. If I could go in with him, sit and have a cup of tea, would settle him. I'm hopeful I will be allowed in the main building soon. He is a sensitive man and very kind. You Dutchman are a sensitive man, that's why you find it so hard with Bridget, you are on a emotional roller coaster. With dementia that's how it is, not knowing how your loved will be from one day to the next. Terrable disease, no cure. I am so glad I have found this site, it has helped me enoumesly.Hope Doutchman you have had a better day. Bless you.
 

Bun

Registered User
Oct 2, 2021
43
0
I’m sorry to hear that about your husband. I found it very upsetting so you must too. My Dad went through 3 or 4 paper tissues in a 20 minute visit, I was so sad and worried for him. Go gently.
Thank you Guinea pig, it is upsetting, you feel so helpless. Hope your dad is ok. Take care.
 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,515
0
73
Devon, Totnes
Thank u Dutchman very kind. My husband has anxiety, he says he feels like crying, I ask him why, he says he doesn't know. On Sunday I took him out for a walk, when I took him back to the home, I have to leave him on the doorstep ( not allowed in with him) I have mentioned this before. He got very upset, was hugging me and crying, didn't want me to go. The carer a man, who came to answer the door, said to my husband, come along we will have a cup of tea. I have say I will be back soon, he makes me promise that I will be, or I say I am going to see the Dr. I have say this, otherwise it would make the situation worse. The manager assures me, he is happy and settled in the home, and takes part in the activities, is eating and sleeping. If I could go in with him, sit and have a cup of tea, would settle him. I'm hopeful I will be allowed in the main building soon. He is a sensitive man and very kind. You Dutchman are a sensitive man, that's why you find it so hard with Bridget, you are on a emotional roller coaster. With dementia that's how it is, not knowing how your loved will be from one day to the next. Terrable disease, no cure. I am so glad I have found this site, it has helped me enoumesly.Hope Doutchman you have had a better day. Bless you.
Thank u Dutchman very kind. My husband has anxiety, he says he feels like crying, I ask him why, he says he doesn't know. On Sunday I took him out for a walk, when I took him back to the home, I have to leave him on the doorstep ( not allowed in with him) I have mentioned this before. He got very upset, was hugging me and crying, didn't want me to go. The carer a man, who came to answer the door, said to my husband, come along we will have a cup of tea. I have say I will be back soon, he makes me promise that I will be, or I say I am going to see the Dr. I have say this, otherwise it would make the situation worse. The manager assures me, he is happy and settled in the home, and takes part in the activities, is eating and sleeping. If I could go in with him, sit and have a cup of tea, would settle him. I'm hopeful I will be allowed in the main building soon. He is a sensitive man and very kind. You Dutchman are a sensitive man, that's why you find it so hard with Bridget, you are on a emotional roller coaster. With dementia that's how it is, not knowing how your loved will be from one day to the next. Terrable disease, no cure. I am so glad I have found this site, it has helped me enoumesly.Hope Doutchman you have had a better day. Bless you.
Hello @Bun
I can’t help the way I am but in many ways I wouldn’t have me any other way….if you see what mean.
My first marriage ended in disaster and we were glad to see the back of each other. My gift though was our daughter who loves her dad to bits.
My second marriage to Bridget was, and is, blessed with love and I’m extremely lucky to have experienced love and for that I’m a fortunate man. So losing Bridget to dementia is very hard. I often wished I didn’t like her so it might make things easier. Doesn’t work.

I told Bridget many lies at the time when she was at home , I went behind her back, kept things from her and I felt a traitor. But it made life easier and reduced the anxiety the truth would have caused. Now I often say that I’m going shopping, got to feed the cat and Bridget more or less is satisfied. I can only imagine the agony of saying goodbye like you do.
Bless you. Peter
 

Bun

Registered User
Oct 2, 2021
43
0
Hallo Peter
Hello @Bun
I can’t help the way I am but in many ways I wouldn’t have me any other way….if you see what mean.
My first marriage ended in disaster and we were glad to see the back of each other. My gift though was our daughter who loves her dad to bits.
My second marriage to Bridget was, and is, blessed with love and I’m extremely lucky to have experienced love and for that I’m a fortunate man. So losing Bridget to dementia is very hard. I often wished I didn’t like her so it might make things easier. Doesn’t work.

I told Bridget many lies at the time when she was at home , I went behind her back, kept things from her and I felt a traitor. But it made life easier and reduced the anxiety the truth would have caused. Now I often say that I’m going shopping, got to feed the cat and Bridget more or less is satisfied. I can only imagine the agony of saying goodbye like you do.
Bless you. Peter
Hallo Peter, I think it's gd u r so open with your feelings for Bridget. It's hard for u because u love her so much. I love jack he is my soulmate, that's y this situation has 🐝 so stressful. This is a second marriage, divorce was no were nr as stressfull, felt the same as u did. I have been having councilling, I had a nr breakdown, never in life have I felt like this. I know u understand and thank u. Bless u.
 

Bun

Registered User
Oct 2, 2021
43
0
Hallo Peter

Hallo Peter, I think it's gd u r so open with your feelings for Bridget. It's hard for u because u love her so much. I love jack he is my soulmate, that's y this situation has 🐝 so stressful. This is a second marriage, divorce was no were nr as stressfull, felt the same as u did. I have been having councilling, I had a nr breakdown, never in life have I felt like this. I know u understand and thank u. Bless u.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
16,076
0
South coast
On Sunday I took him out for a walk, when I took him back to the home, I have to leave him on the doorstep ( not allowed in with him) I have mentioned this before. He got very upset, was hugging me and crying, didn't want me to go. The carer a man, who came to answer the door, said to my husband, come along we will have a cup of tea. I have say I will be back soon, he makes me promise that I will be, or I say I am going to see the Dr. I have say this, otherwise it would make the situation worse. The manager assures me, he is happy and settled in the home, and takes part in the activities, is eating and sleeping. If I could go in with him, sit and have a cup of tea, would settle him.
HI @Bun I have been thinking about your dilemma and what you could do to make him happier when you get back.
Saying goodbye to mum was always a trigger for her getting upset, so, on the advice from people on here, I never did. I used to tell her that I needed the loo and I would be back soon and then just go. She was quite happy for me to go and one day I peeked round the door after a few minutes to see if she was OK and she was happily chatting to one of the carers and had obviously forgotten that I was supposed to be coming back.

I wonder whether you could do a similar thing: dont say goodbye, but walk him to the door and then when the carer arrives suddenly "remember" that you have left something in the car and have to go back for it. Say to him "Ive got to get xxx - you go in out of the cold and Ill be with you in a couple of minutes". Then when he is inside - just go.
 

Bun

Registered User
Oct 2, 2021
43
0
Hi canary, thank you for your advice. I have tried those suggest ions, it doesn't work. Visited him 2day, met up in conservetry. Told him I was poping to the shops, wanted to come with me. Carer 's come and take his hand, and say come and have a cup of tea and cake. He didn't cry 2day, got annoyed with me, said ( don't u be long I'm ) so I left him made my exit. Hope they calmed him down. He is physically fit, walking, dress himself with help, no socks 2day. He wants to walk all the time. We had a game of skittles. Showed photos, looked a t books with pictures in. He can't sit still for long. So sad is demntia. Been slow for him 12 years. Love him a lot( I am lucky.)